| Original Message |
Watcher
Posted Oct 14, 2004 12:30 AM
I started having it many years ago now, it was in Oct, I remember that. The first few years were so bad. It was all surrounding heart palipitations but tests said nothing was wrong. I didn't die and eventually the things were less and the panic was less. I have had them off and on but never like at the beginning.
Now I have had them really bad for about 3 weeks again. Since just before the bad test on my heart. They haven't called me with results yet even though I found out they got the old records to compare with. I left a voice mail today but did not get a return call. That should be good news, right?
But here I sit at past midnight and can't sleep while my heart makes its screwy beat. I tell myself that its because there was so much stress in the past month and that it will go away again like it did before. Only this time I know I have a problem so it makes it hard to believe it.
Sorry for the whining, I have no where else to put it all. I mean it SEEMS whiney, until I feel that stupid bump in my chest again. I am also getting sick so that probably isn't helping.
I even tried to pray tonight for the first time in years but it felt false, like I am a liar or a cheat. I wonder if there is anything I can do to feel better.
I wish I had someone to talk to but I don't. Yuck. |
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