Ok...I have a little more time today, so let me answer you in a bit more detail. First of all, I want Little Jeanette to know that yes, you are worth every tear that big Jeanette has cried for you. You are a precious and lovable little girl, and you did not do anything to cause these horrible things to happen to you.
Now, the anger. What are you doing with your anger now? Are you embracing it, even as awful as it feels? Do you give it a voice? Do you write out angry letters to your foster parents that you don't send? Do you pretend they are there and yell at them? Do you journal? Do you talk to anyone you trust about your anger? Do you hit a punching bag or a couch or a bed when you are angry? Do you throw playdo or silly putty onto a dry erase board that is either on the wall or the floor? Do you allow yourself to just scream when you are somewhere that no one can hear you? These are all examples of ways to release anger.
I know and truely understand that forgiveness is not even a remote idea at the moment, but I would like to redefine forgiveness for you so that you can toss the idea around for a later date. Forgiveness is not saying "Ok, what you did is ok"....no way! What they did will NEVER be ok! What forgiveness is, though, is recognizing how much the anger is hurting you and affecting your life, and becoming able to say, "What you did will never be right, but I don't have to allow you to control my emotions over it anymore, and I therefore choose to let go of the anger because it is continuing to hurt me and I don't deserve to be hurt anymore." It takes time to get there, because the anger at least allows us to FEEL like we have some power in such a powerless situation, but when we are finally ready for it, there is power in forgiveness too because you are taking the power back to not allow it to control how you feel anymore. Don't rush it....just think about it for when at a later date you might be willing to consider it. You have to be ready though, and the first step is what I described above in embracing your anger.
I care, and I understand your anger, as I've felt it too. It can be worked through, but it takes time. Be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself as if you do love yourself (as I heard you ask how you can begin to love yourself again). What would you do for someone that you do love? Would you hold them safely? You can do that with yourself, either inside, or using a blanket or doll to hold while visualizing and feeling the embrace. Would you allow someone you love to be rewarded for doing something good? Then reward yourself...whether it be with a new outfit, a relaxing bath (if they are not too triggering, as they are for many people), a delicious dessert, a good movie, or whatever. It may take time to FEEL like you love yourself, but you can still treat yourself with love.
I hope this helps, and I look forward to hearing from you again. Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help you.