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New Stock Market Terms

March 23 2009 at 12:36 PM
Mawahka  (Login mawsword)
New Stock Market Terms

 CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer 
      CFO -  Corporate Fraud Officer
       BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.  BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
       VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
      P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
       BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
      STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
      STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
      STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
       MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
       CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
      YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
       WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
      INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.      PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.
       If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.  If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.  If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers  one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.  But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
       Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.     It's called the   401-Keg.


 
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cjgrill
(Login cjgrill)

Re: New Stock Market Terms

March 23 2009, 1:01 PM 

I think more and more people are looking into 401-kegs. wink.gif

My SIL is the latest in our family whose job is affected by this economy. She works in the auto parts business & has had to take a 10% cut in wages. She will find out in May if the 10% cut will continue.


 
 
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