<< Previous Topic | Next Topic >>Return to Index  

BFN am a messy mass

December 9 2011 at 2:38 AM
  (no login)

 
And so after two weeks of waitng i went for the test well a test for nothing that is and it was negative. i could see the nurse had no words for poor me. i just didnt know how to react but for brief moment i went blank, cold and then hot and i started to sweat as i plundered what the negative meant. this was the fourth time in this Clinic and four IVFs that have ressulted into negatives after spending a fortune.

What frustrates me most is when i went for Fertility i got no results saying why i could not conceive and after so much trials with clomid i went for OE ivf it was negative then i went for DE it its negative x 3 dont forget remember i leave with a promise of twins only to get a negative .

I just need advise if any, one: have i feel lost yet my heart refuses tolet gothe dreamof having this baby. i wish i could quit but i just cant.

And so i have no exitement looking to Dec holidays as people are planning where to go and what to do blar blar blar am just blank and look like my life is even more empty than it has ever been. infact very empty. after i returned home after the failed IFV my house looked more emptier, more vast, more void than i had left in the morning with expectation of returning with good news. and so am just there nothing look good to me anymore. i dont whether to blame God or fate or life or the world but one big question is why me.
And guess what when i got on the road on my way to give this update what i see is a woman holding a just new born. i think i felt so jelous of her and just drove very quickly as i held back tears.
May be one day it will be me going home holding my bundle of joy.

 
 Respond to this message   
AuthorReply
Mrs. M
(no login)

I'm so sorry

December 9 2011, 7:32 AM 

The hopes and disappointments of this journey are so cruel. Take care of yourself. I hope some time will heal your heart.

 
 Respond to this message   
futurebeauty
(no login)

(((Hugs)))

December 9 2011, 8:10 AM 

You are grieving and allowing yourself to which is a great sign of future healing and recovery. I am so sad for you. Maybe in Jan or Feb you and your doctor can figure out what is going on and why you keep getting negative results.

I hope you can find some joy and hope this holiday season and focus on that to get you through this hard time.

Hugs,
futurebeauty

 
 Respond to this message   
thesameboat
(Login thesameboat)

I am so sorry.

December 9 2011, 9:01 AM 

I know how painful it is. Take care of yourself. I hope you find success soon.

 
 Respond to this message   

(Login TheMzD)

I am so very sorry

December 9 2011, 9:03 AM 

There arent any words to take away the pain you are feeling right now - I wish there was. I wish this worked for every one, every time.

Take time for you - find something you enjoy to hold to onto.

Kay

" Some people built castles in the air. She constructed hers from mashed potatoes, which kept down demolition costs." Sarah Sloane, Borrowing Priviledges

 
 Respond to this message   
zane
(Login sane10)

that was me 2 years ago

December 9 2011, 9:05 AM 

just before Christmas we got a disappointing BFN on our 2nd and last FET w/ first donor. That was the worst Christmas ever; all I could do was cry and we were both do sad and depressed when everybody else was celebrating the season. After the holidays we pulled ourselves together again, and started scarping together funds to cycle again...just couldn't imagine another Christmas like that. We chose a donor who was ready to go; and transferred in February; another chemical on the fresh (our first fresh transfer was a chemical, too...)!
Following month we put back 3 on a FET; and by a miracle one stuck! Just this morning I went to Labcorp for some routine blood work;, and remembered sitting there at the same office waiting for my blood test to find out if that FET had worked...I started tearing up thinking about it, and the tech thought i was afraid of the the blood draw; I told her why I was crying and she gave me hug...turns out she had miscarried her first baby too and knows how hard this can get. We shared pictures of our LOs, and when I walked out I thought how close we were to giving up after the multiple DE failures, and if we hadn't pressed on how DS would not be here today. He is turning 1 next week; and I never knew one can feel so much love towards something; he is the best thing that ever happened to us.
I say this over and over again; but do not give up. There was apparently nothing wrong w/me or DH; we were just having really bad luck w/ out embryos, and had to go thru 5 DE transfers to get our little boy. When it happens in the end, you will be the happiest girl alive. Hoping you will continue to try,
all the best

zane

but just in case; don't know if you've been tested for immune issues or DH's sperm for fragmentation? I went on Lovenox for the last successful fet though don't have any known immune/blood clotting issues. I don't know if Lovenox helped but we did get a BFP that cycle....

 
 Respond to this message   
Seymo
(Login Seymo)

Oh dear. I am so sorry (MC ment)

December 9 2011, 9:15 AM 

I know what you mean about the holidays and the seeming empty home. For the past four Decembers I have had either a MC or a failed IVF. Each year, I don't think I will survive the holidays. One year I actually started looking for a new house.

I don't know how and I have no advice (except to take really good care), but some how you will get through and make a plan for going forward. I am so very sorry and hope you know that we are all here for you. Many hugs.

 
 Respond to this message   

(no login)

I am so sorry...(adoption and success mentioned)

December 9 2011, 11:08 AM 

My days of being on the infertility roller coaster is over. But I come to this side to provide support for those that need it. I was wondering did you do any tests to see if you needed Lovenox or baby aspirin? When it comes to "no obvious reason" sometimes we just have to try any and every little thing. I asked to be put on baby aspirin, I ate lots of pineapple and protein during and before the 2 week wait. I have no idea if any of this made a differance at all, for some none of this helped, but since I had no idea why I was on this roller coaster I tried anything that would not hurt. I will say that before moving on to DE I was so broken down from all the failed IVF and clomed attempts I could not move forward with DE. So I decided to take control of my fate to be a mom and adopted. A sure way to ensure I would be a mom and have a child in my arms. I was so glad I did, I only moved on to DE after a year as a mom and wanting a sibling for my son. I was going to adopt again but decided to try 1 cycle with DE and its during this cycle I did the pineapple, protein, baby aspirin cause I knew I only had 1 attempt and was clueless as to why I was in this boat.

I had decided to spend this kind of money over and over and not have a child was beyond my understanding as much debt as we were in, so that's why I moved on to adoption. We adopted through Catholic Charities and people told me it would be stressful my goodness adopting was a piece of cake! We just had to wait our turn. You can go through an agency or through your state. Basically it gives you a break from this infertility roller coaster and allows you to be in control. You don't have to give up, just be determined like I was to "become a mom by any means necessary". That's all I wanted was to be a mom, being pregnant was "one" of the ways to get there, but there are other ways also.

 
 Respond to this message   
Maggie in VA
(Login maggie1961)

Oh, you poor thing . . . (kids ment'd)

December 9 2011, 12:48 PM 

I am sorry. I think it's always the hardest for the ladies who have unexplained infertility. I remember that feeling of emptiness and the shame of jealousy at seeing pg ladies and women w/babies. Embarrassingly enough, I still experience it somewhat, even with my twins. Hang in there. As Dee states, adoption is possible, especially if you're younger.

I will say this: four times and four negatives at the same clinic? If you plan to keep going, I'd think about trying another clinic.

{{Hugs!}}

Maggie (in VA)

 
 Respond to this message   
karma
(no login)

The disappointment can be overwhelming (pg meant)

December 9 2011, 5:47 PM 

Like so many of us, I have difficulty TTC. Neither DH or I could pull it together after our first failed DE cycle. Somehow one of us had the strength to pull the other one up and from then on we were determined.
Thankfully things worked out and we are 32 wks. I know the holidays can really stink when all of this has you in its grip. All I can offer is to really stay close with your spouse and try to give each other some strength. That is the only way we made it through. And I know you can too.
Best to you. Be kind to yourself and if you can't make it to a holiday party, simply bow out. If being around your siblings children is too much- a white lie of being sick on the holiday is not the end of the world. First and foremost- take care of yourself.

 
 Respond to this message   
Chris
(no login)

soo sorry...I only have a suggestion that might have worked for me

December 9 2011, 8:13 PM 

I have had NUMEROUS failed IVFs and a lot of Mcs with my OE and with DE. We just had our second donor transfer after a failed Fresh and one FET transfer with a really good responding, non proven donor.

My RE, who worked under Dr. Beers, suggested that I get IVIG done this time. I was blown away with the cost (cheapest was $2000) but we had already spent thousands and thousands to get nowhere.

I am now pg with twins and everything looks normal, even though it is still very early. The PG out of all of mine had the strongest betas I have ever had. I do not know if it was the proven donor that we picked or the IVIG. All I know is that this is looking promising after I had the one infusion. I will get another infusion after the next scan for HB.

If you are having any immune problems at all, I would look into doing this procedure. They come to your home and infuse you over a two to three hour period. I have to think this helped me since I have never had success until now.

Again I truly sorry and empathetic. I have been there over and over. Please take care of yourself.

Hugs

 
 Respond to this message   
Current Topic - BFN am a messy mass
  << Previous Topic | Next Topic >>Return to Index  
Find more forums on FertilityCreate your own forum at Network54
 Copyright © 1999-2014 Network54. All rights reserved.   Terms of Use   Privacy Statement