What to do when you get those wonderful telephone calls
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just
filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say,
"Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell
them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days
seems to care, and I have all these problems; my
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
just died..."
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask
them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the
company name. Then ask them where it is located.
Continue asking them personal questions or questions
about their company for as long as necessary
4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi,
my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait
for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are
you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!
Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give
Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to
figure out where the hell she could know you from.
6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound
of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they
are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it
until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the
Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice
as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be
my friend
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get
out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN
blood?
9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask
him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell
them that you could not just give your credit card
number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same
company, they often can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream,
"Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment
and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME
phone number so you can call him/her back. When the
Telemarketer explains that Telemarketers cannot give
out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want
anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang
up.
13.Ask them to repeat everything they say, several
times.
14.Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would
please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you
continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly
and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home
incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up
a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you.
But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any
clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon,
playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously,
Leon, how's your momma?"
19 Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need
to speak up... louder... louder...louder...
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to
write EVERY WORD down.
|