You sound great. It is probably better to be indifferent and to be distracted with other things going on. I am sorry the other cycles did not work out. I have read some of your story and I'm sorry this has been so hard. I hope you have success.
This is my first DE cycle. I am feeling anxiety and trying to work through that each day. I had the transfer on Thursday and gave myself 48 hrs. of downtime. Today I went out and did things with DH however we did not make any plans with friends on purpose because we did not know how I would be and we have only told family who all live out of town. I sound like a mental patient! DH is actually having surgery on Monday so we are trying to chill before that. I hope we have good news after his surgery and with a + beta.
I sincerely hope you get some good news too.