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  • pg, children & m/c ment
    • Anonymous (no login)
      Posted May 1, 2011 12:02 PM

      I know how you feel but over time, I've realized genes really don't make or break.

      An example, my mother has blue eyes, my father has brown.
      My DH's mother has green eyes, his father has blue.
      I have blue eyes
      DH has green eyes

      My youngest (natural cycle so I'm 100% he's ours) has brown eyes from MY father and with the exception of his nose, looks like his father.

      I have an adult child who looks 100% like me and another adult child who is a combination.

      You don't know what you're going to get even with your own genes. Anyone can claim to be my youngest and even my middle child's mother. You know what, I love them no different. Yes they are my bio kids but what difference does that really make when they don't look like me. That was what really changed my mind over having a donor who looked like me. Before conceiving my youngest, we were looking into DE. Money was our issue. I had found a donor who could have been my twin. Even our likes, dislikes and hobbies, etc was the same. By the time we were about to afford DE, she was cycling and than never did it again. I was so crushed. It took me 2 years to find her. I got pregnant twice after that but we lost our daughter (she would have been 3 this year). I tried to conceive for 2 years (with medical help) but never did. I gave up on my own eggs and realized I didn't have to have another child that was by my genes. What I really wanted was a child to take away the ache I feel inside and to fill my empty arms. I spent the last year going to nursing school. I'm planning to save up for DE cycle. All I care about is having a healthy baby (I never want to go through another loss) and a donor that has high rates of pregnancies. Yes, it would be nice if she had blue eyes, dimples, my facial structures but that's the least of my desires.

      Just remember what it is you're seeking--being a mom or BEING a mommy and that even if you got someone who looked just like you, you don't know what your child will look like. It may have the donor's father's nose, her grandmother's ears, her mother's eyes, etc. in the eggs DNA. Just like with my egg having my dad's eye coloring in the dna and dominating over my ex's sperm. Another thing is that, unless you tell people you used DE's, people are going to see traits in your child from you especially in personality.

      And if you're still wanting a donor who looks like you, that's ok. Just keep searching, she'll pop up.

      Good luck
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