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Ariadne and all of you (negative)

January 8 2012 at 5:18 PM
Bharani  (no login)

 
I am down, I am alone in my apartment. I don't know what to do, where to go or run....etc

Today is day 11 after transfer, do I continue the med or stop? What do you think?

Ariadne: I will try to answer what I remember from your posting, thank you in advance.
No I am not with CNY i went abroad for the reason of cost. The doctor wasn't optimistic about the embroyos asking me about dh's sperm. As far as I remember when I was doing oe iui. We did dna fragmentation and I think it was fine. The doctor at that time said since they found out low sperm count and mortility to do ivf and icsi. That is why I went to ivf after one iui. I hope ladies in this board will help me what type of anti-oxidant to put my dh. He has been taking fertlity blend for men. And around 3 years ago we went to doctor Check. He said dh sperm is excellent and that we don't even need icsi or ivf. Of course, at that time I wasn't responding to high dose of gonal f. So we didn't bother doing ivf again with him, but did once before that which turned out to be iui. I ovulated early.
I will take the book. My problem is having negative thoughts, and I don't know how to become positive person. HELP!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!
This cycle I did ivig, predisone, baby aspirin, and claxane, and lining was good 10-11. I have 3 frozen embroyos which are morula, but they were suppose to be at the stage of blast the day they froze. Do I bother transfering them? The doctor asked me if we had done dna fragmentation saying the way she saw the embroyos dividing wasn't great.
OH! my sister is because of her illness but still she has other issue too. I will wait for your answers and then decide what road to take after that. I hope Ariadne I answer all your questions that you asked if there are more please ask me again I really need help.
Thanks in advance

 
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thesameboat
(no login)

((Bharani))

January 8 2012, 6:06 PM 

Please do not stop taking the meds unless or until you have had a blood test (Beta) at your doctor's office. The urine tests are not as accurate and can be wrong.

I am so sorry you are still going through this hell. I know how hard it is and I wish for the best for you.

I'm sorry. I don't know what I would do about the frozen embryos. My first instinct is to transfer anything, because embryos are so hard to get, but I understand why you would hesitate if you don't think they are able to live.

 
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Bharani
(no login)

I did bloodwork today

January 8 2012, 6:19 PM 

but it was day 11. I am suppose to do bloodwork on Thursday. I don't know if 4 days will make any difference, it the beta is 1
Thank you, you have been helpful always.

 
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(no login)

11 days past retrieval?

January 8 2012, 9:17 PM 

That is really soon to have your beta and put much faith in it if you had a late implanter. I hope you keep on with your meds till Thursday. Look at betabase.info and see that other women have had very low betas and viable pregnancies even so.

 
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Anonymous
(no login)

She posted below, 11dpt at beta n/t

January 8 2012, 10:13 PM 


 
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Ariadne
(Login ariadne2)

First of all, of course you're down (success ment.)

January 8 2012, 6:10 PM 

Please don't beat yourself up over feeling negative. I'm not sure I know of anyone who was cheerful & positive at the point in the journey you're at now. You do not have to be positive under the circumstances, so don't require it of yourself if you just can't get there. It's OK & it's normal.

I thought you were with CNY for some reason. OK, when in your cycle did you do IVIG? And was it based on test results or just prophylactic? Do you recall the dose?

ICSI is not a fix for sperm dna fragmentation, so you want to know if it's an issue or not. Has your dh been on fertility blend for years now?

I would verify whether you actually had the sperm dna fragmentation test or not. If not, I would have it done before making a decision on the remaining embryos. I would also do karyotyping (chromosomal analysis) on your dh. Compared to the cost of a DE cycle, the cost is minimal & you can rule him in or out as an issue. At the time I did the tests, they were $350 & $500, respectively, with no insurance coverage.

Interesting that 2 different doctors found such diverse results with dh's sperm. I'm not sure what to make of that, but admittedly, I'm far from well-versed in that area. We did full testing on my dh & he checked out, so that was the end of it for us re. sperm.

Honestly, it sounds like maybe you haven't had a fair shot with quality embryos yet. In your shoes, I would do the testing on dh first.

If that checks out, I would want to know what immune & clotting tests were run, & the results.

Do you know if the donor you used donated before & the results? Unfortunately, it could still be an egg issue.

I know it can be hard & it can be overwhelming, so here's what I would do:

1. Get all of your medical records. You are entitled to copies. It can take a month or so to get them, but request copies from all your treating clinics & have the records sent directly to you. They should all have a form they can email you, which you can fill out & mail or fax back. There will probably be a minimal copy charge.

2. Separate out or tab all the immune & thrombophilia testing, as well as any tests run on dh. Even if you have issues with sperm in the end, you want to know what testing they did on you & what the results were. Sometimes both partners have issues, sometimes only 1 does, & sometimes neither does.

What you were tested for & the results can be critical, depending. My 1st cycle with IVIG also failed. At the time, I didn't know any better, but I was given a low dose 1 day before ET. Later on I came to question the timing & the dose, & I finally got my results in hand & my NKs were quite high that cycle. I then went on to fail another cycle without IVIG b/c I was told my NKs were normal. Again, later I got the actual results & they were the borderline of high, not normal. Many blood tests later showed that I flare significantly with implantation, so neither of those cycles had a chance. Anyway, that is not necessarily your situation at all, but just an example of why it's important to look at the results yourself.

3. Get sperm dna fragmentation testing & karyotyping on dh. If it were me, I would redo it if he had it (the sperm dna fragmentation), but I can also understand choosing not to do it if his results were phenomenal. The fact that the embryos aren't dividing as they should would indicate sperm or egg issues or both, though.

I'm sorry about your sister. I hope she gets better & things improve for you both.

When is your beta? It sounds like you're either 14dpo or 16dpo. I think you should wait for your beta. You just never know. I know several women on the board who started out with very low betas at around 16dpo & my initial betas were something like 26, 52, 39, 41, 72, etc., so they were both very low & odd. I don't think you should stop meds based on hpt results. I will keep my fingers crossed for you until then.

You are in such a painful place right now. I hate to see you beat yourself up over not being a positive person. Very few people can maintain a positive attitude in the face of repeated failure over something so deeply personal & desired. Wanting a child is natural & so basic, & it hurts beyond words to be denied. Please don't put yourself down further over feeling negative. The most important thing here is to keep plodding on. Don't give up. That is the key. I don't feel like you're situation is hopeless at all. I told my dh that I just wanted a fair shot at it & I felt I hadn't had one until I went to the Beer Center. He was skeptical & less than thrilled at the time, but I knew I hadn't had a fair chance.


 
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Ariadne
(no login)

A couple of links

January 8 2012, 6:49 PM 

The Yahoo Immune Group. I've never loved the format of this group, compared to network 54 boards, but this is the board for those in the thick of immune issue exploration. You can always search the board by doctor's name, treatment type, or test if you want specific info.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/immunologysupport/messages

I have never heard of the woman in the below link before, but I checked out her site b/c it was mentioned on the Yahoo Immune Group. I just wanted to link it for you & anyone else interested. I'm honestly thrilled to see new names & additional choices popping up for women. There needs to be more choices for us outliers, to borrow minniet's very apt description.

Her 2nd paragraph actually gave me goosebumps b/c her last sentence is EXACTLY what happened to me when I changed to an immune-issue friendly clinic. It still wasn't enough b/c it was still off the mark. I'm really happy to see this option for people.

http://web.me.com/conceivablesolutions/baby/Welcome.html

I found the Shared Journey site to be easy to read & understand, unlike some of the other resources out there.

http://sharedjourney.com/test.html

 
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thesameboat
(Login thesameboat)

Excellent advice, Ariadne nt

January 9 2012, 1:35 AM 


 
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Daisy
(no login)

Fantastic, comprehensive advice Ariadne. I totally agree

January 9 2012, 4:42 AM 

with your post.

Bharani - Please check out all of Ariadne's advice. In addition to clotting, sperm, uterine, autoimmune and immune, have you also had your thyroid tested and have you and DH also been tested for Mycoplasma, Ureaplasma, chlamydia and other infections?

Best of luck,
Daisy
xxx


 
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E&H
(no login)

I'm so sorry

January 8 2012, 6:41 PM 

Was hoping you would get a positive beta because OMG it is your time. It is just not fair how some people suffer and yes, I can imagine it is hard to put one foot in front of the other right now. Big hugs.

 
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minniet
(no login)

Bharani

January 9 2012, 12:17 AM 

I don't know what to say as advice, but please know you are NOT ALONE. I'm sending you hugs.

 
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Pandora
(Login Pandora-VA)

(((Bharani)))

January 9 2012, 7:00 AM 

i know that feeling that you are describing, where you are so upset that you just do not know what to do with ourself.  i am so very sorry that it was negative.  please do not give up hope.  hugs to you.

pandora


 
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Seymo
(Login Seymo)

I am so sorry

January 9 2012, 11:19 AM 

I know that very-down and disappointed feeling a bit myself. I have been following along with your journey and I am so sorry that I can only offer you a silent prayer for a peaceful and clear mind as you decide how to proceed.

Take care,
Seymo

 
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Mrs. M
(no login)

Bharani, I'm so sorry.

January 9 2012, 1:54 PM 

This is so difficult. Take care of yourself. Take time to heal and then make a decision about your frosties. ((HUGS))

 
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KerriA
(no login)

Oh (((Bharani)))

January 9 2012, 5:53 PM 

I am so sorry. I hope you can find some good things to do for yourself. This just plain suck. And I hope you find success very soon.

best,
kerri

 
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Bharani
(no login)

thank you ladies

January 9 2012, 8:13 PM 

I went to be early like 8 pm and then woke up at 2.30 am. I never fall sleep after that. Today, it was the first day to return since I took 3 weeks off. I told them that I was going to visit a city. Which was a lame reason, when most of them came and of course asked me pictures I had tears and finally told to two of the ladies. I am not good at it lying.
Thank you very much. I am still taking the med but I don't think it will change.


 
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lauranz
(Login phoebegrace)

I'm so sorry love...

January 10 2012, 4:12 AM 

you deserve a break after all the hardship you've been through to reach your dream. You've had some great advice.
Be very kind to yourself for a while as you figure out your next steps.
Hugs.

 
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