After finally remembering my login which I should have stored in the Treasure Box of My Heart (which I put in the Cluttered Bag! of My Mind) I bring you, ladies and gentlemen a quick diatribe on Bards.

And great new style in art! I've never enjoyed looking at Adventurers! so much before. Oh that wacky Khirma!

Here we go now! Kick punch block!

Or at least the 5 minutes they will rule the world. You see given that Bards are even weaker overall than Dancers (Dancing Knife and Ribbons anyone?) they still hold their chance at WORLD DOMINATION BABY!

Ignoring the excessively hatted Edward/Gilbert for a moment let's delve into a warm, comfy place where Bards actually have a greater variety of skills.

Bards are freer in their job class in FF V when not just males could become them. Possibly a tip of the big floppy feather'd hat to the more contemoprary chivalric times when Troubadors were men, women, and downright "poupulare!". Also Bards are usually the result of a fourth level Mediator and Summoner (!!!) or getting real buddy-buddy with shards of the Fire Crystal. This, due to my actual adhereance to logic gives me a headache. Why would you turn a Summoner into a Ba- um. Never mind. They might have been inspired by a wandering Hippy. Or a Hippygriff.

Back to the point for which I have horribly strayed. Bards can fly (!!! again), usually have some song that's good against the undead, and are Faith Up sister; Faith Up. So after seeding the clouds with some kind of zombie-making powder they would SWOOP down upon their foes singing horribly! Or at least I think that's what it suggests in my copy of "Daravon's World Domination for 'Unpoupulare' Classes". Oh that wacky Daravon. What will he write next? Ha ha ha.

Now, to how long they'd stay in power. I predict 5 minutes after the initial confusion settles down. Then they'd get beaten up by a pack of wandering Trainers. Ouchu. Or maybe a Geomancer. The possiblities are endless.

However in the end when all the smoke clears due to the constant battle that would ensue one lone figure would stand.

THE RED MAGE! Uve he hee ha hee haaa!

The most Skill Point expensive class in the world!!! Um... So anyone wanna hear me play anything on the lute? I can kind of play Terra's Theme on the recorder too! Anyone? Helloooooo..?

Greatest Aeon of all time? Well isn't he ringing his own bell?! He just
made a clock out of the Triforce! ~ Guess.

But Bards WILL rule longer than 5 minutes.

You know why?

BECAUSE I, AS THE INCARNATION OF THE BARDIC SPIRIT (thus protector and grand high queen/goddess of them all) WILL BE PROTECTING THEM!!

End of story-- you heroes with your big Giganto swords (TM) don't have much time left. And as for mages-- PLEASE! Just sing a song of Silence baby!!

--Darylohki, who thinks Edward was cute, and as for Gilbert-- ADORABLE! The first centaur bard!! I think . . .

Just kidding, it was a horrible try! I only said nice at first to lure you into the message! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Anyways, song of silence works maybe 1 out of 923480148 times. Even if you were to succeed, the mage could still slaughter you with one hit from his staff (unless you hide, but it's hard to rule the world while hidden).

Joe!

Frankly I'm just here to wait until all the cutscenes are done so I can unleash my army of mediocrity. For I am...

The Patron Saint of Red Mages!!!

Yes, due to a horrible experiment gone wr-

Sorry, no wrong script. Due to the fact that I'm nutso over Red Mages and extremely mediocre I've dubbed (dub dub! Dadda dada? Gak.) myself Patron Saint of Red Mages. After all, they were some of the first healer/fighters to ever come out. And we all love balanced characters right? Well despite most Red Mages smack headlong into a glass wall for power halfway through their potential max level.

So I'm just waiting here, being lazy until the smoke clears. And try to get me started on Fire Emblem dancers. They're the most useful characters in the game! And did anyone else have the gall to ask Pokiehl to buy a lamp in Legend of Mana? I did! *strangely proud*

"I love it when a plan comes together."

Yes, your balanced class will do well, but they would fall against the second coming of the Red Mage, the Monk!

Yes, combining healing and attacking skills that don't start sucking halfway through the game the monks shall rise in the confusion and using their freaking high physical attack beat down all the pretenders that are bards and mages.

Afterall, if you're gonna take over the world, you've gotta have a high def stat.

Excal
"Burning anger rising... Wave Fist!"

Funny dat. Awsum techs, combied with big att. big def. big spe. big agil. high hp and the best named weapons in the game Ie.: Regnorock.

Gee? I wonder why they are so popular?

Like, I mean, look at (possibly) the only example (nevermind just remembered there was some chap in Grandia and a weapons merchant in Crono Cross) in console rpgs, Taloon of DWIV.

What other character class would have the audacity/stupidity to assail ichor-oozing creatures from Cleveland (not that I've anything against Cleveland very nice place I'm sure now just put down that shotgun and walk away thank you) by being a cheating little twit (silence to all you with the Setzering!)? I mean, the guy wiggles his pointer finger in a circle to hypnotise enemies, covers their mouths/orifices with a hand to stop spell-casting, and can successfully trip slimes with a leg sweep. MERCHANTS RO--*dies of sarcasm overdose and flood of merchant examples, blimey I just remembered the "Coin" attack; wouldn't a "National Debt" attack be more puissant?)*

For me, my favorite character is always the rouge/thief/sneaky-guys/etc... They are the best! Like lock in ff3/7. They are the real heroes, not those phony hero people.

I'm also sick of A)being forced to use the hero 90% of the time in recent games (pretty much all recent RPGs do this) and B)the hero being grossly overpowered because you have no choice but to use him!

Look at Chrono Cross and FF8… both Serge and Squall were horribly powerful in places they shouldn't be, like magic (I think Serge has the second or third best magic stat out of all my characters, and Squall was at least as high as Quistis, if not Rinoa without any junctions). If the main character is going to be the warrior (or the semi-balanced warrior as they often are), he should have decent attack, HP, and defense, moderate agility, and not so great magic or MP.

Anyways… thieves (that's treasure hunter!) are the best!

Joe!

The Ninja! The Ninja Is The Best Class, Period.

COME ON PEOPLE!!

When was the last time you ever saw a Ninja/Thief/RedMage/Monk be defined as spoony? ^_^

--Darylohki, who will take 1 spoony bard over the ENTIRE CAST of Final Fantasy 7, thank you very much. 'Cept maybe Vincent, but he's optional. ^_^

Cloud: BIG ASS SWORD
Tifa: TWO WORDS "FAN SIRVIS"
Vinsent: Vampier gun slinger
need I say more?

Cloud: Big Kitchen Knife Rated 1st in Combat 2nd in Magic

Cid: Funny old man that i use because he's a pyromaniac

Vincent: My Gunslinger that literally does 9999 damage everytime i use Death Penalty and he has only 1 life

Edge the ninja from FFII US (FFV I believe Japan) ultimate super-projectile of the apocalypse was the almighty SPOON! Erego, by association, we have, tentatively, a spoony ninja.

I think Capcom and Miyamoto should get together and....nah...ablthough it would be a good gag to have one of the song sequences be the same as the one for a hadouken or something.

I could understand if you were misspelling big words (I do that myself sometimes) but common ones? C'mon, how long does it take to figure out how to spell Vincent and vampire?

Now, for my rebuttal--

Cloud: Moronic, screwed up swordsman with his head in the clouds *bad pun intended*.

Tifa: Tomb Raider Ripoff (on a further note, what use would Fan Service like hers be to a female gamer like myself? I much prefer that shot of Vincent's butt . . . ^_^)

Vincent: Ok, bishonen over the top-- but Deathmasker? YUCK! He wasn't so much a vampire as a shapeshifter-- and a crappy one at that. Only Galien Beast and Chaos were worth the limit.

Now, on to the rest of the cast I hated:

Barret: Can we say STEREOTYPICAL and disgusting? The man's only redeeming virtue was that he put up with that horrible, rude little brat Marlene.

Aeris: Ugh, don't get me started? Her saccarine-sweetness got on my nerves, combined with her snooty attitude. I was actually clapping when she finally bought it!

Cid: YUCK! Not only did he swear constantly (and not in a cute way like Tasuki from Fushigi Yuugi), he was ugly, a smoker (and not in a cool way like Spike from Cowboy Bebop or Jigen from Lupin III), and a masogynistic bastard. I pity Shera-- her own guilt trapped her with that overwhelming jerk! Drink my damn tea? I'll show you what you can do with that tea you mother-spooning knife-hole!

Cait Sith: HELLO? Traitor, much? and you can't get rid of him. Useless fighter, without even a cool betrayal like Kain from FF4.

Yuffie: Cleptomaniac little bitch that I wanted to kill every time I saw her on the screen.

Ugh, That game was abyssmal in terms of character. 2 characters I liked-- TWO!! At least I liked 4 in Final Fantasy 8. What happened to the 14 that I adored from Final Fantasy 6?

Face it man-- Final Fantasy 7, character wise, SUCKED.

--Darylohki,

He was good. Anyone read that interesting article over on rpgworld regarding Jehova?

nuf' said

Then most things supported by the majority aren't all that great.

Sadly, I completely agree with Daryl on her previous post (Bards still suck, though!).

Joe!

only thing i liked about Aeris is that she had killer lvl 4 limit Great Gospel kicks!! i just need that kind of invunerability to get at least a few KOTRs off and the other 2 guys with lvl 4 limits. too bad they kicked her off early; she could have been useful at emerald weapon and ruby weapon.

Oh, and Bards do not suck, but I won't go into that. ^_^

--Darylohki, who says you can kiss my butt!

n/t

While she's right about your spelling (If you're going to type in english, type in english correctly) I can't really say I disliked FF7.

Does this count as one full person agreeing with her, or does it just kinda cancel out?