I'm sorry you're in so much pain, this tcc stuff can really lay us flat. It's so hard. no one knows what's right for you except you, in terms if whether to let it go or not. It sounds like you want to proceed, but don't have the strength or courage right now. That's normal and understandable and OK. maybe you need a break. Maybe take time to heal from the past pains. Take a month and focus on healing and relaxing and exercising and having fun, all the things you enjoy and give you energy and remind you what's great about life. Maybe after that, doing the fet will feel bearable. Our maybe more than a month. sometimes taking time out to regroup and restore your energy is the best way of reach your ultimate destination.
I don't have any advice about foster care to adopt our the other options you're thinking about, but I'm sure others will.