I was eavesdropping on Magilla, our CEO (Chimp Executive Officer)talking to one of his cronies in the washroom. He was telling him about how he had gotten so sick of dealing with his shaggy back hair that he actually asked his wife to apply a depilatory to it. So last night they settled in for a night of back waxing.
She smeared some goop across the top of his back and let it settle. I overheard him saying that even before she tried to peel it off it felt like it was pulling his hair out. Then she grabbed a corner and began to slowly peel. Magilla said that he screamed so loud that his kids, who were out swinging in the trees, came
rushing in to see what had happened. Those poor little monkeys.
Imagine the trauma when they ran in to find the man they think is their father running around the house half naked clawing at some jizz-like substance stuck on his back.
When Magilla had calmed down and his wife came out of hiding, he instructed her to peel quickly, not at the leisurely pace of a sadistic serial killer. So she told him to get ready. She would rip it off on the count of three. One...Riiiipppp!
Magilla jumped up to the ceiling and clung there. From his vantage point he started yelling. "I thought you said you'd do it on three!"
"I thought it'd be better to do it early-to save you the apprehension. Do you want me to do the rest of you?"
"Get the hell away from me, Mrs. Mengele! I'm going to buy an electric razor."
She turned and left him hanging there. But he was pretty sure he heard her say, "Good luck getting it through that barbed wire of yours."
Hirsutely,
TZ
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