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anybody looked for an egg doner by placing ads?

April 8 2011 at 5:10 PM
maybe1  (no login)

 
Has anybody placed ads for a egg donor? Any impressions or advice about that process? Is it worth it, how do you go about it?

I mentioned this in an earlier post, we are just starting the search for a donor, and one of our top criteria is high achievements in education(and I can see that different people have a different view about its importance, but inevitably we are all different in one way or another, and that's my take, and this is of course not the only thing I care about).

So I'm wondering whether placing ads that can reach top uni students can be a better option than agencies (given the education preference); any thoughts? I'm considering both availability as well as cost here; I get the impression that top school donors that are listed in agencies often cost much more, and that placing an ad might be cheaper overall; is this really the case?

Thanks for all the well intentioned info!

 
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H40+
(no login)

I did

April 8 2011, 5:20 PM 

I had similar criteria, placed and ad at a couple of universities, and got lucky and it worked.

 
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Hope2009
(no login)

Yes, that was how we found our donor...m

April 8 2011, 6:33 PM 

I live in Canada where the clinic we worked with on the west coast required that we have a known donor so we had to find our own donor. I posted on the IVF Infertility web site and also on the Great eggs site.

It didn't take long before I was getting a flood of emails and I could quickly eliminated donors. Within a month our 'perfect' donor contacted us and I knew right away that she was the one for us. As young as she was, 22 years old, she had lived such a diverse life and experienced a lot. Her education, her appearance and more importantly her life philosophy were all things that attracted me to her and I knew she was the one.

In my opinion there are all kinds of intelligence. In my past I had a boyfriend who had an IQ of 160, he was a genius but his emotional intelligence was lacking. We were looking for a well balanced individual who was smart, resemebled some of my physical traits and had a good heart and we found her. The fact that she was musical, as am I, and also LOVED YOGA, as do I, were just bonuses.

Finally I have to say our oldest DD is 21 and away at University. Last summer she met a couple who asked her to be their egg donor. Our DD is intelligent, blonde, blue eyes, tall, is a gifted pianist, and quite athletic as well. The couple wanted her to cycle during the summer which you would think would normally be a great time to cycle with a student however she works as a lifeguard/swim instructor during the summer and the 'gift' that they were wanting to give her was quite low in my opinion.

For her to do a summer cycle, which would be at an out of town clinic, she would loose wages that she didn't think would be recouped through the expenses or the gift offered. Plus there is the risk of OHss which is very real when the donor is very young.

Anyway I'm sharing this with you b/c if you are planning to put an ad gearing it to University students be aware that there are good times to cycle with them...around their reading week is best...unless they don't have a job in the summer that is. And if you are wanting a highly intelligent donor...be prepared to pay more for them b/c during the summer these 'smart' girls can earn a lot of money and a donation cycle could conflict with the money they could earn...just a thought.

I do have another friend who found their donor on Craigslists...also a University student. They cycled during her spring reading week. By the way...the couple who wanted our DD last summer ended up going for their second pick but she was closer to 30 years old. She didn't produce very many eggs and the quality was poor....they ended up having a chemical pgcy. Sometimes being too hasty is not wise either.

Take your time and really think about what you want in a donor. Sometimes we get so focussed on one thing that we forget to look at the big picture and the end result... having a baby and not creating a prodigy.

And I'm saying this b/c our first DD, who I mentioned earlier, has a 'congenital' brain abnormalitiy....a missing corpus coloseum. I'll never forget the pediatric neuro-surgeon's words to us....'take her home and treat her like normal"....ha...how can you do that after you find out your newborn is not 'perfect'...we wanted to give our child the best but this wasn't our dream.

So over the course of her babyhood and childhood we read to her, she had classical music playing at naptime, we took her swimming, and she was enrolled in EVERYTHING as a child...swimming and pinao I think really helped to stimulate her brain the most. Well here she is away at school on a academic scholorship and she is a gifted child. Had I never had that late stage u/s we would not have known about her brain formation. The lesson here is that you can look for great genetics, we have them,...but things still happen in utero that we may never expect.

When we choose to move forward to become a parent learning to let go and trust at every stage of development is HUGE...and in my opinion it is best to start before our little soulbabies ever come to earth....so look for the things that you think are important from your donor but try to let go and trust that everything will unfold exactly how it is meant. Your soulbaby is waiting.

All the best blessings as you move forward on your journey, Hope

 
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minniet
(Login minniet)

Hope -- some questions

April 8 2011, 7:25 PM 

Hi there:
Your post is making me a little nervous that we have not uncovered all options.
Were you seeking a proven donor, or were you ok with a first time donor?
Were you worried about the donor not being managed well, or prepared well without the assistance of an agency?
Thanks for your answers and post --

 
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Hope2009
(Login Hope2009)

Hi Minniet...m

April 8 2011, 10:22 PM 

oh my I hope my post hasn't made you anxious b/c really the intent was to stress the trusting and letting go part of this whole DE journey.

In answer to your questions. We were not concerned at all with having a proven donor. In fact I actually preferred one who had not cycled before since I believe that cycling too much for any woman takes tremendous energy and too many cycles, in my opinionm, can impact ones health.

So we were looking for someone very healthy and our donor was certainly that. She cycled 10 km to and from her job each day, she practised yoga, she ate only organic food and lived a very health centered life. So that was really important to us...and keeping her healthy as well. Part of our expenses to her were for her to be managed by a naturopath...I wanted her to stay balanced throughout the process...partly of course to ensure we had the best cycle but as a mom of a DD almost her age...I wanted to ensure her health wasn't compromised.

You asked if I was worried about her being managed and prepared for the cycle. Our clinic is extremely small and they are also amazingly compassionate and efficient. They insist that the donor's health is screened thouroughly and also is seen by a fertility psychologist...as were we....so we had total confidence in the whole process being managed expertly by our clinic. Our donor was treated well and her health was of upmost concern to our Dr.

I was with her when she had the eggs retrieved and since she had so many and so much fluid there was a lot of pain involved...her blood pressure crashed and she basically passed out at the end of the retrieval. I watched my Dr. and his two nurses quietly and quickly manage the situation. Our donor ended up in the hosptial for the weekend due to the pain and she almost contracted OHSS.

So watching this all transpire made me feel very blessed that we chose our clinic and I realize that these women who offer to share a piece of themselves are really angels on earth. When you get to know your donor as a 'person' their SAT,'s or IQ aren't quite as important any longer...not that I'm diminishing everyone's wish list for our donors but you know there is so much more going on in this process....I almost felt at times that there was magic in how we came to know our donor and she us. When I look at my little guy that magic miracle is ever present....there is way more going on here than biology and genetics...in my opinion.

So trust and let go is what I would recommend and for those seeking the perfect donor....also believe that she will find you and all shall be well.

Blessings from Hope

Lilypie Pregnancy tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers

 
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minniet
(no login)

Thanks Hope!

April 9 2011, 12:25 AM 

Thanks Hope, I really appreciate it. As it happens, we have two donors lined up we really like. I think the posts down the way reminded me of how wonderful it was (before it turned so tragic) to know and be involved with my donor during our last fated cycle. Before my last donor was a donor, she was my friend. I miss that feeling that it was "meant to be" and not a cash transaction...but we have to deal with the cards we have been dealt.

It helps to read your perspective, I do feel pretty comfortable with our donors. We shall see how it works out, and with whom!

Hugs --

PS Disregard all my mixup above. Oops. happy.gif

 
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lauranz
(Login phoebegrace)

we advertised because we had to.....

April 9 2011, 4:26 AM 

the waiting list for donors at our clinic was 2-3 years. we have to have known donors here in New Zealand too....and can't pay them at ALL!
We didn't target for education or interests, rather for women in the right age bracket with children...
And we got an AMAZING 21 year old donor. With not much education yet but obviously intelligent...and being educated as we speak.
Who did it solely for love...
We got pregant first time after years and years of heartbreak.
And our baby is clearly as intelligent as my genetic DD...
And we love her to bits...

 
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TH
(Login perthkitty)

I got 45 replies (some questions to ask) (baby ment) (long)

April 10 2011, 12:48 AM 

Here in Australia paying for egg donors is illegal hence if you arn't using a sister or cousin then you need to advertise.
From experience: keep your add short and heartfelt. Place the adds in newspapers where poorer people are. I write this because I put adds in places where rich people live and got not one response.
Yet when I placed the add (same add) in poorer areas I eventually got 45 replies. Put an email address and a mobile phone number as well on the add.

Ask people:
How old are you? Are you regular (period)?
Do you have PCOS or endometriotis?
How many children do you have? Their ages?
Have you any diseases in your family (state this is a standard question)?
Do you have any kind of needle fobia?
Are you married? Have you spoken to your husband about this? What did he say/think?
Do you have depression in your family? Who in your family has depression? (determine if it is related to a death in the family etc rather than an ongoing problem).
Would you be prepared to travel (if necessary?).
also talk to them about time frames (how long for standard testing to see if they are medically ok to donate etc).

You don't have to belt out there questions to them all at once just have a conversation the questions will flow trust me. No use getting the perfect donor if she has a needle phobia.

I advertised and eventually got 45 replies. I narrowed it down to four people based on the questions I had asked them and also based on meeting several of the ladies. Of these four people:

1. was too obese and risked being over stimulated.
2. many in her family, her included, suffered ongoing depression.
3. one lady was my second choice for a donor but she was also interested in surrogacy.
4. the last lady became my donor but she didn't stimulate well and we eventually went overseas to a proven donor. (don't let that deter you)

Number 3 lady I eventually asked to be our egg donor. She said yes. Went to a few doctor's meetings which I paid for then started to drag her feet.

Weeks passed and she was still dragging her feet. I eventually asked her straight out what was going on. She told me she hadn't really broached the subject with her husband in great detail. His initial response had been 'ok but not now lets think about it'. She never conveyed this to me until I really pressed her about it. I was really livid as we had wasted valuable time with this silly woman and I had paid for her medical appointments of course.
I eventually asked her how long it might take to talk to her husband and would 6 months be ok for him to think about it. I asked this as a sort of joke but she took me seriously and she said it might take longer than that and she couldn't say when she would be ready.
I just thought she was a friggin nutta stringing me along. What a fruitcake for sure.
Sorry to pour this all out to you. I'd sort of forgotten it.

The lady who did donate for us is still a friend who came and saw me in the hospital when Roberto arrived god bless her.

You can probably see why I have some of the questions above listed.
Don't let me deter you. I know that LauraNZ advertised and also got a donor and then a baby on the first try with her lovely donor.
It is worth it (of course)!!
best, TH.

 
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maybe1
(no login)

Re: I got 45 replies (some questions to ask) (baby ment) (long)

April 12 2011, 5:17 AM 

Thank you for the detailed info! And sorry to hear you had to go through all these ups and downs. It's amazing that a person would feel it's totally ok to keep us waiting for 6 months while they make up their minds; but unfortunately I can also totally see how somebody not having been in our shoes might not get the sense of urgency we might have about it.

 
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maybe1
(no login)

thank you all!

April 12 2011, 5:18 AM 


 
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