I have lurked some in the last few months, but only posted a little.
After my final (heartbreaking) DE cycle using my deceased husband's sperm I went to Mexico for a few weeks, which was a nice break from all the snow up here.
After stepping away from TTC for a little while, my heart still really wants to be a mom and give that gift of life to another person and be a family with them. "They" say I'm a good candidate for "embryo donation" (However, I call it "embryo adoption", because I don't think anyone can donate a human being).
I've been through a battery of tests to make sure my uterus can be a happy home for embies. I've spent the past two days recovering from the final test, a hysteroscopy, to remove some polyps they saw in the saline ultrasound.
I am feeling a little unsure, a little scared, and more than a little like... well... a CrazyLady!
Do I dare try this?
I will be 43 in a few weeks. I will most likely be single for the rest of my life. I've never spent any time with kids, why on earth do I think I'll know how to care for one or even like/love one? I've been trying to become a mother for so long... so do I keep trying just to prove I can do it or do I keep trying because I really want this in my life??
And, here's the kicker... is it selfish to TRY - ON PURPOSE - to become a single mother? Is that what's best for "my" child, any child? I don't know.
I have a wonderful clinic that is working with me to match me with some embies (I can start working with their embryo adoption person on Tuesday) and/or two other ladies have generously offered to let me consider adopting there frozen embies.
What a journey! I don't really expect anyone to have the answers... but it sure felt good to vent!