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  • Vent re: DH struggling with DE idea (losses/child ment)
    • (Login desperate4no2)
      Posted Jul 2, 2012 10:38 PM

      Hi, I posted recently that I have 'seen the light' and now want to eagerly move on DE. However, my dh is not there (yet?) and wants to go again with my eggs. Ugh. I have pcos so I have 18-20 resting follicles, which sounded so hopeful last fall when we started the IVF Process (I was freshly 41, now I'm nearing 42), and now after 2 fresh and 1 FET (2 chemicals and a BFN), I am convinced there are not enough golden egg opportunities left in me. (plus, of course, the cost of continuing to try when you keep coming up unsuccessful). Our CGH results last weekend were no abnormals out of 10 embryos-they transferred the monosomy 15, but it's a BFN.

      I finally realized I can be happy again and our family complete by going this route and yes, I want the process to start yesterday since I have been on the crazy-making IF treatments for 2 years now (10 clomid cycles+ 2 fresh and 1 frozen IVF cycle=2 CPs, one m/c and lots of bfns--plus a CP and m/c before my dd). Naturally I am excited and eager to go for it, but DH is really devastated the child will not be related to me (even though I've said I don't care about this). He is in a bad place right now and here I am, elated that we have another route to take, but it's not one he is open to at this point so now we are stuck. It all just happened so I realize I'm not being very patient, but as you all know, this process wears you thin and out of patience!

      I am afraid the best compromise will be for me to do another Fresh cycle if he can agree to do DE as back up. My fear is who knows if he will sign on to the DE plan even after the OE cycle probably not working again. It is going to be very difficult for me to gear up for this process that I don't believe will work, I just wish DH would get on board with DE. Our DD is a result of my 2nd clomid cycle (almost 5 years ago) so my age is clearly not doing me any favors.

      I know that I want him on board as fully as I am or it would not be a good thing and I know that he just hasn't had enough time to process it, but I wanted to selfishly vent about how I just want to get my(our) life going. This 2.5 year IF struggle has been exhausting to me, affecting relationships, all that grieving over things not working---you know the deal. It just hasn't been as hard on him this whole time, I just wish he could understand that this technicality of me not being genetically related is not important, but the joy and happiness a DE baby could bring us would be immeasurable.

      There, venting done. Anyone have your DH struggle and then come around? I have left a message for a counselor in the area who is supposed to be understanding of infertility struggles.-maybe that will help. Also, a friend who just had a DE/DS baby is willing to talk to him to answer any questions he may have etc..sigh...
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