probably Mother can't stand to hear it. For some reason all this stuff triggers HER so she is in denial and chooses to let me swing instead of stepping up to the plate and doing her job to protect me. Why that ties in with the control stuff I don't really understand. But what makes me angry is all the energy I have wasted during my life trying to understand this, and not only her but other people too. It's like my radar has been tuned in one direction, to care so much about what other people think to the point that I have no freedom. I'm trying to change that now, but it's an uphill battle. And I think I have yet to do it right enough to make others happy anyway.