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I think I'm ready to try again...

September 24 2011 at 12:33 PM
  (Login CrazyLady42)

 
Hi, ladies. I've been absent from this board since July - which is when I had my first ET (failed).

Some of you may remember that my situation is a little different because my husband was diagnosed with cancer and his life expectancy was very short.

I am so sad to say that my husband did, indeed, pass away... after only 10 months since his diagnosis. Thanks to the wonderful hospice people, my husband was able to die at home, in our bed in my arms. I know that he has entered into eternity and is now doing great (no more suffering - only paradise unimaginable!) and for that I am so thankful. But I am, of course, grieving (grieving!) the loss of my one true love, my bestest friend, my constant companion... and (hopefully, still) the father of our child.

I have a few vials left of my husband's sperm and I have "reserved" a wonderful proven donor this time who can cycle with me this year (Oct or Nov). She was not quite sure about doing a second cycle - but I asked the clinic to share a few general details bout my situation and that I had been an egg donor in my younger days, too (so I personally understand the gift she is giving). She agreed.

I may be crazy for continuing to pursue this at this time... but I just have to give it one more try. What do you all think?

Peace, prayers, and a good dose of luck to you all! I look forward to reading your stories and your progress...


 
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Cslm
(no login)

I think you are amazing

September 24 2011, 2:02 PM 

I am so very sorry for your loss and all you've been through. Your journey is still happening and you are so strong. I think you are amazing and will cheer for you every step of the way. Many prayers coming your way. This seems like the right path for you.

 
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thesameboat
(no login)

I agree

September 24 2011, 3:38 PM 

And I hope you find success very soon.

I am so terribly sorry to hear about the loss of you husband and I hope you find comfort.

 
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(no login)

Re: I think I'm ready to try again...

September 24 2011, 2:30 PM 

I'm sitting hear in a puddle of tears. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dearest. Your love and courage leave me speechless. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I absolutely don't think you're crazy, but I would give yourself some time to grieve before launching into another stressful situation. I understand the "let's-get-on-with-it" philosophy (very much happy.gif, but want you to be in the best place possible before you move forward.

Good luck with everything!

 
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(Login jentenn)

I agree with Starfish...

September 24 2011, 4:32 PM 

I am in awe of your strength, but I agree that you need to allow yourself time to grieve. Cycling (and hopefully pregnancy) is hard even when we're at our best. My deepest sympathy for your loss, and you have my wholehearted support whatever you decide.

 
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margolis
(Login margolis)

(((Crazylady)))

September 25 2011, 3:09 AM 

Oh my, you have surely been through so much. FIrst, I want to send my sincere condolences. I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad that the hospice was able to arrange a way for your DH's passing to be peaceful, and with you holding him.

Only you will know if the time is right. I can't begin to imagine the grief you are feeling. I also suspect this is something that you and your DH discussed already, and possibly being pg will give you a closeness and help you in the grieving process. But, as we all know, this is such an emotional roller coaster in the best of circumstances. I am single and have been doing it alone from the get go. But, I definitely think you will miss his physical presence as you go through all of this alone. I hope you have a good therapist that you can talk to about all of this. ANd those feeling of grief and missing him as you embark on this journey. The therapist and ultimately you will decide when the timing is right. I don't think it is necessarily too early, as I think you have already planned a lot for this. But, regardless of when you cycle, I would recommend having a strong support system with you, so as feelings come up, you have a place to discuss this. I wish that Funintheskies was still lurking. She is now busy with a new baby, as well as a toddler-ish. Her baby was born in the summer, I think. Anyhow, she was in a similar situation, other than she was doing an FET.

Only you will know when it is the right time to cycle. And I wish you good luck and will cheer for you, whenever that time comes. Know that you can always come here for support as well.

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss, and I wish you well in your future.

 
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(Login TheMzD)

Best of luck!!

September 25 2011, 10:38 AM 

I so hope you find success!

Kay

" Some people built castles in the air. She constructed hers from mashed potatoes, which kept down demolition costs." Sarah Sloane, Borrowing Priviledges

 
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Maggie in VA
(Login maggie1961)

Was just thinking of you yesterday!

September 25 2011, 1:26 PM 

Thanks for posting, despite this being a time of sadness for you. I wish you all the luck in the world in having a child with your late husband. I don't think you're crazy; I think you're incredibly brave. Take care, Maggie (in VA)

 
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cotton
(Login BabyCotton)

my deepest condolences

September 25 2011, 7:36 PM 

dear crazy lady... i do not think you are crazy! i am so very sorry for your loss and if i were in your shoes, i would want to do everything i could to have the love of my life's baby. i'm wishing you all the very best and look forward to hearing about your journey. you are amazing.

 
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LMD
(Login lovemydoggies)

so sorry about your husbannd.....

September 25 2011, 9:14 PM 

You have been through so much. I wish you success in your quest for a family. Take care and keep us posted. LMD

 
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THK
(Login perthkitty)

good to hear from you

September 25 2011, 9:38 PM 

Hi CL,
I am very sorry to hear your husband has passed away. Grief is hardgoing for sure. I hope you are ok honey.
IMHO you go for it with this donor and your DH's sperm. You go for it and you achieve your goal. We are all behind you wishing you well and are here to cheer you on,
Glad you are back and doing another cycle, best and thinking of you petal, THK

 
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samys
(no login)

go for it

September 26 2011, 8:18 AM 

You are not crazy at all, just super brave. If I were in your situation, I would hope that I would be strong enough to do the exact same thing. Do whatever you need to do to build the family that you want. I'll be rooting for you every step of the way. Good luck.

 
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CrazyLady
(Login CrazyLady42)

Thanks, ladies

September 26 2011, 1:37 PM 

Thank you for your concerned and encouraging words...

I feel the love!! wink.gif


 
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