I don't think it's wrong for you to proceed with free cycles. If you had unlimited resources, I'd say it's probably a waste of time to continue without testing, but you always have to weigh money vs. time.
No need to blame yourself, sweetie. You didn't ask for this. Nothing you did caused this to happen.
Did you call your insurance provider yet? I have some of the worst coverage there is -- Cigna. Cigna denied a liver transplant to a teenage girl a few years ago. They called it experimental therapy, even though it's not. They won't let me have adequate amounts of estrogen for my cycles. But they did cover all of these tests.
I just don't feel good about creating the embyros if they aren't going to live and I know that in advance. But of course, I don't know that in advance. But I guess I felt the same thing with the donor embryos.
I'm in it already. I'm already on a bunch of meds and they have scheduled me for certain dates. So...that's that.
I honestly went into it without even remembering about the immunity thing. I read it when I had miscarriages with my OEs but I honestly thought 'well, probably the doctor was right and it was just egg quality...' They REALLY don't seem to think that anything like that has any validity. They just look totally perplexed, which makes me wonder: How speculative is the scientific data if practitioners are not aware? Or else there is no interest in early miscarriage perhaps?
For example, the RE really felt that because my miscarriages were all just embryos that fizzled out in about a week (betas were good but dropped immediately) this simply did not mean anything. It was to be expected at the age I was at.
It's hard to get a purchase on what the risk is.
I called my OB/GYN. I have an appointment next week. I'll ask him for a reasonable battery of tests. I still don't know what to ask for.
I don't know to say to my insurance company but I'll call them maybe and lie and say that my doctor recommended some testing and I am calling to see if I can get this testing and have it covered.
The thing is that the doctor HAS to say it is medically necessary. They already would not cover me for the ATA test because it was not medically necessary.
So whatever I do I could be on the hook.
It's not really free...I have to pay a lot of copays and extra because the $ the insurances gives is a lot lower than the actual costs. It's killing us financially with the travel and the extra fees, which all runs into the thousands--but obviously not $30,000 which is the cost of a real donor egg cycle. So we will probably already bankrupt ourselves. We were unemployed at various points and now have excellent pretty low paying jobs...That's why I am always scared to risk my job.
I'm mostly scared from an emotional standpoint though if I have a miscarriage.
Your post made me very sad. Sometimes this process is so unfair. It takes some of us so much longer to get to "the prize".
My profile: We are a couple over 40 (I am 46 and DH is 49). 5 m/c's with OE. 1 BFN on fresh DE cycle. 1 BFN on 1st DE FET and finally 1 BFP on 2nd DE FET cycle. I am also hypothyroid. My RE did not do immune testing...wouldn't (but did do the clotting testing and it was normal). Won't go into all the details but it wasn't done. It haunted me for a bit but we forged on. Was it smart/right? I don't know. I don't think there are wrong and right answers in this process. You just have to go with your gut and not look back. It is easy to 2nd guess ourselves after the fact but all we can do is make the best decisison we can at the time and move forward. All I know is we are finally PG and this one seems to be sticking (14 weeks tomorrow) although I won't feel at ease until this baby is actually born healthy and in my arms.
Nothing you or I did caused us to not get PG or to have m/c's. It simpley isn't fair but there isn't alsways a rhyme or reason to these things. It just is. I know you just recently experienced a BFN so give yourself some time to recoup before making any big decision. You need to grieve and then you will be able to make the decision that is right for you. I honestly believe alot of this is just a crapshoot and we just happen to get lucky on this last try. Hang in there. You deserve to be a mom just as much as anyone else...it just takes some of us a longer journey to get there. Hugs to you!
but I think the clotting ones are WAY scarier than the immune ones. The immune ones hurt you in the early stages but the clotting is a problem in the late stages. So if you are good on clotting, it seems you are not going to have a problem in the 2nd trimester. The fetus takes over the immune system at some point.