My mom retired a couple of weeks ago and my sisters are talking about having a retirement party for her the first week of August. Being as I'm the most knowledable in the computer field, they've asked me to do the invitations and help with the party. I thought it would be loads of fun. I really enjoy planning parties. Well, I did tell them today that I'm not sending an invite to my "brother". He doesn't deserve to go and have fun. I'm helping with the planning so I'm not going to invite him. My oldest sister asked if I mentioned this to mom. I told her no. Mom knows where I stand on it and if she asks why he didn't show up, then I will tell her I didn't invite him.
I just don't get it. Why do I have to be punished for the rest of my life for something the HE did? Why am I not allowed to go and have fun and enjoy myself - my holidays with what family I have left. No one has ever asked me what the extent of the abuse was. I almost want to write it out and send it to everyone. Just so they know what I went through as a child. So that they know the torture and the fear that he instilled in a small child. And just so everyone knows what he's capable of. But they don't care. They go through life with their little blinders on while I have to lean on "beau" for any support. Then he gets on my case about how they don't support me, etc. etc. So, then I get it from both sides and I just want to go to a closet and hide. He says that the way they've treated me has only shown that they don't care. And they don't deserve to have me in their presence. <<SIGH>> What to do. I almost feel like telling my sisters that they might as well just keep me out of everything, because I get panic attacks just thinking that he might even be there. I just want to puke just thinking about him. My life is better than it's ever been but I still have to battle about him.