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No miracle... Just another m/c

January 28 2014 at 3:34 PM
Mrs. McIrish  (Login Mrs.McIrish)

 
I went in this morning for a beta draw because I "knew" it wasn't right. My intuition was correct as the beta only rose to 155. No miracle. DH and I really drew the short straw with all things infertility-related. The doctor will see who else used the eggs(there was an ET today with them) and won't make me use the frosties if no one else has an on-going pg. Otherwise I have to transfer them before selecting a new donor. I don't have the stomach to do this anymore but I can't get out of the program w/out a huge financial hit that we can't afford to just let them keep. I just caved and told my mom. I truly hate all of this. It's sheer misery...

 
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AC in Boston
(no login)

I'm so sorry

January 28 2014, 4:02 PM 

I'm sorry... I wish I could have a good cry with you and GIANT glass of wine. Eff it, a whole bottle. I was so hopeful for you and I know how long you've been on this journey. I'm so sad for you. Take good care.

 
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Stacey
(no login)

I am so sorry....it's too much i know.

January 28 2014, 4:18 PM 

I am so sorry Mrs McIrish! I wish it would have worked. I hope RBA can help you figure out what is going on. I know this is exhausting. Infertility is so cruel!
Please try again. You will be a great mom!

 
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Renata
(Login reyndog)

Damn...

January 28 2014, 4:19 PM 

I am so sorry. This is just so unfair. Sheer misery is right. I so hope that there is a miracle around the next corner, but I totally get that that doesn't seem at all possible right now. HUGE HUGS.

 
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Maggie in VA
(Login maggie1961)

{{{Hugs}}} to you, Mrs. M. . . .

January 28 2014, 4:46 PM 

Wishing you better in the future! Maggie (in VA)

 
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Piper
(no login)

I'm so sorry...

January 28 2014, 4:54 PM 

And so sad for the two of you. I am saddened for your loss this time and sad for the losses you have faced through the years.

Please know that I am thinking of you.

 
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Erin
(no login)

I'm so incredibly sorry.

January 28 2014, 5:57 PM 

You've just been through so much, and I know it took all you had to get back on the horse after trying to live CFNBC. As PP said, I think you will make a great mom, and you got the guarantee for a reason... But also as a PP said, I can understand why it feels un fathomable that this will ever work out. Sending hugs and wishing there were words that would help right now.

 
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Sophie
(Login sophie6)

so sad to hear this

January 28 2014, 7:05 PM 

You have every reason to hate all of this. The process is punishing and to get this close several times only to be disappointed...it just shouldn't happen to anyone. I have had many losses. They don't get easier. I'm just very very sorry. It shouldn't be this hard.

I don't know your whole history, whether you have already seen a RI or had immune testing with someone, etc... You may be feeling overwhelmed right now, but having gotten this far, you must be resilient and resourceful. Let yourself mourn a little before you feel compelled to do anything. You will come up with a plan when you are ready. You have lots of support here.

Take good care of yourself,
Sophie

 
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BlessedThistle
(Login Blessed_Thistle)

Foo

January 28 2014, 8:18 PM 

I wish we were all part of the same community and could really, really be able to support you instead of just from afar. Take your time to regroup and grieve...keep on moving forward though when it is time to. I am so sorry.

 
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Mrs. M
(no login)

So sad to see this news

January 28 2014, 8:35 PM 

You have been through so much. I was hoping this was going to be the cycle for you. I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

 
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DeeinNYC
(no login)

Beyond sorry

January 28 2014, 8:42 PM 

I'm just so very sorry. None of it is fair. It really isn't. Know that you and your husband are in my thoughts. So very sorry.

 
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futurebeauty
(no login)

Oh my, Sorry Mrs McIrish

January 28 2014, 8:59 PM 

I just came here and read your news. I am so floored as I so so wanted you to be wrong and that this was a healthy baby. I feel so so horrible for you and your DH today. I did not want to give up hope for you until I had too.

So so sorry Mrs McIrish. Give yourself all the time that you need and please lean on all of us on this board and on your blog. Speaking of you blog, I have not yet logged on but will go there next and I feel guilty about my post last night after this news.

Again, I am so so sorry that this cycle did not turn out well for you.

FB

 
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Lovethebeach
(no login)

Very sorry

January 28 2014, 9:27 PM 

I am so sorry. I was really hoping things would work out for you. Just went through something recently myself so I totally "get" it. Wishing you best of luck in the future and huge hugs for the time being.

 
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LateStarter
(Login LateStarter394)

Oh no ....

January 28 2014, 11:47 PM 


Oh honey I'm so sorry. This is so unfair!

Why does it have to be so damn hard??

Hugs to you.

LS

 
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keifel
(Login keifel)

just not fair

January 29 2014, 12:06 AM 

I'm so sorry. (((hugs))) I was truly hoping for you.

 
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anonymous
(no login)

So very sorry

January 29 2014, 7:28 AM 

I am so very sorry and sad to hear this. This road has not been easy for you and you have EVERY right to be mad, angry - scream cry - I hope that you can find the strength to go on - as I do believe it will eventually work for you - but the journey sure SUCKS.

Be kind to yourself

 
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Antonialisa
(Login Antonialisa)

So very sorry

January 29 2014, 8:29 AM 

I can only imagine your grief and sorrow. It is just awful for you to have to go through this again. It is totally unfair. I am just so sorry.

 
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Dixiechic
(Login dnj01)

(((So sorry Mrs. McIrish)))

January 29 2014, 9:16 AM 

I am screaming for you. You have been through so much and I was really rooting for you that this would be the cycle. I know that there are probably issues with the donor eggs, but I was just wondering, have you gotten the thrombophilia blood panel done (recurrent m/c panel). I am sure you have, just checking. Take care

 
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Mrs. McIrish
(no login)

Recurrent m/c

January 29 2014, 9:47 AM 

I just asked for the orders to run this when beta is zero. I had a few things run last fall but OB didn't run full panel even though I asked for it.

 
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Renata
(Login reyndog)

Oh yes! They have to do this!

January 29 2014, 12:42 PM 

I wouldn't even consider cycling again until all stones are unturned. Good for you. Keep us posted!

 
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