Tomorrow is my beta and I poas today and it was negative. Seeing it hit home this did not work. I am beyond despair. After being diagnosed with pof this was suppose to be my magic bullet. A few different REs just said, all you need is donor eggs. I had faith, my hope was resolved. I accepted things in my heart giving up my genetic link and just being a mom and having a family. Things are crashing down like a house of cards.
Everything in my life I have had to work hard for but I have already been thru so much. I am starting to believe maybe God just don't want us to have a family. My husband is ready to move on to FET but if fresh didn't work why would frozen?
My follow up with the doctor is scheduled for Wednesday, it is a phone conversation what should I ask? I am a complete mess I can't even think straight. Is it worth to even bring up could it be anything they are not picking up?
Hang in there. My fresh failed and I had success on the frozen
May 2 2011, 7:22 PM
I am so sorry, but go in for the beta anyway as you just never know. If you have any reason to suspect immune or uterine issues, as every question you can think of. Yes, DE does give us a greater chance at having a child, but even very young women do not conceive every time they try, either naturally or with IVF. Eggs are very complex cells and embryonic development a tricky thing. Most embryos that are created do not become children. So...all that said, I was pretty floored when our "perfect" fresh embie didn't take. I just put my nose down and geared up for the frozen cycle. Transferred 2 and have twins. Interestingly, after the thaw, those 2 were higher grade embies by a bit than the fresh one was. You really never know.
this is so hard, i understand. DE is supposed to be the answer for all of us, but for some reason it seems to be harder for some of us than others. it took us 4 donors to make one baby. one of those donors was a cycle where we were cancelled at retrieval because she didn't produce enough eggs for two recipients, so really 3 donors = 1 baby. additionally, i did a fresh and a frozen cycle last summer to try for number 2 and neither worked. we are going to try again soon.
forgive me if i have this wrong, but i believe you wrote in a few days ago wondering how we go on when we have failures? i thought a lot about that post and here is my answer: first, i always had another plan, a next step in my head. i never stopped moving. even a meeting with my RE (like you have on wednesday) would be a next step, something else to research or think about. another thing is that i'm the queen of explanations. i could tell you why each cycle didn't work in my mind. in the end, there is really no rhyme or reason. just please know that even for the most difficult of cases, DE CAN WORK.
so i hope i don't scare you with my stats (they are not the norm but they do happen.)
take a deep breath, write out all of your questions that you have for your RE and try to figure out next steps.
in the meantime, i'll make a wish for you that your HPT is wrong.
... and I hope your beta reveals better news. But if not...
You should know that most clinics save the very, very best embryos for freezing because those ones are suspected to best survive the thaw. So while you transferred good quality at your ET, I'm guessing even more promising quality awaits you.
This whole thing is sinfully unfair, no doubt about it. You don't deserve any of this, and facing (and surviving) infertility changes us forever -- win or lose. as I awaited my beta after DE #1, I tried to erase the the failures of my OE journey and tried to face DE IVFs as if i was starting from scratch. I know you feel exhausted. This sucks. But I knew (and I think you know) that my chances with DE were exponentially better than OE. And we have to just keep fighting.
As the other ladies have said, I am hoping that the Beta trumps the hpt
May 3 2011, 1:07 AM
I am so sorry about the negative pregnancy test, but there are such things as false negatives. I don't know what causes them, and under what circumstances they happen, but I have heard about them.
As for FETs, as someone stated earlier, FETs can and have worked countless times. It's a hard reality because we think that since we are using DE that it is going to happen the first time around. There are so many factors that come into play when ttc naturally that can keep a couple from having a baby, and the same holds true for DE. It, however, doesn't mean that DE isn't a wonderful option and that it can't work.
Hang in there, and I wish you the best for your appointment later today.
Dear Newbie some advice from a veteran (baby ment)
May 3 2011, 3:46 AM
Firstly, I am very sorry this cycle hasn't worked for you. It is shattering to say the least. But DE is not the magic instant bullet. It can be for some, for others it takes three goes, and for those of us desperate enough it can take more than ten times. For me it took 9 goes and one failed surrogacy to get our boy. For someone close to me she got pg first go.
So you see nothing is definite.
How to survive this all... firstly don't count on this being a definite, secondly, always have a plan B. What is your plan B now? I am sure you have one.
Give yourself time to cry and grieve and then move to plan B.
You are one day out from a beta and you have POAS. Well if the test isn't megga sensitive e.g. can show up a positive with more than 20mgs of BHCG then you may still be pg. I know the person close to me always told me 'do not POAS'. This is because she did as you have and got a negative. However, her negative turns 7 this year and he is a good boy.
If your BHCG numbers are high then you will get an early positive if low then you will get a negative.
Have a really decent cry, talk to your doctor, have you had immune testing yet if not then go for it and also get your thyroid function tested.
I think in the end I had around 7 things wrong with me preventing pregnancy but it took time to find this out. Get everything tested now is my best advice for anyone starting out. Don't spend years and years finding out tiny pieces of your puzzle.
Again, I feel for you. Our boy is 5 months now but I spent nearly 6 years ttcing and all those cycles. Protect yourself mentally and it will be easier on you. In the end I viewed each cycle like 'well if it works it works if not then I have plan b'. I grieved, cried, ate chocolate, watched distracting movies and after a little while I jolly well forced myself together and moved to the next part of my plan.
It is up to you how you view things. Realise also that the drugs you take don't help things... give youself time, space, mental space. I write all this in a sympathetic tone.
It is so difficult and unfair. I hope the evil pee sticks were wrong yesterday and you get better news today. Last week I was talking with someone who did not have postive hcg even in lab urine test until she was over seven weeks pregnant. Blood hcg was positive at seven weeks but b/c urine test had been negative twice at lab MD did not check initially. She is now 31 weeks preg. If the news is not good today....big hugs for you. Take care of yourself. It is so disappointing when we go into this DE thing with such high expectations. Take care.
I was in your same shoes 3 1/2 years ago. EXACTLY the same shoes!! I know how devastating it is. But my FET worked (two months after fresh cycle) and he is complaining because he wants me to get breakfast RIGHT NOW! Second fresh cycle has resulted in BFP and I'm now 8 1/2 weeks. It does work, I know it's hard to believe right now, but it does and will. Don't give up!
Why would an FET work when the fresh transfer didn't? Because . . . it might. Seriously. I'm going to leave what you should ask up to the other ladies. The hardest thing for us to accept about DE, especially for the ladies who are turning to it after failed IUI's and IVF's and who think this is the magic bullet, is that there may be no particular reason why a given DE cycle failed, or at least not one that you can control for. Sometimes it just takes multiple tries. I don't know what clinic you're using, but I'm astounded at the success rates I'm hearing for FET's at some of them, so much higher than just a couple of years ago when I was cycling. If you weren't taking Prednisone, I would ask my RE about using it on the next cycle. Good luck and take care! Maggie (in VA)
My heart breaks for you. I am so so sorry. I am not sure if you have your beta yet. But please dont count yourself out until then.
I know the pain of POF all too well and I can imagine the pain when the one thing that is supposed to work for us doesnt work. But from being a lurker of the board for so many years, Ive seen so many successes after the pain of failure. I pray yours come soon enough.
From what I recall, you have many frostees. I really pray your success is still within these frostees.
In a mean time, be gentle with yourself and give yourself some time.
I'm sorry, and there is still hope (preg, loss and baby mentioned)
May 4 2011, 3:24 PM
I am so sorry that you are going through this - it really really sucks!
My understanding is that whether or not it "works" is a function of a lot of different factors. So just because one or two cycles don't work, that doesn't mean nothing will. In our case the fresh didn't work - but we did a FET two months later, and it worked! So please don't give up hope that it can work - it would be great if it was an easier process and less heartwrenching.... but just because the fresh did not work (if that is the case) does not mean the frozen won't either.
Questions to ask the doc: how long to wait to try again? any changes to the protocol? quality of the remaining embryo?
Those are things I would ask.