Thinking of ttc #2 and trying to ease my concerns....(child ment)May 31 2012 at 11:46 PM
|Anon for this (Login Starfish22)|
I'm not sure if this is the correct board, but I was really hoping to hear some (any) words of wisdom. It took us several years, IUIs, OE IVFs and DE IVF to get pregnant with our DS (DE #1 BFN, FET BFP). My pregnancy was challenging due to hyperemesis and I had a traumatic birth. I will admit to being a little afraid of doing this all over again. Even with my fears, there is a whisper I can't shake about wanting to cycle again. I really want my DS to have a sibling. Plus, our little family doesn't feel complete yet.
But I'm afraid. And I worry about my age. I keep doing math in my head. If by some miracle we get pregnant, I will be 50 when the child is five, 60 when the child is fifteen, 70 when the child is twenty-five--which doesn't sound too bad, it's the previous ones that shake me. Five and fifty, whew!
No one in my family is supportive of us trying for #2. They think it's too risky even though the doctors have cleared me. There was a huge wave of love and support when we were ttc #1 and that carried me during all of the lows. This time around the support isn't there and I think if we do move forward, I will keep it to myself. Plus, not being able to share any of this is interfering with my ability to come to a decision.
I would love to hear anybody's opinion about feeling older and their decisions to ttc #2 "against the grain."
You aren't alone (pregnancy mentioned)
|June 1 2012, 3:09 AM |
And you're not old compared to a lot of others here. I'm almost 47 and pregnant with number 2. I had all of the thoughts you wrote about, too, but, in our case, we live thousands of miles from any relatives and I wanted DD to have someone else when we're gone.
Mind you, I hope we're here to dance together at her 40th with her loving husband and kids. (That covers everything, doesn't it?)
Please do not think I'm insinuating that your post is in any way inappopriate. It's not. You titled it well and put headings to let people know what it was about, so no one would be caught unawares. But you might get more responses on the PG after DE board above because that's where the women who already have chldren usually post.
I would suggest (child ment)
|June 1 2012, 12:00 PM |
cycling again. Of course, I don't know the extent of your traumatic birth. I just celebrated my 50th birthday and my son is 4.5 years old (yeah, 5 and 50, it still kind of freaks me, but I know it's really just a number). You will never be younger than you are today, so if your age is the reason you are delaying your decision it will only get worse from here on out. If it were me, I wouldn't tell my family either... once you are pregnant again, how could they not be happy for you? Well, maybe they wouldn't be due to your prior traumatic birth, but if your MD gives you the ok to cycle again, that would be good enough for me. Are you in a position to consider using a gestational carrier to bring another child into your life, without risking your health? I desperately wanted my son to have a sibling, we had a failed FET when he was 2 years old... couldn't afford any more fresh cycles, I had to accept the fact that we were finished. There are many happy families where there is only one child, although I still ache for another (I don't think that feeling will ever go away) but it is no longer an option for us. My advice is to take advantage of the opportunity when the odds are most in your favor, best of luck to you.
|Maggie in VA|
Agree w/everything TSB said, and . . . (kids ment) ETA
|June 1 2012, 12:25 PM |
I was 48 when I had my twins, and trust me, the thought of being the only 58-yo mom at their Little League game is dispiriting, but as long as your health is good and you don't have a family history of heart problems, diabetes, etc., there's probably little to fear in terms physical risk. I'm turning fifty-one next week with 2 yo's! There are some age-specific pregnancy risks, but for the most part, maternal health trumps age.
My experience is that people overestimate the risk inherent in age for a healthy woman. I have a 30-something friend who was obese, and while she tried to lose weight before getting pregnant, she was still heavy and she developed pre-eclampsia and delivered her daughter at, hmmmm, I think it was 28 weeks. At 48, I carried twins with no bed rest, working till 35 weeks when my doctor told me to stop, and ended up delivering at just shy of 38 weeks by c-section when my BP spiked (and, trust me, you need only peruse the "getting to know you" thread on my moms of multiples list to know that happens to plenty of younger women) w/no NICU time for the kids. When I e-mailed a young co-worker to see how his family was after he had his first son, he was trying to juggle taking care of a newborn and working from home because his wife, probably a 20-something, was in the hospital w/postpartum high BP (she's African American, so perhaps at higher risk).
In terms of support, don't put your childbearing up for referendum. Seriously. Just do what you're going to do. If you were still fertile, you wouldn't think about this; you'd just stop your pills or leave the diaphragm in the drawer, open a bottle of wine, and go party. Get your support here or at a local IF support group. From where I stand, it's more important for your child to have a sibling than for you not to feel awkward about your age, KWIM?
Take care and GL!
Maggie (in VA)
ETA: Sorry, didn't acknowledge the hyperemesis. Your doctors will probably handle that better the second time around.
|This message has been edited by maggie1961 on Jun 1, 2012 12:26 PM|
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