Like others here, we looked into adoption after 2 failed OE IVF cycles. When I was in college, I volunteered at a shelter for children who are wards of the state, so I have always felt a pull to work with kids who need positive adult role models. However, I never felt called to adopt an older child, as I realized from working with those kids that I don't have what it takes to take on their baggage full time. Once a week was enough. So, when DH and I could not have our own bio child, we looked into adopting an infant. We were quickly told by friends who had adopted that we would never get a domestic infant at our age, so international adoption was our best bet. DH wanted a child who looks like us (caucasian), so we looked into Russia and Eastern Europe. I researched adoption agencies, picked a few favorites, sent for more info and talked to some on the phone. DH was intersted, but never completely on board. He really wanted a genetic child. Then he talked to a friend of his who has 2 boys adopted from Russia. He researched the birth parents of his sons in order to get some medical background and found that the bm and bf of one of his sons are both drug addicts, frequently homeless, no prenatal (or other) health care,bm works as a prostitute off and on, and both parents are HIV positive and have several other children, all HIV positive and all put up for adoption. Thank God, their son is not HIV positive, and both of their kids are doing great -- at or ahead of where they should be academically, no emotional problems, no ADD, just great. But this really scared my dh, and he did not want to adopt after hearing that. I still would have. But, we have to both be on board with it. So, we started looking into DE. I didn't want to do that at first, because it just seemed too weird. And, I did feel like maybe we were meant to adopt. But, I realized if I wanted another child, this was the only way dh would go along with. And, I want another child. So, to make a long story short, I think we get the child(ren) we are meant to have. If we had been meant to adopt, it would have worked out and we both would have been on board with it. When I was looking into adoption, I kept seeing babies everywhere, and was a little sad that I would never have another one (Russia does not make children available internationally until they are 18 months old), so there's another upside. I am now pregnant (I hope! Betas are a little low -- sono Tues. to make sure all is well) and I think this is what we were meant to do. So, I don't feel guilty. And, as others have said, we are no more selfish that anyone else who chooses to have a child instead of adopt. If I had married at 20 and started my family then, I would probably have a large genetic family by now, fathered by one of the creeps I dated when I was younger and not feel guilty at all. I chose to wait until I am more emotionally ready to parent and met a man who is a great person and father and is also ready.