My wife was trying to pick a fight with me tonight. She didn't
succeed. She doesn't have the will to be annoying enough like I
do. She started complaining about the garage, the basement,
the yard--all that "you said you were going to clean..." stuff.
I nodded my head and took a few minutes of it until the
commercials ended and the Olympics started. I needed to shut
her up fast so I could watch women's gymnastics. That's when I
remembered some wise words from my late grandfather; "When
a woman is set on brow-beating you and you don't want to hear
it, just grab something to hold in your hand and chase her away
while shouting in Chinese."
I remember telling him that I didn't speak Chinese. He looked at
me like I was a moron and said, "Nobody but the Chinese speak
Chinese."
"But, Grandpa," I said dully, "you're not Chinese."
He sighed. "TZ, there is something wrong with you. I PRETEND
to know Chinese. I chase your grandmother around just shouting
things like: 'Ping pong tang!' 'Shoe too tight!' 'Tic tac toe!'
And she runs away leaving me alone."
So, folks, that's what I did. I grabbed what was nearest to me
from the table and started chasing her around shouting in
Chinese... And it worked! She didn't come around for three hours.
It wasn't until I sat down that I realized what I had grabbed
was a six inch knife I had been using to cut up an apple. So
now my problem is I don't know what scared her away, the Chinese
or the knife? Oh well, next time I'll just try the knife and see
if I get the same results.
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