Although I am trying to stay optimistic for our upcoming FET, I am thinking about next steps (and making a further attempt with another donor). My question is how many DE attempts is reasonable to try? I realize that any answer is very subjective/personal, but wondering what attempt # other people have had in their minds.
I am asking myself this very same question a lot lately
January 12 2012, 1:01 PM
and I supposed the answer for me is "until I can't take it anymore."
I am on the SG guarantee plan - 6 fresh DE cycles with all FETs for one price which we paid upfront. But I know in my heart that there is no way I will make it through 6 cycles.
DE, for me has been as hard - maybe harder - than the 4 OE IVFs I did and I have only failed one DE so far. I am not sure why, maybe its the lack of control, or the fact that I have been at this for awhile (roughly 6 years), or my disillusionment with the whole process. I thought DE was going to be the magic bullet but it has not. I really don't want to have to put me or my DH through much more. I think my personality is one that does not do well with the constant set backs. I am sure others are more resilient than me and that is how they can get through.
I think (and I hope) that we will know when we have reached the tipping point. Meanwhile, I hope my doctor(s) is ethical enough to tell me if and when I hit that point, medically, or pursue additional testing to make sure I am not spinning my wheels.
I don't think reason plays much role in the decision to continue in the face of discouraging results. Making that decision has more to do with what your heart and mind can handle. Is the pain of a failed DE cycle more difficult to bare than to stop trying? That's the question I ask myself as I go forward.
Re: I am asking myself this very same question a lot lately
January 12 2012, 3:24 PM
I was in a similar situation. I like many thought Donor Egg was the magic answer to our prayers. When the first cycle didn't work, I was upset but I knew I had frosties. When the first FET didn't work, I was devastated. I was close to throwin in the towel. I took almost a year off from all treatments, loose some weight, and take some time for myself after 4 years of treatments. In Dec we did a second FET and I am now pregnant. It is an emotional journey like no other, so listen to yourself and do whatever you need to do.
Seriously, I don't think there's a reasonable number except how many you can afford and still be able to turn to gestational carrier or adoption when you feel like you need to throw in the towel on your own body. I had read a stat that said that 90% of women would get pg w/i three DE attempts (and, in retrospect, I think that must have meant fresh cycles and in the absence of major gyno problems), so I decided I'd commit to three cycles and decide what I wanted to do if none worked. #2 worked, so I didn't get there. But I can say that if #2 hadn't worked, I was definitely going in for some major testing before doing another cycle. Take care, kiddo! Maggie (in VA)
It is a personal decision, and I almost stopped at the 6th cycle with no baby. Because of a change in my insurance, I was afforded one additional fresh cycle. I went into it half-heartedly and the results of which are presently napping in her room. Each time it doesn't work feels so final and it is very hard to "get it up" to go through it all again (if you know what I mean), but I am so glad we did it one more time.
We needed 6 DE transfers ( eventual success mentioned)
January 12 2012, 3:06 PM
5 donors, 6 transfers
And it was hard. But I could not imagine giving up. We tried for 9 years. Neither of us had children before. I married DH when I was 35 and we started trying right away. DD was born when I was 44.
I hope your journey will be shorter.
He wanted to only try once, I wanted two different donors. It's a very difficult decision to make. I was worried that if we only tried once, what if it was a bad cycle. I didn't want to cycle and cycle, but I felt if I tried with two donors and it didn't work then I'd be comfortable moving on in whatever way that would be.
I don't think you can predict the number that is right for you ahead of time.
January 12 2012, 8:53 PM
As previously stated it is more of an emotional decision than a rational one. My dh and I had agreed to one DE cycle (1 fresh and FET's as available). when that cycle failed, the pain of that failure was awful. My dh was done but for me the pain of stopping was much worse than the failures. I did not get over the failure until we started working on a plan to cycle again. I think only you can know when you have had enough.
I think I would have found a way to keep going (pg)
January 12 2012, 11:16 PM
Not sure when I would have given up. I definitely had my next step lined up and ready to go should the third go-round have failed (first two were vitrified egg trials, third was donor embryo so I was not out as much financially at that point as many are - maybe $16k). I am not sure when enough would have finally been enough. I DID have plans to stop trying with my own eggs at 42. Then 43. But when I shifted my mindset to donor eggs/embryos, I wanted to keep moving on and trying again.
I didn't put a limit on it. I thought I did but that was only related to getting a BFN or when the Indian surrogacy turned into the biggest nightmare of my entire life.
Your goal... to have a baby will mean you will do as many as it takes. For some this means one DEIVF for others such as myself this means 8 IVF.
Its always good to have a plan B... remember with DEIVF there is no deadend unlike OEIVF.
good luck, THK