it's only ONE door that's closed. Not most of them.

I don't know you, so it's very hard for me to try to guess different careers that might suit you. I do agree thqt teaching is NOT for everyone and one surefire way to end up unhappy is to go into a career you're not suited for just because of school holidays, etc. You aren't under a lot of time pressure, right? Look around and try to watch other people with different sorts of jobs.

What was it about police work that interested you? Are those qualities that other jobs have? What other interests do you have?

Can I please also give you a gentle reminder that it's considered polite to put headers in your post if you might be bringing up or mentioning a topic that others might find painful to read? (child mentioned) is enough. Most of the ladies on this board have not been blessed with a child yet and might not find it easy to read posts in which yours is mentioned. Other mentions that are appreciated are for death, miscarriage, abortion, divorce etc.

Wishing you luck in your search and that tomorrow is a day without tears.

I'm new to the board so thanks for that. I will definitely do that in future.

she couldn't get in the police force for some reason. she applied for a job answering emergency calls and got it, it was shift work and quite well paid, she was then promoted over and over and now is in charge of the whole call centre. at one stage she was a female counsellor going to see ladies who had been raped etc. she loves her job and it was relatively easy to get into and once you are in at any level you can progress from there. Hope you find something you love.

This is something I will definitely look into. It may not be exactly what I wanted but it's at least in the same vein. Hopefully the shift work won't be quite as difficult. Definitely something to think about.

It is not fair to the ladies who have not been blessed with a child, and have been struggling with infertility for years, and possibly spent a lot of money on it as well (with no success so far), to start complaining about your indecision on what to do with your career now that you have a child.

Sorry for the harsh words, but pls. take your post to the pink board, or somewhere else.
Or at least add (OE child mentioned) in the title of your post.

I agree that the poster ought to have included "child mentioned" (and perhaps "OT" as well) in the subject line, but she IS here because she is trying to have a second child. As far as I know, the yellow board is not restricted to those who are childless (or if so, maybe I should remove myself now?). If she wants to vent here about her job issues, those who don't wish to read it don't have to.

I'm very sorry for my harsh words and for offending anyone. I may have reacted too quickly; but that is how I felt after reading the post.
And now I cannot edit or delete my post either.

If we see we have spoken in haste, we can do more than simply repent at leisure. Definitely think twice before putting words out there that you can't take back, especially when posting as "anonymous" because it sheds a bad light on all posters who prefer to remain anonymous.

And an ugly way to say them, and while I completely agree this was a message more appropriate to the pink board, there is no excuse for being unkind about a sincere post. I am sorry for your IF struggle, Ms. Anonymous, but if your bitterness is going to prevent you from communicating civilly, maybe you need to find a different place for support. This is why I really dislike the anonymous posting feature of this board; there are enough ways for women to protect their anonymity while requiring a logon. As it is, we have spammers and trolls intermittently disrupting the board.

Maggie (in VA)

If I had read the original post entitled 'Tears...' while I was still struggling to conceive #1, maybe between failed donors 1 and 2 or failed donors 3 and 4 ... and feeling the years and money rushing by, I would have been irate to have found that my sympathetic feelings were for somone in a, compared to me,, luxury dilemma.

I assumed when I opened the post that it was someone who was struggling with difficulties with DE. Even now, after having a successful cycle, I was shocked when I read what the tears were about. I am not trying to make light of the original poster's concerns, but if we were still in the trenches and had opened that on a bad day, I'm sure any number of us could have responed as Anonymous did.

Suggesting that Anonymous leave is, in my opinion, far harsher than her response was.

We have always tried to protect the weakest on this board. That is the one who is coming here for comfort and looking for help in ttc through DE.

Please cut her some slack.

My ultimate success was preceded by 23 other cycles, including IUIs, and 8 early losses (9?). If I were still there, yes, this post would have been an absolute knife to my heart.

The Anonymous post was direct and to the point. That's my personality so I did not see it as rude, but I could see how that can seem too harsh, too.

I found the original post upsetting in the context of this board so I definitely agree with you and the anon poster (and was not going to speak out because I have been getting burned here lately).

I am aware that emily99 is new so I figured she did not really think it through before she posted a life question about raising a family that she already has.

But yes - that post was a difficult to take as I am having a really bad day.

And there was a time when I was that sensitized, too -- and I did think of that when I read Emily's post -- but seriously, can we all just be a little bit gentle with each other? At a minimum, it seemed likely to me that Emily had originally intended to post to the pink board. Maggie (in VA)

Both posters need our support. But I do agree that when a poster is talking about children they already have, then that discussion is better for the pink board.

I don't think either poster meant to hurt anyone and I hope that both posters continue to post.

Anon, I hope you can get a screen name and stick around and I am sorry that you are having a hard time right now. Believe me, many of us have been there and this has been a source of support for a long time.

It is good to refresh our "etiquette" every once in a while.

I see that emily has already removed her post--I hope that she can repost it on the pink board.

You always have a way of putting things in balance.

I didn't see Anonymous as bitter, just raw and sensitive, that's all. And I know Emily didn't mean any harm.

Hi,
Its hard going reading about people and their children on the yellow or the green boards. I sympathise with you as I spent many years (5) on both boards.
I wanted to write to you and say I know its really hard a lot of the time but keep going as your time will definitely come.
There are no non-verbals when reading posts. I think your words are apt in this context. best, THK

when one one door closes, he opens another. That other door has abundant opportunities. Now is the time to research and take a good look at all the other things you might be interested in. Since you do have lots of working years ahead of you, take the time to prepare for something you would really love and have a passion for. This is the time to dig deep and really find out about you. It is a wonderful opportunity.

I am sorry that things didn't work out the way you planned, but I am sure that there is even something better in the future for you. So dry you tears and get to work on researching other opportunities and lay the ground work (training/education) to do it.

Only with time and experience do we understand that there could be a wonderful opportunity ahead of us. Emily, I'm sorry for this disappointment...life doesn't seem fair at times. I hope you can look back on this moment and use it in the future to look at closed doors as gifts....at the very least they build our faith muscle and we know that no matter what we will survive.

Thank you Kacee for your eloquent words and your wisdom.

Blessings from Hope

Good for you that you found this out sooner rather than later!

Good for you that you have your priorities straight and realize that YOU want to raise your daughter and not outsource it!

Struggling with infertility does not make you (or any of us) a failure as a woman!

Put things in perspective, my dear. It sounds to me as if you are very blessed Husband, child, etc. Adopt an attitude of gratitude and you'll be amazed at the path that opens in front of you. It really will be OK

Jobs come and careers go - but true love (i.e., your family) is forever!

(HUGS!)

CL

Great great post!!

Being separated from my children so much without someone claiming I'm "outsourcing" my childrearing. I don't mean to be touchy, but can we just have a little sensitivity around how hard this is for those of us who can't be SAHMs? Thanks, Maggie (in VA)

I have to work too! The original poster was talking about never being able to spend any time with her children if she took the cop job. I was just giving her kudos for wanting to put her kids ahead of a job where she would NEVER be able to see them... as opposed to taking a job where you get to see your family after work and on weekends or whatever...

While I would love to be a SAHM, I have the utmost respect for mom's that work (and hopefully soon, I will be asking HOW you do it? It seems amazing to me

It is the only thing that keeps me remotely sane.

I hope (hope, hope!) I will have to get used to a house that isn't as clean as I'm used to, meals that aren't quite as thought out, and quite a bit LESS sleep - LOL!

I've never been a mom - but I hear it changes EVERYTHING

To change EVERYTHING? I have a personal blog that I keep for close friends and family and I've written a lot over the past year about our journey... A couple of nights ago, I wrote this about my little embryos:

"Every night, I place my hands over my abdomen and talk to them, pray for them, and think happy, peaceful thoughts for them. Not a second passes that I don't think of them, which, I suppose, is just the beginning of the rest of my life."

I'm so focused on them already that I can't even fathom what it will be like if (when) they're born. I will continue to work (being a SAHM is simply not an option), but I have no idea how I'll do it. Our priorities will obviously be changing.

I have posted and support the original poster about this issues, but I do think she would get more experienced feedback on the pink board.

I don't think she meant any harm, but pink is a place primarily about issues with children, and this is about the tough ttc journey.

I am in a hopeful place now, but I agree, the post would have made me quite sad even a few weeks agao, feeling like I am not in the position to dream of these things, just going on my year 9 of ttc.

No harsh words for anyone, and the gentle responses to consider the pink board are well done. But I do sort of relate to the feelings (if not the harsh words) of anonymous.

thanks for that clarification, minniet! I had not understood the guidelines for what each board covers.

Just using conjecture from how the links are labeled at the top of the home page, I had thought that the pink board was for ppl who were pregnant and therefore the posts would be focused on pregnancy related issues. I hadn't known it was for issues regarding children, too.

Thanks!

I don't think there are set rules, I just think that there are so many wise moms on the pink board it is probably a richer place for a response of this type.

I am open to all types of posts, and warnings do help.

I think everyone means well, and no one actually intends any harm to anyone. I have learned so much about being sensitive to others feelings going through this process! But learning usually does not come without a teensy bit of pain.

And agreed, although I hadn't responded yet, that it sounded as though it would be too much time away for Emily. Take care, Maggie (in VA)

peace

Emily, I can kind of relate to what you're going through. When my DH and I got married 3-1/2 years ago (me age 42, him age 51), we had already been ttc for a long time. I was unhappy with my career at the time and it made sense for me to quit my job and move to where he lived, rather than the other way around. I got pg on our honeymoon, but lost that one. Even though it was heartbreaking, we were hopeful that we would conceive again soon and have it work out. So I stopped thinking about my career. My plan was to be a new mommy and put my professional life on hold for a year or two. Great plan, except that new mommyhood didn't pan out for me, so I had the stress and heartbreak of IF, plus I had lost any sense of identity (no more career, new community with no friends or family, workaholic DH who was never home). It was terrible. (Still is hard, but I'm on better footing now on several fronts.) I have since started a new career, self-employed, and it's going slowly but fine. It has helped my grief, confusion, and depression so much to feel good at something and respected.

So I can relate to your feeling lost because your Plan A for the next chapter of your career has fallen through. So soon after Plan A for having a 2nd child fell through for you. When one aspect of our lives causes pain, it's natural to reach out for other "railings" to steady ourselves. And if those other railings are shaky themselves, it's very disorienting. You're just not feeling much control over your life right now, so I can see that it would be comforting to have your career all figured out. But what's that expression?: "The sound of God laughing is people making plans." It's so true. (at least in my case!)

I would suggest you treat this career plan loss just like you're treating the DE issue: give it time, keep exercising, do things that make you feel happy, have faith that this is just one door closing and that there will be other doors. you'll start to feel hopeful again soon.

One idea: have you ever worked with a coach? There are many kinds (life, career, leadership, etc.) but they all do basically the same thing: help you find your own answers to your challenges or clarity for your confusion. I happen to be leadership coach, but a lot of the issues my clients have are general career or life issues. I bet there are coaches near you. (I think I remember you're in New Zealand?) If you're ever interested, I can put a feeler out for you in the alumni community where I got certified. Perhaps there's someone in your neck of the woods. Most coaching happens over the phone, anyway, so it wouldn't even have to be really close to you. It might help you to feel more proactive about your future, instead of helpless and confused (totally projecting my own former emotions on to you!! Just a thought.

Anyway, hang in there, and take good care of yourself.