numberous times but my situation is different than yours. Actually it is different than most women on our yellow and pink board b/c we had OE children before we moved forward using DE's...and not just one or two but 5 of our own kids. Our last was born when I was 43 and DH was 44.
Our family was complete after our 5th arrived but even though it had taken a long time to conceive her and we had had a loss along the way, I surprisingly got pg again at almost 45. Sadly we lost that pgcy at 8 wks.
It was after than m/c that I started down quite a spiritual path ttc...not religious but one that I was listening to my soul. I really felt like there was a strong desire that someone was still missing.
Bringing babies into the world to me is not just a biological event...I mean once you hold your newborn baby, full of it's own spirit, you really start to wonder...where in the heck do these soulbabies come from any way.
Since I had been able to get pg on my own in my 40's and my hormones were all in very fertile levels we decided to ttc on our own...but moving forward having more children was always a roadblock with my DH...after our first 2 and he was done so I had to convince him each time that there was still one more to come...most of our discussions continued for MONTHS before he would agree to move forward with me. TTc our last babies was no exception.
I think one of the reasons he agreed to it was that he too had experienced a bit of the magic when our last DD was born....it had been such a long journey to her and he never really thought we would get pg again...when she came it was to us like a miracle...and she was such a lovely baby and child...and so he agreed.
After ttc several years though and after some early chemical m/c's I wasn't able to get pg on my own and keep the pgcy going. Shortly after my last chemcial m/c when I was 47, I just put it out into the universe during one of my mediattions...that I was wanting to either close the door or have an insight on what path to take. During this time we were looking into adoption..and even fostering. Being older though really meant that adoption was out...even foreign adoption....and a social worker had suggested that we not consider fostering since we already had a houseful and foster babies (often born to drug dependent moms) need intense care.
While I was letting go of the idea of having any more children...I met a few women on line who were either on the DE route, or pg with De babies. They inspired me...and then I met a woman in Rl who was taking this path. She too was older but she had been married later in life and they were starting their family using DE's. I shared all this with my DH...the whole process of this new idea took several months. First I told him about meeting these women, then I told him about some who were having babies...I showed him pictures of their babes and cautiously I presented the idea to him.
At first he was against it b/c he felt that our oe children may not accept a new sibling born using this biological path. I convinced him though that if I had done a good job of raising them, this wouldn't come up. By this time in my journey...after doing several years of yoga, doing meditation, going on a meditation and yoga retreat, doing acupuncture to balance my body...I had come to the realization that we are all connected on this planet. Yes we may come to earth using different genetic means but we are all spirits first, living a earthly existence. I know some people may not embrace this but it really resonated with my soul.
Also, all along I was getting these whispers from my soul....a little voice saying, "I'm here and waiting patiently"...I had had a few dreams of my babies....one had occured before our last oe baby arrived and when our baby girl arrived she looked exactly like the baby from my dreams. So it was all a bit surreal...very soulful. When I asked DH if he loved me...and if he trusted me...and he agreed that he did...I then said that he had to trust that this next baby was meant to come through but it would be in a way that we hadn't expected, or ever dreamed of. The lessons I learned along the path, and the ones that my DH was able to appreciate as well is that we have to listen to our hearts, follow our intution when making these kinds of decisions and then just let go and trust.
Once we both decided to move forward everything happened really fast. Espcially since I live in Canada where you have to find your own donor...there aren't agencies, or donor pools at fertility clinics...you have to do the footwork yourself. After I put our ad on this infertility web site we quickly were contacted by many women...but amongst them was our perfect donor. She held the same life philosophy I had and she believed that between the 3 of us we were meant to bring this special little soulbaby to being.
This is a long post but I just wanted to encourage you to take some time and go for some walks in nature, do some meditation, practise some yoga, get in touch with your breathing, your spirit, your intuition, your heart...ask for guidance on how to approach your DH...when you bring your highest self to the table then all manner of help and guidance will come your way and miracles literally happen.
Our family is complete now. Four years ago when we started working with our donor, I NEVER in my wildest dreams would think that we would have been blessed with not one baby but three. When I look at our little guy, now 2 and our twin baby girls 9 months I know they were waiting patiently...allowing us to realize that this is just a biological way to bring them onto the earth...they were meant to come through but had to wait until we could move all the fears and earthly reservations about what others would think aside.
And yeah, before I close I have to say...after our donor gave us beautiful eggs and my DH offered his contribution...I was a bit sad that night as we waiting to see what was going to fertilize. We were on vacation near our fertility clinic...near the ocean. That night we sat on the beach with our family and were roasting hot dogs, eating marshmellows and my donor's eggs and my DH's sperm were mingling...a really weird feeling...but then we watched this amazing July full moon come over the horizon and glow above us..it was like a sign that magic was happening. Our moonbeam baby was conceived....and his sisters as well.
I hope your DH is able to get over his reservations..often it is just the fear of everything that gets in the way....tell him to let go and trust...it's really a good mantra in life and when we do that our life really takes off.