Having a hard week (cancer, miscarriages mentioned)
Violet (no login) Posted Apr 24, 2012 10:00 PM
I have been posting but have not shared much of my story with all of you.
We are getting close to our retrieval date (about one week away). The clinic is doing the first ultrasound on the donor on Fri. or Sat.
DH and I are under a lot of stress. We argue every cycle we have had and there have been many cycles and two losses (four years). I think that DH has ADHD and I become impatient with him during cycles because I don't have the energy to do all I do to maintain the relationship. This cycle is even harder with the thought of using DE for the first time and its implications as well as some other health issues looming.
We have had delays with the cycle due to DNA frag this winter and so it's been a long time waiting. It was 27% fragmented and now thanks to Kacee's fabulous cocktail, it is 19%. Then a few weeks ago, we found out that DH has melanoma which he will be operated on after the cycle. I am trying to think of one thing at a time so first, the cycle and then the surgery to help myself make it through.
I am crying a lot of days now because I feel exhausted from the lupron, from DH's impatience or I am worried that the cycle won't work because our marriage has become so difficult with all we have been through with ttc, etc.
Not sure how I am going to get through the next few weeks and then DH's surgery and the wait for results for him after that. Tonight, I said maybe we should give up because I was worried that whatever baby wants to come is not going to come because she or he doesn't want to come into our house. DH said, fine. I'm sure it was out of anger but it just felt horrible.
Sorry that I have to vent. I am sad and I only have one friend that knows what we are doing.
I really wonder if I should just stop the cycle.
Thanks for listening and for any words of encouragement. I know all of you have been through a lot and I trust your ideas.