You're gone now. As the tears run down my face I still can't believe that I won't get another IM from you, another email about how your life is going, what you are doing, how sexy you think Robert Beltran is. I knew that you were sad, depressed, wanting out of this life. And I apologize to you, me knowing this, keeping your secret. I thought I had talked you out of it, this wanting to leave. Many times we had talked about the life of our souls... both of us believing that the soul makes many trips to this world before finally leaving to embark on a journey to the afterlife. I knew that you wanted this trip to end, that you wanted to start over -- that you didn't think you were learning anything this time around. I'm sorry I shared your secret and didn't tell anyone, because now you are gone, and there will be no more secrets to share.
How many times I wrote to you, messaged you.. talked about my life. And each and every time, no matter what, you were there. You always answered my letters, my IM's, even though I'm sure there were times when you would rather have not. You were always patient and kind. You took the time to explain things to me, and helped me on my journey. I learned so much from you. I only wish I could have been there for you the way you were there for me. I even asked you to come out here and start over, but you didn't think it was right for you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you're gone. The world will miss you. I miss you. ='-(
I remember in talking with you, we shared so many things. And I remember sharing one thing in particular. A friendship, one perhaps we shouldn't have had but one that we each started with the same person in a different way. When we found out that the other was friends with this person, internet friends, we shared thoughts and feelings and discussions. I promise you, my last promise to you, that I will do my best to let him know you are gone. I know you spent more late nights talking with him than I did. Finding a way to let him know won't be easy. He's always been a hermit and always will be. And if he reads this he'll know. I think he's hiding in Italy again now anyway. I've changed sn's again so he might not know it's me but I promise to do my best. I know he'll never forget the squirrel lady - or you my dear sweet Trilly. I pledge to you that I'll do my best to let him know. I know he cares. So many people care about you.
Oh Trilly if you only knew how many people love you.. you'd never have gone. And I, for one, did not miss your irony in taking your life on the last day of the month of March.
Even in your last moment you found humour. Don't think we missed it. But it's time for sleep now; rest my dear. What's done is done and cannot be undone. Prepare yourself to begin again. Your spring will come soon. Everytime I see a new baby I'll wonder if it's you.. starting over as was your deepest wish. I'll never forget you my Dear Sweet Trilly.