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Heading out Friday to see Mom, thanks everyone

March 7 2012 at 1:36 PM
minniet  (no login)

 
First of all, thank you all for your incredible support and posts. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have this safe place to work this through, and only you all could really understand what this all means.

I was determined not to walk into the lion's den again. But I called my Mom to tell her how difficult it would be to find a ticket, and I could tell that she really wanted to see me. My Mom is not a demanding person and this is what she wanted.

I booked a ticket to leave this Friday and return Saturday. I will have an afternoon and evening, and all morning and lunch with her. I will tell her that I would really like to spend the time alone with her if possible.

I was able to purchase the ticket with points, and while I will not be here with my husband during some business stuff that is vital to our lives, he supports me.

I will not have to miss any cycle appointments or do terribly complex shots or regimens (just lupron) during travel. I just faxed the final legal contracts and it is all paid for (yikes!). Donor has picked up meds.

My Mom and I have an amazing relationship and talk and spend as much time together as we can, so I must assume that her needing me now is important for her, and perhaps her last wishes. She also knows that even if she gets well enough to live longer, she will not be able to travel, and I will not be able to either if we get pregnant.

Wish me luck.

 
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Maggie in VA
(Login maggie1961)

You will never regret it . . .

March 7 2012, 2:18 PM 

I couldn't respond to your post below, but wondered whether you could follow through on your determination not to go to her. If you make it all about her and refuse to engage with your difficult relatives should they try to harass you, I think you'll be fine. {{Hugs}} Maggie (in VA)

 
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Lauranz
(Login phoebegrace)

So glad to hear this (ETA)

March 7 2012, 3:03 PM 

Ive been hoping this might be the outcome. If you need to imagine all of us standing shoulder to shoulder with you, please do so...
(ETA): at least something we who have done the long hard yards of IF over many many years, can take comfort in is that we have learnt to choose paths that will leave the fewest regrets possible.
I think that is what this course of action will give you.


    
This message has been edited by phoebegrace on Mar 7, 2012 11:47 PM


 
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Kenny
(Login Kenny2006)
Moderators

((minniet))

March 7 2012, 3:35 PM 

I'm so sorry for your pain and hope this visit goes very well (that your stepfather and sister stay away for just a while so you can visit in peace with your mom). My family dynamics are similar to yours except that mercifully my stepfather passed away first so I can now see my mom occasionally, so I totally get how difficult this is. I think you will be very glad you did this, though. ((Huge hugs)). Sending strength your way to stay calm and peaceful during your visit,
Kenny

 
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demomone
(no login)

Have a good visit

March 7 2012, 3:49 PM 

You will never regret this and I am so happy that you will have this time with your dear mother.

 
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emilyr99
(Login emilyr99)

There with you

March 7 2012, 5:14 PM 

I'm glad you came to this decision. Just know we are all there with you. If you find it really difficult with your family there, just excuse yourself for a few quick breaths. Your mum may want to see you all together before she goes, so be prepared for that. Much love and support to you at this time. Thinking of you.

 
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Hope2009
(no login)

Peace be with you and your mom Minniet...m

March 7 2012, 6:19 PM 

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this at this stage of your ttc cycle. I do know what this is like as my mom has been suffering from dementia for a few years now and in fact was diagnosed around the time that we were moving forward with our first DE cycle. There was a time that I thought I should just let go of my dream and care for my mom but it wouldn't have changed things for her in the end had I done so.

While dementia can go on for years...and I thought she would be with us for awhile...when she had several falls last month and finally ended up in the hosptial where they did a ct scan we were told that she would only have a few months to live as her cognitive ability was so low.

We never thought it would be less than a week after the diagnoses. She died of a stroke in my sisters arms last Tuesday, Feb 28th. It was a peaceful and quick passing.

I had been reading a precious book in Feb, called, "Final Gifts' and it truly was a gift to me as I saw she was giving us many early death awareness signs even though she wasn't really communicating well with words at the end of her life. She did tell us that she wanted to see certain people...my oldest sister responded to late and arrrived from out of town an hour after she passed. Also, she was talking about taking a trip and also there were many moments where she would stare off into the distance and smile at something we could not see...all magical now that I look back and she was definately telling us that she was leaving.

So Minniet, this is what I wanted to say...by going you will never have any regrets...hopefully you can have some time where you are just holding each other's hands and looking into each other's eyes and those will be the golden moments to last a lifetime. It's so hard to say goodbye to our mothers as we are trying so hard to become mothers...so much emotion is tied to this journey. I pray your mom has peace...as do you and you can both move on from here...on your respective paths...knowing that you are both so loved. When we are in that state miracles happen.

Hugs from Hope

 
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lauranz
(Login phoebegrace)

Hope I'm so sorry about the loss of your Mum last week...

March 8 2012, 2:53 AM 

my heart really goes out to you.
My deepest sympathies.
L

 
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minniet
(no login)

Thank you everyone

March 7 2012, 8:18 PM 

Your words really touch me, it really does help to share this, I know many of you have gone through it.

She is in pretty good shape right now, but is making choices about what she wants to do next. I have been with her many times when she was close to death during this fight, but she seems to be in a good place emotionally, and wants to spend quality time together.

I am proud of her.

She told me firmly, this would be "our time alone, together" so we did not even have to talk about her husband or my sister.

It's too bad my sister has done such bad things to my Mom, and then, on top of it, makes a big stink about not speaking to me for no reason. I could fake anything for my Mom, and it would make her so happy if we three could be together.

Thank you again girls.

 
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margolis
(Login margolis)

I think this was a good choice.

March 7 2012, 8:31 PM 

I didn't have a chance to weigh in on the other thread. But it sounds as if you and your mom are particularly close. I think you will be glad you went. Try your best to ignore those causing strife and tension and just focus on having some quality time with your mom. I am so very sorry that u are going through all of this.

 
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(Login Raindrops1)

Wishing you luck.

March 8 2012, 12:55 AM 

I'm really glad you made this choice. You won't regret it. Your mom really wants to see you and you will be happy you did it. Do your best to just ignore the others and try to stay focused on your mom. Wishing you luck!

 
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Hopeful in delaware
(Login hopefulindelaware)

(((minniet))) thinking of you. (n/t)

March 8 2012, 8:32 AM 


 
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Hopeful in delaware
(Login hopefulindelaware)

(((minniet))) thinking of you. (n/t)

March 8 2012, 8:33 AM 


 
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HopefulCely
(Login HopefulCely)

My thoughts are with you

March 8 2012, 9:06 AM 

happy.gif

 
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Renata
(Login doglvr)

Just saw your posts

March 8 2012, 9:41 AM 

I think you're making the right decision, and that this visit with your mom is important. It is very hard to have a sick and dying parent, but I have never regretted being there with my dad in those last weeks and days. Big hug sweetie.

 
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minniet
(Login minniet)

Update

March 11 2012, 2:38 PM 

Hi everyone:

I had a wonderful visit with my dear mother, and thankfully, everyone left us to be alone together. We snuggled, talked and held each other the whole time. I was even able to sleep in the hospital room with her.

It's a hard time for me now, and hard to talk about. Thank you for all your kind posts and encouragement.

 
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