I am so grateful for all of your comments and words of support. I am still in the grieving stage and feel like a pincushion at the moment. Basically I am taking both FSH and HCG (mimicks LH) injections daily to see if my ovaries will start producing follicles. You could say there is some light in that they can now see what looks like ovaries but still nothing happening. To make matters worse, as per usual, they are stumped because my uterus lining is growing thicker due to the drugs which means there is estrogen being produced! I dont get why if there is estrogen being produced they cant see follicles. I am literally a test case as the specialist is just trying all options to see what works. I go to him twice a week for the internal scan which is violating enough as it is only to feel worse when he still cant see anything but is stumped because it seems I am producing estrogen. Just had yet another blood test yesterday to measure my estrogen level and will only know the result on Friday when I see him again. The thing is I am going through these injections not to have a baby tomorrow but to find out IF I can even produce and egg. The chances are so slim and I have been told to prepare for the worse although why in gods name I would be producing estrogen when he cant see anything in the ovaries stumps everyone. Its like a constant cycle of "I dont know" "I dont know" "I dont know." I do agree when I think about it that being a mother is most important to me and if I had to chose between not being a mother because I had to have a DE baby and being a mother using a DE, I would choose the DE option. The thing is I then freak out as of course as I have never had the normal female hormones, no one will know if I can carry a baby and of course I then have to battle the 1 in 3 odds of actually having a baby through IVF not to mention having to go overseas to find a DE. Its all so overwhelming and the future feels like hard work. My partner has been so supportive even though I think most men would run a mile when their partner goes through al of this within the first 2 years of their relationship. I also know in the back of my mind that he needs to get tested too but in our culture, it is not appropriate until you are married and ready to have kids to ask a man to do that. I realize that male infertility can mostly be treated so Im banking on that.... I do feel so much better reading all of your posts and I will be posting regularly my thoughts as I find I feel slightly better when I know people reading this on the other end know exactly how Im feeling and dont just say most unhelpfully like my dad and brother, that I just have to accept it and move on. My parents do not know I am having these injections as I cant bear to have them asking me twice a week how its going when I myself cant deal with it.
I guess I wish I knew what "condition" I had so at least I could find out what, if at all, the solution is. But because they dont know, its a trial of everything.