So I recently underwent a FET that resulted in a chemical pg. We are entertaining foster adoption but I still can not let go of my goal of having another baby.
Here is where I need you ladies to help me decide which program at Shady Grove to entertain.
1) Shared Donor egg cycle w/ a 2 to 1 split for up to 6 fresh cycles and a money back guarantee after 6 failed fresh cycles for 37K
2) Shared Donor egg cycle w/ a 3 to 1 split for up to 6 fresh cycles and a 100% money back guarantee after 6 failed fresh cycles for 29K.
I was leaning towards the 2 to 1 split cycle as I thought it would be easier to do everything w/ the donor and only 2 recipients vs 3 recipients and all the coordination. I also thought it would be a quicker process than the 3 to 1 split.
However, a very trusted board member suggested the 3 to 1 split as their stats are 85% success after 3 cycles for either option. She also recommended the 3 to 1 split as we would have less frosties and less time to continue w/ a poor donor if that is the case. I would hate to have 5 or more FET to have to go through and fail before going onto another donor.
Anyways, I would love to hear all of ya'lls opinions and rational. FYI, I plan on eSET for either option as we love twins but in other people's families and I don't think my body likes twins due to my hx of losing them.
If it were me, given how long the road has been anyway, I would do what I could to go for the 2:1 option. Really for the reasons you stated: 1) wouldn't take as long to recruit to 2 recipients vs 3 for the same donor and 2) even though their cumulative success rate for 3 cycles is the same, I would imagine the success rate for cycle 1 or cycle 2 is higher for the 2:1 vs the 3:1 option, and I am all for getting off this horrible ride ASAP!!
good luck, FB! You so deserve to get the prize already!!!
p.s. I'm also pursuing fostering/foster-adopt so good luck with that too!
I did the 3:1 split cycle at SG (after doing 2 single recipient cycles at another clinic) and would completely recommend that option. I did 1 fresh cycle and 1 FET at SG and ended up with my little girl who is sleeping away upstairs right now. I ended up having to select 2 donors even though I only did 1 cycle because my first donor decided not to proceed right at the start of the cycle. If you are concerned about the time to recruit 3 vs. 2 recipients, I would not let that be a determining factor. For both my donors, the recipients were complete within 24 hours of the donors appearing in the pools. To me the bigger issue is that some of the time the tertiary recipient gets bumped because there are not enough eggs but I think the cost differential makes up for that.
I can't say enough about SG. I am a lucky one in that I got pregnant on an FET in 2010 -- not a year with stellar FET numbers for SG. I think their 2011 FETs are much better. Good luck with your decision.
Hey Julie! I had sent you an e-mail maybe a couple of month's ago in response to your last one. It was several days after yours, so I don't know if you even kew I sent it. Just wanted to let you know .
I have something else I want to pass by you, so when I get a minute - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! - I'll e-mail you again.
the coordinator or whoever you talk to about how often recipients in 1:3 end up with only a 1:2 and the third "recipient" is the clinc itself getting any eggs (as frosties I think) that are left over. I know that at least as of a few months ago they were doing this, as SG was one of the clinics I considered and I was specifically told this when I called to inquire.
If they do this sort of thing often the 1:3 may be worth it as the price is better yet technically there are only 2 patient recipients, so you wouldn't have to wait forever for a third. I think once they get two 1:3 recipients lined up there is an amount of time they'll wait for the third (a month?), and then they move forward with SG as the third recipient.
Best of luck, FB. You have been through so much, and I am hoping you have success very soon.
I did the 3:1 option at SG and could not be happier! (preg,children, success ment)
August 30 2012, 10:23 PM
Others might feel differently, but I feel the 3:1 option is the best. I feel that they are really careful not to overstimulated the ED so I don't think most cycles have a huge retrieval. Someone who did the 2:1 program could speak on this better, but I am not convinced that just because there are 2 recipients instead of 3 that a retrieval would produce a lot more eggs to divvy up. It just doesn't make good financial sense for the clinic.
Here's what I can say about our experience:
We did 2 cycles at SG. The complete match needed to go forward were made quickly on each cycle. On the 1st cycle, I was the 3rd to get on board, and I was afraid I would lose her because I had seen other EDs be taken off the board so quickly (after a match was made). I think the match was made in 2 or 3 days.
That cycle I was the 3rd recipient in the split (I think position is important especially since you could get dropped after retrieval if there aren't enough eggs to go around). We got 5 eggs, 4 fertilized and by day 3 only 2 looked like anything worth transferring (they were pretty poor quality embryos).
So at the dr's suggestion (not a vote of confidence, to say the least) we transferred 2. We got a BFN on that cycle.
No frosties were left, so on to a new ED. On the 2nd cycle, I was the 1st person, to commit, and I had my eye on this young lady for a few days, but was concerned about her age (she was 31), and the fact that she was not proven by cycling standards (she is the mother of 2 children, one of them being 2 at the time). In the end, after great advice from my board buds, I selected her, and by the day's end the match was complete.
I had the number 1 spot in the split this time. At retrieval, there were 10 eggs harvested. We got 5, recipient #2 got 5 and recipient #3 was canceled. 4 fertilized again, I felt like, "Oh no! Here we go again!" but this time 2 looked outstanding.
We transferred 1 on day 5 (the dr urged against 2 because she said, and I quote, "There is definitely a baby in 1 if not both of those blastocysts."). She was right...our little miracle is sleeping on my lap as I type with 1 hand). The other blast was frozen on day 6 and my dh and I are trying to figure out when we'll try again)
I can't tell you how grateful I am to SG for helping us find our daughter. I never knew that my heart was so desperately searching for her until I looked into her eyes and held her for the 1st time.
Also we were out of state recipients, but we trusted the opinions of the ladies on this board so much that we left the local clinic where we had started a 1:1 cycle, only for the ED to pull out.
Hold ontoyour dream, future beauty! I know that it will happen for you. And with SG's shared risk program, you know it's in the clinic's best financial interest to help you get pregnant quickly. Also know that they don't accept everyone into the program, so when the do they feel it's a pretty sure bet that they can help you get pregnant.
I did a 1:3 with Shady Grove....I was the third recipient and I only had 2 poor quality embryos to transfer (grade C). As they transferred them I was told "they'd never seen anyone get pg with these quality embryos"...gee thanks.
BFN but I always got BFNs so no surprise there.
What bothered me and what made me pull out and get a full refund (and it was truly a full refund...every penny!)
I had chosen my firt donor on the day we came for our evaluation....but for cycle #2 the pickings were very slim. For 1:3 they had very few donors and my criteria was very not-picky..I wanted someone with blue or green eyes who had a baby of her own already. That was it.
But one donor had a terrible family history of MS (DH's sister and cousin have MS)..I told the nurse coordinator I didn't want her b/c we have family history of MS and she told me it's not genetic (no one knows the cause so far and no one can tell you it's not familial)...except apparently this nurse coordinator who knows more than the top specialists in MS. apparently.
the second donor I turned down had a family history of fatal heart attack before age 50 in her father. We have bad family history of heart disease so I said no to her. And the coordinator got really annoyed with me.told me I'd have to come to Shady Grove from 2 hours away to meet in person b/c "maybe they can't find a donor for me." geez. so I pulled out and got my money back.
The quality of the donors doesn't seem that great...mostly suburban housewives with not much education...but it's a clinic in the 'burbs so it's not going to get a huge urban population to fill their numbers.
just my .02.
We did the 3:1 program. They have separate donor pools for 3:1 and 2:1 program and I was told only donors with the best track records are put in the 3:1 pool. Also for the 3:1 program they have a thirty day countdown once the second recipient it on board. If after thirty days a third recipient is not on board they cycle with two and the egg bank becomes the tertiary recipient. We had our initial visit with SG the end of Nov 2011, completed mock cycle to qualify the end of December and transfer was in March 2012. This was much quicker than my 1:1 cycle with agency donor at my home clinic. They are great with the out of town coordination. GL to you!
a mock transfer that was scheduled during my recipient day visit and a mock cycle to make sure your uterine lining responds to the delestrogen injections that is part of the protocol. Will you be an out of town cycler? They are very good about the out of town coordination. During the initial consult (phone consult for out of town patients) the RE will let you not what, if any additional diagnostics/testing is required. I needed an updated HSG. They were willing to schedule during my recipient day visit but I asked my regular GYN to do it and brought the disc with me to SG. That worked out well because my insurance paid for it but would not pay SG to do it because it was out of network. Ditto for required bloodwork, etc. They were not pushy at all about trying to "sell" extra services to make additional money. Also they waived the required counseling session for DE when I submitted notes from psychologist at my home clinic.
Yes, you are correct I am due Dec 15. It gets a little more real every day but after four years on the crazy roller coaster, I won't really believe until our baby is in my arms.
Also, if you are looking for more personal insight from other SG DE patients, google fertility forum IVF, select the donor issues category. There are two forums there one is SG anyone? (women currently cycling) and SG graduates (women currently pregnant or who have already given birth). I was very lucky and had success on my first try at SG, but not everyone is so lucky. One thing that I have noticed is that when people do not have success, they are usually able to cycle again fairly quickly (unlike my experience with my home clinic in Boston where there were months of delays between each cycle/transfer.
The other thing is that when determining primary, secondary, and tertiary placement they consider your history. I was the primary recipient in my cycle because of my history of prior failures. I would have been bumped to secondary if there had been a recipient in my group with a failure at SG, so chances are pretty good if you did not have success on first try you would be primary for second try. GL to you!
I'm with SG now and can relate to your questions or concerns. So far I've had one cancelled cycle (when the donor didn't produce enough eggs), one BFN on my fresh transfer, and I'm currently in the tww of my first FET.
We went with the 3:1 program, entirely for financial reasons. We're just not in a position to pay more for the other programs. Our first donor back in April only produced 7 eggs, so only recipient #1 got any. As for the timing, both times so far, the matches were completed more quickly than I'd expected. What took longer than expected each time was actually getting started on the cycle: waiting for 4 people (donor + 3 recipients) to start a new cycle and get on BCPs took almost a month both times and felt excruciating. However, I have no complaints about 3:1; these inconveniences are what we signed up for when we chose the cheapest option.
I do find their donor selection really lacking. They make a big deal about how competitive it is, and how few applicants get accepted, and I honestly do not understand this. Most of the ones who make it in have conditions that I find serious, like severe asthma, hashimotos, mental health issues. That first donor who didn't produce enough eggs, her father had left when she was a baby, so she had no information about half of her family history. It's one thing to know these things are in your own family when using OE, but seeing as I need to use someone else's eggs, why would I want to choose a donor with medical problems? It's possible SG is just more thorough and honest than other places, who knows? But given how they tout their strict standards, I find their selection confusing and underwhelming.
I haven't shared this with anyone, not even my DH: the night before that first cancelled cycle, I became filled with dread and regret at my choice of donor. When we chose her, she was one of the the only ones who didn't have some medical issue, and I was so eager to get started. But then all at once the fact that we knew nothing about half of her medical history became terrifying, and I felt I'd made a big mistake. I remember standing in my bathroom imagining all the horrible things that could make my baby suffer because I had been too rushed and careless to choose a good donor. The next day, when the cycle was cancelled, I was disappointed at the delay, but relieved, too.
When choosing my next donor, I found the same situation, small number of donors, and most of them had one medical condition or another. I e-mailed their donor coordinator and expressed my disapointment with the selection. There simply wasn't anyone I felt even the slightest enthusiasm about. She let me know about a donor who had just been added back in after a recipient had pulled out. I looked at her, she was great, and I called my DH at work and made him drop what he was doing to look at her, and we snatched her up immediately. I was happy to find her and about the timing, but it feels kind of random. what if I hadn't emailed? she might have come and gone without me seeing her. Still remains to be seen whether her eggs will give me a baby, though. (As I'm thinking about it now, I would recommend that anyone with SG communicate with the donor coordinators about what you're looking for and your reactions to the options you're seeing, rather than just only doing it online with no dialogue with SG, which is what I initially did.)
Your point about having frosties and not being able to move on to a new donor is interesting. After this current FET we still have 2 frosties, and we do eSETs. We got 5 eggs, 4 fertilized and made it to 5-day blasts. We transferred 1 and all three other ones made it to frozen. The first one thawed well, so we didn't touch the others. I certainly don't relish the thought of starting the whole process again with a new donor, but I have thought to wonder whether this donor just isn't THE ONE for us. I'm in the 3:1, though, so what you're hoping to avoid could happen in any of the programs.
good luck with your decision, and in getting your baby with a little wait and hassle as possible!
This message has been edited by hopefulindelaware on Aug 31, 2012 11:40 AM
My beta is Tuesday. Was supposed to be Monday, but they're closed for the holiday. I don't know if I'll POAS or not. I kind of have a primal fear of POASing. I've gotten so many BFNs over the past 5-1/2 years, I have a hard time imagining I could ever get a BFP. Every time I've gotten a BFN, I have this deep reaction of "right, of course, that's how the world works, me not being pregnant." I'm better at picturing giving birth and having a child, but the test itself is this big block I can't get past. Irrational, I know, but... And besides, I've enjoyed staying in this "might be pregnant" space. I can pretend I'm pregnant and sometimes even believe that I am, which I think is good for me psychologically, given that strong negative belief mentioned above. So one way or another I'll find out in the next fews days. Fingers crossed! Thanks for your good thoughts!
We are also not in a position to spend alot of money either as we have already spent over 50K over the past 3 1/2 yr and I am still paying back some loans. If we proceed then I believe that we will choose the 3 to 1 program from all the input here on the boards and drain our 401k.
I am just so tired of waiting as when January rolls around it will be 4 yrs. I tend to think, wow I could have gotten another college degree in that time or PhD or became a doctor.
Someone else chimed in about their unhappiness w/ the donor pool so I hope that I will find a good one as they pop up this fall.
I so hope that this is your lucky cycle and that you get your BFP!!! Please keep us posted.
Yeah, good plan going with the 3:1. I definitely think you can find a donor right for you at SG. It just may mean waiting for the right donor to turn up, which is at odds with our torment at waiting longer. And be really proactive with the donor coordinators about what you're looking for.
I hear you, all the wasted time and money torments me sometimes. I have made point not to have all our TTC expense all in one place, b/c I don't think I could handle knowing how much we've spent so far. For me, the time is harder, as I think of all the opportunities I didn't pursue because I thought I was going to be pregnant soon. Like you, I think of things I could have completed by now if I had stopped putting things off because of TTC. [insert emoticon throwing up one's hand and rolling eyes.]
Let us know what you decide. And thanks for you good wishes!
The stats are similiar and you might just end up with a 2:1 anyway. As of a few months ago, their policy was that if the couldn't find 3 recipients within a certain timeframe (a month, I think), you would end up in a 2:1 program for the same price. If you haven't already found an RE, I would highly recommend Jeanne O'Brien. She works out of Rockville and Frederick. She's exceptionally caring and compassionate.