Dear Trilly,
Today, I came home after an already bad day, checked my mail, and found out that you had killed yourself. I am in shock. I can't believe you are gone, and I can't say goodbye. You didn't post to soc.bi regularly anymore, and you were never online. I missed you a lot. I should have emailed you or something, but I guessed you were just busy.
You know how much you meant to me, right? You were the first not-straight person I ever spoke to. You helped me come out to my parents and you showed me soc.bi. You helped me out with accepting such a fundamental part of who I am, and you helped me through the summer I "dated" Steph, and the bad stuff that happened last year at school with the evil boys. I could tell you anything at all. I wish I had told you more. I wish it went both ways, and I could have helped you.
I remember now, once you sent me a voicemail. I can barely remember what you said or your voice. I wish I had wavs of you. I'm glad I save all my mail. I have that of you, and I have 41 pages of saved IM conversation. I have bookmarked the page on deja where all your posts are archived, and I've been reading them, and my conversation file.
I found places in my files where you mentioned your father, and the homophobic reaction he had to you. It makes me sick that he is getting all this sympathy on this page. There's a part of you he never understood, and he was cruel to you about it. And at the same time, he knew you in other ways that I could never hope to. I hate him. I hate how the article in the bakersfield paper is all stuff he said, and how he's getting so much attention.
You made me Trilly cookies. You were my auntie. You taught me the Trilly!smirk. :> You changed my life in so many ways. I wish I could go to your funeral. I wish I could have met you "in real life". This morning I was on the phone with a friend, talking about net friends, and I told her I only had one net friend on the West coast, who I really wanted to meet. You were already dead then. I didn't know it. I still don't know it.
Trilly, I haven't cried for you yet. I can't believe you're gone. We already hadn't talked in so long. Now we're never going to talk. We might not have ever talked again anyway, but I always knew that I could talk to you. I love you and I always will.