I just wanted to vent a littleTomorrow I am supposed to attend a baby shower for my honeys cousin that I love very much. It seems like every two to three weeks for the rest of the upcoming months I have invites sitting on my desk for baby showers. My dilemma is each one of them I hold dear to my heart. I love them all and I am extremely happy for each of them, but the thought of going even to the one tomorrow is causing a lump in my throat and making me feel somewhat depressed. I actually started telling myself, is something wrong with me? I am honestly happy for them, but at the same time I feel like I dont want to attend. I couldnt sleep last night. And now I am trying to figure out a way to tell my hun that I dont know whether I can attend..What do I do? Is this normal? Help!!! Thanks, Ladies..Babydust & Blessings to you all
I at times would want to skip out on Christmas parties and things of that nature, because I just couldn't chalk up enough strength to go. But our families are pretty big and these events are always happening. I decided to go and honeslty it wasn't that bad. I kept myself in deep conversation while I was there. And a glass of wine assisted me with a little distraction from all that was happening around us. Crazy thing is I have 4 more invites..
I really regret some of the baby showers I attended, and finally realized I had to stop. I felt like I was so sad, couldn't help it, and felt foolish and envious. I still will attend one occasionally, but only when it is for someone who has struggled through IF and can be sensitive.
If you are this stressed, just make up an excuse.
I missed one of my best friend's baby showers and she has never given it a thought...she loves me and knows how hard this is.
I had some embarrassing public meltdowns when I just didn't want to admit the impact this was having on my life, so I say gauge your tolerance very carefully. Now, my husband and I were in a deep marital conflict, too, so it wasn't just sadness over childlessness, but I would have spared myself (and a few innocent bystanders) that if I'd been willing to admit I needed to give myself a break. Since my IF was just age-related (or so I thought), I felt even more foolish than a woman w/a realistic expectation of being able to conceive. Take care, Maggie (in VA)
I built up the courage to go. I really wanted to see her. J's family means so much to me. They are all so close knit. I just kept myself very busy with conversations and J kept checking on me to see if I was okay. I have 4 more to go within March to May. :o
We'll see how they pan out.. :\
Just do what you can do, and take care of yourself.
I've been to many, but this past year was just not possible...except my IF friend...and she made it very clear that she would love to have me but I did not have to come. Also, the only women there had been in my IF support group, including DE.
I ended up going. I told myself keep a positive thought process and enjoy it. I asked for strength and went. J's family is very close knit and I wanted to be there. I got butterflies and jitters before I entered, but once I was there I kept myself very busy in conversation with others. His cousin knows what we have to do in order to family build. So I've noticed they try to distract me from it. I actually enjoyed myself, which was a nice surprise.
Early in my IF journey I forced myself to attend baby showers and other "kid/baby" activities because of the guilt of not going. I eventually I learned that taking care of me was the most important thing (didn't do that on my own, had some help from a great counselor). I just started giving gift/gift card outside of celebration. If people are aware of your journey, share you reasons and people that care about you will understand. If people do not know, I just made up some excuse. It is not worth the anxiety that comes before, the torture of sitting through the festivities, and the depressed feeling after the activities. You could suddenly get sick today if you need an excuse for the shower today. Your feelings are completely normal. Don't beat yourself up with the guilt, I know easier said then done. Your feeling are your feelings, they are not food or bad.
I ended up going. I really wanted to be there. At first I felt jitters beforehand, but once I got there, I got so deep into conversation I forgot where I was for a bit. J's family tries their best to be more sensitive to me and my feelings. They are aware of everything. I have 4 more showers to go to, so I guess I'll pan them out and see what happens.
I actually had to HOST a baby shower for my SIL a few weekends ago... it nearly killed me. After getting through that, I promised myself I wouldn't attend another, at least until I can do it without a giant knot in my stomach. Don't put yourself through the trauma - anyone you're close to will understand.
I ended up going. I just kept myself distracted and I felt pretty decent. There was a lot of people attending so with the music and conversations it allowed me to distract mu mind from it all. I actually enjoyed it. But I have 4 more to go, so we'll see how that works out.
So you don't have to go shopping for kids' thngs. There is nothing wrong with just replying that it's unfortunately not possible for you to attend. I would not try to explain why. They will not understand.
I ended up going. It did hurt when I entered into Babiesrus. I have to admit I felt like I couldn't breathe. I even saw a newborn in a stroller nestled in her coat and pink blanket and my heart just melted. J's sister was with me and she kept me calm. We had a plan on what to shop for, got it, and fled the store. I like the giftcard option. I think that may be the next option for us. I went to the shower and actually had a great time. There were a lot of attendees. The music and conversations distracted me. And I didn't participate in the gift part. I couldn't bare to see little Jazzy feet socks and bows..I have 4 more to go to so we'll see how I feel.
Sometimes I had a last minute stomach bug or cold, and sometimes I was very honest and up front...but I usually begged off the baby showers. I even begged off a welcome home for a newly adopted baby. I just couldn't do it. The few times I forced myself to attend such events, I had meltdowns before and after. It just isn't worth the pain. Nothing is worth that pain and the endless conversations and questions from relative strangers about when your "time will come" yadda yadda...why do this to yourself, sweetie?
Yes the dreaded "You're time is coming" or "You're not getting any younger". Thank goodness I didn't hear that. J's family is aware of our situation and they try to be as sensitive as possible. I ended up going. I was suprisingly ok. I kept myself busy in conversation and enjoyed myself. I am invited to 4 other showers we'll see how that goes
I Sympathise with you 100%. You know what? Your friends will understand why you say you can't attend.
You don't have to go. Its the most difficult thing to do if you are ttcing.
Think seriously about not going because if you go it will upset you.
There is no guilt in not going to these showers.
You have a shower of your own when the time comes and invite all your friends and give each a bottle of champagne to take away, best, THK
I love the champagne idea..I ended up going. I told myself if it became too much Im leaving. J was aware of it as well. I ended up having a decent time. I got caught up in conversations with others and it distracted me from other things. I have a few more showers to attend and Ill just see how I am feeling at that time and decide what to do then..