Think she's referring to a release to be impregnated using DS
Maggie in VA (Login maggie1961) Posted Mar 9, 2011 11:49 AM
A clinic won't allow a married woman to be impregnated with DS, either IUI or embryos created with DS, unless her husband signs a release to do so. That's because he will legally be considered the father, even though he is not genetically related to the child. It's not the insurance that's the problem; it's that if your husband knows you want to exit the marriage quickly, he can use that to try to get financial concessions from you or hold up a property settlement pretty much forever. It's not necessarily a ttc thing: the stereotypical scenario would be a man wanting to get out of his marriage quickly to marry a new wife, and his current wife using that desire to extract financial benefits in the property settlement.
The law around legal paternity is very screwed up. I was "lucky" in that I was doing DE and while I wanted to move forward, biologically it probably didn't make a big difference. Another woman I met on the SMC T/T list who was in a very similar situation was doing OE, she was in her early forties, and the clock was ticking. Luckily, her husband agreed to sign the papers with an agreement (that would probably be considered void as against public policy if put to the test) that she would waive his paternal responsibility. I tried to contact reproductive rights groups about how we could work toward changing the law so that women wouldn't be so vulnerable, but was blown off. I think they see it as a rich woman's problem; they're all about b/c and abortion rights.
I would advise any woman who didn't think her fiance was on the same page about kids not to get married. Even so, the woman I mention in the previous paragraph's husband had expressed enthusiasm for having children when they were courting. The only real way a woman can protect herself from this situation is not to get married.