You are in such a tough situation. I assume that your DH is on an ex-pat assignment making lots of extra $$ to bring back. OR that he needs some sort of sponsorship to work in the U.S.? I remember you said you met here. But that aside.
It is hurtful to hear people with kids make such stupid comments. I don't think your DH was trying to be hurtful, but the BIL is really taking advantage of the fact that you two don't have children. It's like he's got to constantly "one up" you all.
I'm so sorry. I know how tough this is and hope that you find your way to the family you want very, very soon. I haven't been on this board in a while.....do you have a next cycle or any next steps planned?