Now, of course, I'm doing the math and realizing that I should have saved the expenses of meds, out of town monitoring, and travel for a fresh cycle, b/c I spent nearly 1/2 of the cost of a fresh cycle (which gives nearly 50% success) for a FET, which was only 15% success.
I'm so confused. DH and I tried to do the math last winter. We agreed that this was a reasonable risk for the cost. But today it doesn't feel that way. Maybe we miscalculated the cost of the monitoring. I also did acupuncture when I saw that I was off to a slow start, plus some of the meds went up in price.
I'm sorry for your negative beta. Give yourself some time to grieve, and then move on to better luck. I hate thinking about the money spent as well as dealing with a negative beta. It really is alot to deal with. Big hug.
I am really sorry this FET didn't work for you. I've been there and I know how frustrating it is. Take some time for yourself. I hope you are able to rally soon for a fresh cycle. Sending you a big hug.
If you can, cut yourself some slack for the expenditures and know that you and dh made decisions based on where you were at that time. I wish you the best as you regroup and figure out your next step.
Oh Kekona,
I am sorry to hear of the BFN. Its going to sound weird but I have a feeling I will see you on the pink soon I really do. I can 'see' your name over there in my head (must sound like a right weirdo sorry).
Hang in there. Money... money is evil. what is done is done Kekona. Don't beat yourself up over it as it changes nothing petal.
Hope you are ok.
Don't let money stop you cycling. thinking of you, THK
Oh I am so sorry. THe BFNs just suck. ANd it is so hard to second guess all of this. It is all such a crap shoot and it is so hard to play and figure out all of the numbers. Especially when there are so many variables like changing med prices, OOT monitoring, etc.
Take good care of yourself, and when you are ready, regroup and come up with a plan B. We are all here to support you. And if you need a place to vent, cry and let out your frustrations, head over here or the green board. We all get it and are here for you.
thank you for your support and kind thoughts (child ment)
August 30 2011, 8:19 AM
RE the finances -- we are so deep in debt from a needed kitchen/bathroom reno in 2009 (cabinets falling apart, 35yo plumbing not working), tuition for my graduate degree (and no job in sight, yet), 40k for IF tx 10 years ago and 20k+ for 2 fresh cycles, 2 FETs and 1 canceled FET in '08, '10 . . . Going forward will require dipping into retirement funds and will significantly affect how we live in our senior years, and what we can provide for ds and any sibling, if one eventually comes along. I'm going to think about it, though, and also re-examine adoption.
Times like this I get so mad at dh. I used to be fertile. He took years to agree to having a family, and was often such a $h!t even after agreeing. So here we are now, throwing tens of thousands at the treatments.
I know exactly how you feel, I got my bfn last week with negative hpt and beta Monday confirmed. I am so sorry for you and DH. I am sickened at the thought of how much money has gone down the drain with two failed DE cycles this year. It keeps going through my mind and yet I have to 'follow the money' and go for a third cycle. I feel if I don't succeed then I have wasted all that money. But success will mean it was just part and parcel of the journey. I have to keep telling myself there is no point in looking back. The money is gone now. But it is crap. I can't and it is a huge worry.
I hope it all works out for you and your DH and that we both enjoy success next time around.
It's always a punch in the stomach when a transfer fails.
Please don't bang your head against the wall over your decision. There's really just no way to win sometimes. We always think if only we had done this or that, maybe it would have been a wiser decision with a different outcome, but that's just Monday morning quarterbacking. Doing IF treatments has more similarity to gambling in a casino than anything else. I don't think skill or strategy really has much to do with whether you hit the jackpot.
