Angry Expressions (Moderated)

This is a place to talk about things you are angry about, and to let you express your anger in an appropriate way. I will be monitoring this board closely...I hope to not see passive-aggressive behavior here, and if I do, I will try to confront it, regardless of what or who it is regarding. The idea here is to express anger in a healthy way. Strong language is allowed, so please be warned of that if you decide to read other people's posts. I am giving this a test run to see if this board will work...if I see lots of inappropriate anger expressions, I will discontinue this board. Please show respect to all persons here.

To juniper

by Jamie-lee

heres is a example of my stupid mum an her guilt tripin. Im was supposed to go to her place for the weekend this arvo right. my case worker takes me to my mums house an we knock on the door an no answer so we go round the back an knock there still no answer an then around come some stupid guy who wanted to know what we wanted HELLO......so we told him an he told us to hang on an he went an woke my mum up, yeah she new i was due to go there but she thought it was better to get off her ugly face an spend time with mr whoever he was her new boyfriend. You know why she did that ? because i took her husband away, because i dont luv her an because i luv my foster mum more then i do her. those three things are not true at all but she wants me to feel that they are. See my mums husband who is NOT my dad but step dad did stuff to me an is in jail for that but she blames me an thing is when i told she didnt believe me an said she didnt want me back in her home. Then she said she did an its a big huge story but now she can only have me on the weekends an its all just crap cause she dont want me an she is just doing it cause she knows that i do like my foster mum. Thing is my mums not the best ever person around an if i told about stuff shes done then she probly wouldnt be alowed to have me even on the weekends but i wont dob on her an my reasons are cause i dont wanna hurt her but ya know what does she think that about me HELL NO she dont but she sure likes to see me hurt. Thats is what im thinking now anyhow. Well just only thought id tell ya about her an today cause i dunno bout u but i kinda feel a bit better when i no that what i feel aint just me an im not the only one whos mum just sux.
bye from Jamie-lee
P.S bye the way i think that ya name is real pretty

Posted on May 3, 2002, 5:18 AM

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Jamie-Lee

Hi Jamie-Lee,

I was real happy to hear from you. I'm so sorry for what you have had and are now going through with your mom. I think it is a real shame that your mom doesn't see what a blessing you are. I wouldn't let her put me on anymore guilt trips either. It sounds like your on the right track and she is sick. I hope you know that what your step dad done to you was NOT your fault. When I was little my uncle by marriage tried to touch me. I told my mother about it and she said, "Don't you tell anyone about that ever". She went on to say it would "ruin his life". HOW SICK. And you know what?! I listened to her. She still goes around this man and just really looks up to him. Oh and by the way, Thanks for the compliment on my name. You have a very beautful name too. My baby son (he is 3) his name is Jamie too. I love that name. It is beautiful for a boy or a girl. I had made up my mind that I was going to name my baby Jamie what ever the sex was. Thank you for sharing your story with me and I wish you all the best. You seem like a very strong person. I feel like your gonna make it and through your experiences you will be a really great parent some day. And you know what, you should cherish your foster mom, and don't feel guilty for loving her either. It seems like she has been a real blessing to you. God put her in your life for many reasons. Blessings to you.

juniper

Posted on May 3, 2002, 12:15 PM

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hey juniper

by Jamie-lee

Im am sorry yr uncle tried to hurt ya an im also more sorry for what yr mum did say about u would ruin his life. my mums response or what ever was that one im a lier an two im a s**t an three i just wanted to hurt her. HELLO yeh right...she dont think of what shes done an how i dont say nothin about that the dumb ass. but for me that was after i did tell but u no i to listened to my mum an some times i do feel shes right so its kool that u listened to yr mum to about thinkin u would ruin ya uncles life so dont ever feel bad for that cause shes the one thats wrong. about yr mum still liking yr uncle well my mum reckons shes gonna wait for my step dad an first she hopes he gets off an outta jail an second she is gonna wait for him if he dont. id like to tell him about her new boyfriend cause he would go ballistic. You no about 5 weeks ago when i had to go back to her house some thing happened to me that she should have helped me but she didnt an instead she just standed there an laughed an kept on laughing, yeh she was drunk but that dont matter what does matter is shes my mum an she laughed while i was hurting an that just only tells me that she dont luv me or if she does she sure dont show it how she should. But of course this dont stop me from going back for more an more an maybe one day ill have the guts to dob her in to but for now i spose i at least do get to have my foster mum during the week an who knows maybe my mum will want to be with the new guy more then me an not want me to go there no more. I think every one listens to there mums an even if they do suck like ours. hey yw for the compliment of ya name an thanks for sayin u like mine to an i think its kool that yr baby son has the same name. Just did also wanna say that yep i do no that God put my foster mum in my life an shes a blessing. she is just ace u know an i like her a real LOT. well ive wrote heaps now so i think ill stop an go. i hope ya have a great weekend an have lotsa fun.

from Jamie-lee

Posted on May 3, 2002, 9:20 PM

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to Jamie-Lee

by juniper

God bless you Jamie-Lee. You deserve all God's best

big hug,

juniper

Posted on May 4, 2002, 12:25 PM

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{{{Hugz 2 u 2 juniper}}}

by Jamie-lee

an God bless ya as well

from Jamie-lee

Posted on May 5, 2002, 8:22 AM

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some thing i wrote

by Jamie-lee

hey i wanted to show u a sorta poem i did write for my foster mum an am going to give it to her on mothers day. im not real good at this stuff but its how i want her to no i luv her an i no she does me to.

You are the one i luv
You are the one i need
an the one i wanna call my mum
I luv you cause you hold me right
I luv you cause you make it allright
I feel safe an warm in yr arms
I feel some thing i can not explain
but it sure makes up for all the pain
Some times i wake up in the night real scared
an you just hold me an say its all gonna be ok.
Some times when im real scared an am sick
you just hold me an say its all gonna be ok
Some times when i cant sleep an things feel real bad
you just hold me an say its all gonna be ok
When i think to much an my mind wont stop
you just hold me an say its gonna be ok
Some times i dont want you to hold me
and you still say that thats ok
This is why i no yr different an you do luv me
I luv you to an i hope you can luv me forever.
HAPPY MOTHER DAY (MUM)

Posted on May 3, 2002, 11:36 PM

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Wow!!

This is a great poem, and if I were your foster mom, I would cry tears of happiness when I read this.

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on May 4, 2002, 11:34 AM

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{{{Terrie}}}

by Jamie-lee

thanks heaps Terrie an ya know what if u was my foster mum i reckon id wanna write some thing like that to u to an i to reckon that im just as lucky or blessed to have met u just like i am to have met my foster mum cause u 2 sound heaps the same an ya both just ace.

Luv ya
from Jamie-lee

Posted on May 5, 2002, 8:20 AM

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I think...

I think it is an honor to be able to make a difference in the life of someone who matters...like you.

Love ya,
Terrie

Posted on May 5, 2002, 6:20 PM

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to Jamie-Lee

by juniper

Your real mother doesn't know how lucky she is, and your foster mom has been blessed to have you come into her life.

your friend,

juniper

Posted on May 4, 2002, 12:27 PM

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thank you A real LOT... no more inside

by Jamie-lee

.

Posted on May 5, 2002, 8:24 AM

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pests... just coz it doesn't bloody snow

by dawni

i'm really peeved that so many people, especially americans and canadians, automatically assume that i'm a wuss because i'm cold and you know.. i'm australian. "it doesn't get cold there, ever!" arrgh. it annoys me no end. sure, it's not snowing and maybe over there this is a warm spring day. to me, it's bloody cold. i don't have a heater. i have a window i can't shut and i live in a house made of concrete. the walls radiate cold. okay, so the (MAX - not average, not current, not minimum but the maximum) temperature for today was a lovely 75F (25C) for my closest capital city... that's great. however, i'm not in that capital city, i'm in the burbs, and i can tell you right now - at 7pm it is not at its maximum temperature of the day. right now the temperature in the city is 20C - possibly as low as 10-15C here right now (we don't have a thermometer). oh, and it has been raining all day. and argh. i'm sick of people saying, but it's not cold there. what's the temp, like 80F? it's very frustrating and it makes me feel itty bitty. it's like because i'm not from the same country, because i dont' get snow - i, and every other australian, don't know what cold is. but you know.. it does snow in some parts of aus. sure, not my part, but big deal. it doesn't snow in all parts of america, either, but you know.. never heard it said that americans don't know cold. bleh. ::stomps on evil people::

okay, i'm done raving now. sorry. going back to bed to curl up with harry potter and wiat til fiance comes home.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 4:08 AM

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OH YEAHHHHHH

by Jamie-lee

so so so so SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO true right on dawni... ok im excited i admit thats cause some one has said some thing ive think lots. Yup i have gotten told that b4 in chat rooms about i should not whine in the winter cause i dunno what cold is yeah well i tell ya when ya shivering an ya bones ache cause its real cold in the winter i think that ya do know what cold is even if it dont snow. dawni it was a very cold day where i live today to but dunno the true temp but my skin tells me it was anyway an right now im freezing an i dont live in a concrete house so ya so right in ALL u said. Ya no this is not the only thing like how other peeps from the countries u mentioned think of us an what really pisses me off is when they say to me that i ride kangaroos an they think that we have roos an koalas all over the place an i hate roos and koalas an ya know what realy realy pisses me off is when peeps say oh ya soooooooooo lucky cause u live in aus an that they would swap me in a second. Well yeah i fell oh so damn lucky 2 an if they swaped with me they sure would regret it i tell ya. peeps from other countries have some crazy thoughts that we ALL as in EVERY aussie has the best time over here well yeah im here to tell em that aint true. AN YESSSSSSSSSS OUR WINTERS ARE JUST AS COLD TO US SO THERE..........................I aint to wuse dawni so niether are you.
Hope harry potter an ya fiance can help to warm ya up real soon.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 4:58 AM

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Great vent, both of you!

I have never been of the impression that it never gets cold there....sure, maybe not as cold as some other places, but still cold! It doesn't get as cold where I live now as it does where I used to live. Does that mean I don't get cold? NO! I do. I choose not to move back north cuz I can't handle THAT much cold. But I still have cold....and you do too! So sorry people have such misconceptions. Of course, people have misconceptions about America too. When I was in Portugal in 1984, I lived with a family. Their dishwasher broke, and they said, "In America, it breaks, you get new one...here we have to get it fixed"...I only WISH I were as rich as some people seem to think all Americans are. I personally barely squeak by from month to month paying my bills. I work with homeless people. There are an estimated 50,000 or more homeless people in the city of Memphis alone! So even though we are the richest country in the world, please be assured that the wealth does not pass down to everyone.....

Terrie

Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:23 AM

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misconseptions

by Jamie-lee

I did just wanna say i never did think every one in America was rich but like u i wish u an all others there were 2 that would be awesome huh. I actually did used to think alot of things about Americans an Poms an some others an found out that my thinkin was not true so i spose we all some times think that some thing about some other country thats not real.

Posted on May 3, 2002, 10:02 PM

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Hmmmmmm

by NP

It's 27 degrees here this morning....

Weather is weather. The only thing that struck me as different about AU is that you guys have Christmas in summertime.

NP

Posted on May 3, 2002, 7:01 AM

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I hate her

by NP

Mother. Grrrrrrr...... I hate the way she mixes up my emotions. I hate the way she tries to influence my kids, although they are quite savvy about her ways and it doesn't seem to bother them as much. Maybe because they are boys? I hate the way she thinks every single thing I ever do is wrong and acuses me at length, tries to tell me how to spend my hard-earned money. Anything that happens to cross through her mind to her way of thinking becomes a fact and that I have done something with spite in my heart. She trys to make me guilty with her tears, tries to buy my love with money, although it has been a long time since we have accepted any. But right now she is saying that I should go "home" to care for her for 6 weeks! You know anyone who can leave their family and job for 6 weeks? And during a recession?? This seems incredibly selfish to me. She has money, she has neighbors friends and family. Why me? Because it is a way to instill guilt. She says she will pay my travel expences. I'm not going. In the past year I removed things in my life that were more stressful than I could handle. I went through another period of agoraphobia, but after that little rest came back stronger than ever. My panic rarely rears its ugly head any more, and I didn't think I would EVER be without the panic again, but I am.

What it has done is make me more independant than ever. I have gotten closer to MIL this past 2 years since she lives near to us now. I go over and take care of things and visit.... she tells me I am a dear sweet thoughtful person and is glad her son found me. If not for her comments and those of my two closest friends, I might still believe all the hurtful bullshit.

My one friend in particular and I have moved very close now and I am so grateful for her presence in my life. It's a tough job for these few people; hubby, kids, MIL, friends, T, to undo the damage of years of abuse and the reinforcement of that abuse online. I want to thank them for this somehow. How can I do that? What would be a really nice way to thank them?

I also want to thank you, Terrie, and also you, Shellie for helping me cope here. That little bit of peace and support, even when I get frustrated and know my reactions are off, have made all the difference. I will also mention my secretary, who is a good friend, and my online chat group where I have found so many nice people to chat with, and the T's elist I belong to.

Hey, this is starting to look like a lot of people are on my side. Funny how one determined person can derail someone and make them focus on only the bad. I don't want to miss the good stuff and I feel that each day spent sad or concentrating on the evils is a day lost forever. No more! I wish I could just put Mother on ignore.

Nobody

Posted on May 1, 2002, 7:40 AM

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Post script to my rant....

by NP

For those of you who don't remember, my parents were in a car crash a few weeks ago. Now that Mother is coming out of rehab she is insisting I come to take care of her house, even though Father is fine now. I say that she must be feeling much much better, she is back to her old self and in top form...... She wants me to leave my family and go to her and be her servant.

No.

Posted on May 1, 2002, 7:43 AM

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i know exactly what you mean...

some mothers are good at that. and if you choose not to be her servant well then your the selfish one. i have a mother just like that. except for my mother will turn everyone against me and make me look like the sorry dog. pretty soon i'm getting calls from my brother and aunts telling me i should be ashamed. you stand your ground. i don't think you would be doing her any good waiting on her hand and foot. she will probably put you on a guilt trip but stand your ground. how come it is when we decide to stand up for ourselves and not be door matts anymore we are bitches? well i say, "POWER TO THE BITCHES". Good luck in your decision and many blessings to you.

juniper

Posted on May 1, 2002, 8:46 AM

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smile

by NP

Power to the bitches.... I like that. How about Unity among Bitches! I don't need power over anyone else, I just need control in my own life.

Mother does the sorry dog thing to me too. I thin she says nasty things about me so she can feel better aobut herself and to keep people from looking to closely at the real me. They find out what a nice person I am. It's all about her, it always was.

NP

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:04 AM

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Definition of "bitch"

Babe
In
Total
Control of
Herself

So, let's ALL be bitches! hehe

:)

Terrie

Posted on May 1, 2002, 8:44 PM

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LOL!

by NP

OK, thanks, I can use this next time she calls me that. Guess I don't need to feel ashamed after all! And I'm in good company.

{{{{{{{{Terrie}}}}}}}}}

Surprisingly, I am doing quite well through all this. Things have changed for me some I think.

NP

Posted on May 1, 2002, 10:04 PM

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exactly!!

i feel the very same way about my mom. i feel she is always trying to make me feel or look bad to take the focus off of herself. my mother is a very self rightious person. i mean she makes me sick cause i see all her horrible imperfections and i can't stomach her. she is a real "mommy dearest".

Posted on May 2, 2002, 12:01 AM

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Hmmmmmmm

by NP

Are you sure we didn't have the same Mother?

Yet I am not mommy dearest to my kids, they love and respect me. I wonder if that is part of that skipping generations thing? I don't think my kids will be bad parents though, because they are aware of her problems too.

NP

Posted on May 2, 2002, 7:20 AM

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NP

by juniper

yes, it sounds like we do have the same mother. and my 13 year old daughter would get so mad at her for how she would treat me. i guess that is why i finally decided to cut her loose. what really set the final fuse is that...well, everytime we would talk on the phone she would cut me off in mid sentence and say, "oh corey (my brother) is fixin to leave for work i'll call you back". which she never called back. or maybe the dog was barking. she done this to me all the time. i mean i could be spilling my cuts about something and she would do this. you know, not to mention my brother is 22 years old. one day she done this and my daughter says to me, "mother, why do you put up with her". that day was the last time...it just wasn't her day. you know, i know that i am a good mother and all, but sometimes i see my mother in myself and i have to fight it. sometimes i look in the mirror and i see her. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM NOOOOOOO!!! anyways, i am glad you and i have something in common. it helps me to know that i can vent to someone who knows.

Posted on May 2, 2002, 11:43 AM

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My T says

by NP

probably Mother can't stand to hear it. For some reason all this stuff triggers HER so she is in denial and chooses to let me swing instead of stepping up to the plate and doing her job to protect me. Why that ties in with the control stuff I don't really understand. But what makes me angry is all the energy I have wasted during my life trying to understand this, and not only her but other people too. It's like my radar has been tuned in one direction, to care so much about what other people think to the point that I have no freedom. I'm trying to change that now, but it's an uphill battle. And I think I have yet to do it right enough to make others happy anyway.

NP

Posted on May 2, 2002, 2:16 PM

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none

by juniper

if your like myself i have been a door matt for my mother. i have always been the one whom she cuts down and belittles. in some strange way do you feel like your mother gets off on making you feel small? almost like making you feel bad makes her feel better about herself? i mean...i don't know what my mother is going to do without me to belittle. i recently had to severe the ties with my mom. i just couldn't handle it anymore. i seen her contempt for me and i just got to the point to where i thought, "why does this woman call me when it is clear in how she talks to me that she hates me"? so i had to cut her loose. i really got tired of feeling like shit and let me tell you, if anyone can make me feel like shit she can. she has turned my brother against me now and probably my aunts and grandmother and i really hate that, but what can i do. you know, it sounds like my mother and yours grew up in the same time. my mother is very materialistic and she judges people by the job or the house they live in. i hate that about her too. she is just a regular Cruella Deville. well, i'm glad i got to respond to you and thank you for letting me blow off some steam. i hate what your mother is putting you through, but it is comforting to know that i'm not the only one... blessings to you and yours.

juniper

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:02 AM

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Amen sister

by NP

We have very similar dynamics in our family, but there is a manipulative adoptive brother involved. The two of them are quite a team while Father looks the other way. As for getting off on it, oh yeah, BIG TIME. I don't get it. I haven't spoken to Mother for almost two years now. Her comunications come through email or relatives sending me stuff. I have no personal or phone contact at all.

NP

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:07 AM

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My brother hates me now

Well I guess my mother got the letter. I got a very hurtful message on my machine from my brother saying that he has news for me that I don't have to worry about any of them bothering me anymore. He said that I was really chicken shit and he thinks it is better that I stay away from mom, from them all.

He has no ideal what I've been through as a little girl, all the things she has done to me when I was just a little girl... the mean things she says now, and I guess he don't care. I don't know (pause) why do I feel at fault right now and why do I feel guilty?

juniper

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 8:46 PM

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juniper

I think a lot of us were taught that it was our jobs to keep our parents/family happy, so when they are not happy, we tend to feel guilty. That does NOT mean you are at fault or that you have done anything wrong. You deserve to be safe and to take care of yourself, and it is obvious that you do a much better job of it than she ever did.

Wishing you peace,
Terrie

Posted on May 1, 2002, 8:36 PM

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Terrie

by juniper

amen and thank you Terrie... smiles

Posted on May 2, 2002, 12:02 AM

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amnot angree....want be invisible..

by lisa

is beter....very better......:( cant say why...is to big...very to big.....dont wan boder.and am told am too young an i liing anyway....i make it all up....and nothing happin.......
<<<<<<<<<want disapeer.....>>>>>>>>>>>>>
lisa

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 3:31 PM

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Hi sweetie

It's ok to talk to me sweetie. I have no reason to think you would make something up. Who is telling you that you are lying and making it up? You can write in an e-mail if you prefer not to write on the board. I love you.

Safe hugs,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 5:32 PM

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we are a "we"!

by hopey

this stupid and ignorant rumor going around that we aren't a "we" is absolutely nuts and I am so tired of it!
what on earth????
"we can only be friends if we address you as a monomind"

WE WISH WE WERE MONOMINDS NUMBHEAD!
TELL SUZIE...SHE'S NOT REAL, OR KENNY OR ME FOR THAT MATTER!
WELL, I'M HERE...TELL ME TO MY FACE INSTEAD OF TALKING BEHIND MY BACK ALL YOU SCARED, LITTLE, PEOPLES!
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT, ONLY TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT? SO PICK ON SOMEONE YOU ARE AFRAID IS RIGHT? WE KNOW WHO WE ARE...DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE??? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A DX!!!!!!!
I FEEL MUCH HEALTHIER THAN YOU MUST IF YOU HAVE TO GO AROUND ACCUSING OTHERS OF NOT BEING WHAT YOU WERE NEVER DX'D AS, AND WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH 2 DIFFERENT TESTS, GIVEN 10 YEARS APART! THOSE SHOWED WE WERE DEFINITELY DID!!
NO....WE DON'T HAVE 100'S OF LEVELS AND STUFF....WE ARE JUST WE...AND THAT'S MORE THAN WE WISH FOR YOU SHMUCK, SLIMY, CREEPY, LITTLE LIAR!
that needed to come out badly
i can't believe some people who are holier than thou and then hurt you so badly...what's the point? i'd never do that to anyone and i'm not even perfect...get it?
arrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hopey

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 9:30 PM

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Sniffles

I was so angry when I read that. I am not DID but, I do feel for those of you on this board that are. Life is so hard as it is. I almost cried when I read your post. I'm so sorry that some choose to hurt you like that. That is not fair.

And we don't treat them that way because we have compassion for others. Which makes us ten times better than them.

Hang in there and I'm glad you got that off your chest.

Peace and love.
Mary

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 11:09 AM

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We're sorry God

by Hope

we shouldn't have lashed out like that
please forgive us

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 6:12 PM

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I finally did it.

Today I finally cut the ties with my mother. I couldn't do it on the phone or in person, so I wrote her a letter. I went to see her just the other night, and I'm glad I did because the visit reconfirmed just what a vicious person she is. Like I told her in my letter. "Your words and actions show your contempt for me even now that I am a grown woman. Though you can no longer hurt me physically your words and mind games have hurt me more than my words can say. Therefore I feel I have to cut this tie that binds me. Please bury me and have my funeral, and I will do the same for you, and as I drop the dirt on my past I will forgive you as I hope you will forgive me for what ever I have done to make you hate me so..."

I want to thank Terrie, Jamie Lee and Mary for your support. You guys helped me so. Blessings to you all and everyone who comes to this message board.

juniper

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 12:45 AM

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Yayyayayay!

I'm so proud of you! I hope she respects your wishes, but if she does not, stand strong, an you will make it!

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 10:50 AM

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Thanks

Thanks. I know she is going to have the attitude of, "Your always blaming someone else..."
She always does. But thats okay cause I think I'm gonna make it.
blessings and peace to you,
juniper

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 7:12 PM

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good on ya

by Jamie-lee

I did just wanna tell ya that i think its is GREAT that ya wrote ya mum a letter an u should be real happy with your self for doing that. try not to worry bout ya brother (read ya other post) or any one else or what they say cause u know what yr mum did an how much it hurt u, THEY DONT so they can never understand how u feel. As long as u know in yr own self that u did the right thing then thats all that matters.

Hope ya doin ok today
From Jamie-lee

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:41 PM

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Jamie-Lee

by juniper

Thank you very much Jamie-Lee. i just can't help but to feel a little guilty cause she is the "grand dame" of guilt trips. she always has been and i guess i'm programed.

Posted on May 2, 2002, 12:06 AM

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juniper

by Jamie-lee

yeah i no what ya mean about not helping feelin guilty cause its kinda hard to not feel that way huh especialy when ya mum is the type that wants ya to feel like that an does things to make u feel like it.
My mum goes in an comes out of psycho hospitals all the time an when ilived with her each time she went in i felt bad about that an i should not have but she would alwyas say well if u made me take my meds then i would not have to go in hospital but when she went off her meds an i did try to get her to take em she would just be nasty to me an not take them so it was realy her own stupid fault an she just wanted me to feel bad. Ya no what sux the most is that she does make me feel bad an i feel bad at least one time every day still when i think about stuff so i no what u mean about how u feel guilty.

Posted on May 2, 2002, 10:40 PM

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no yelll Kant yellll......

by lisa

but angry anyway.....:((( :(((((
not fairr.....nice ppl go awais....alwis nise one..

frind yu make go..ppl yu lov go or die wich is same ting.....

who be next??????

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 12:41 AM

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{{{{{lisa}}}}}

I know it's so hard when people go. I wish we could keep everyone we love around always, but unfortunately, we can't. It hurts, huh?

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 10:47 AM

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hert

by lisa

making fwindss is so hard....and then tey leeve....wats the point? knowing i can hurt again?

lisa

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 3:26 PM

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Hi sweetie

Yes, I know it hurts when friends leave. The way I try to look at it, though, is that I think of the blessing I got when I had that friend in my life. I think, for me, even though they might leave later and that will hurt, still deserve to have their friendship, even for a while. I can get lots of good things from that friendship, and it might last a little while, or I might get lucky and it might last a very long time. I don't know if I don't try, though.

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 5:35 PM

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I'm sorry

by dawni

Hi Lisa,
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, but I know what it's like to feel those things. A lot of those things I'm feeling right now too but I'd like to think that it won't always be happening with everyone we care about. Someone said to us the other day that maybe it is just a "clearing" of things to make room in our lives for more and better things. And I know sometimes that's not much help at all.. but maybe it'll work out for the best in the end. That's our hope, anyway, and maybe it'll help you a little too.
Love, dawni

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 5:23 PM

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thanx dawi

by lisa

tanx for yu repli dont kno wat tu sai....hat feeling tis...and hate she goes...i undertnad why she go..is beter for her...but i loos her....
dont care for cleening my space....want be invisible
lisa

Posted on Apr 30, 2002, 3:28 PM

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Just

by Jamie-lee

{{{{{{{{lisa}}}}}}}} if ya want em

Posted on May 1, 2002, 9:37 PM

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ysss

by lisa

i ll take em.......thanx

Posted on May 4, 2002, 1:31 AM

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whatever

by Jamie-lee

Im am a sucker ya know. every time i fall for it an every time i lose. ppl say they care
ppl say they will listen then ppl just only ignore.
nobody cares an nobody loves me but uh yah they say they do but reality is they only just dont.
So fuck this world fuck the counsellors, fuck the lawyers, fuck em all. have been told im brave
have been told im strong, have been told im good but when im not brave or strong or good ppl hate me.
so ya know what i learned well i learned that thats what ppl want me to be or else they dont want
to know me. thats is right folks make fucking sure ya always act strong or brave or good or what the fuck ever or else every one will just hate ya an not wanna no ya.
dont any one tell me they care or that im strong or brave or any thing cause im not an ya just say it cause ya dont know what else to say or cause it makes ya feel better. hows about some one just be honest wiht me for once an tell me that ya dunno what to say or there just aint no fucking hope cause then at least for once in my fucking life some one will have told me some thing true for one time.
ya knoiw fuck it. FUCK IT ALL......an if ya dont like the bad words ive used in here than fuck you 2 cause i dont give a fuckin fuck nomore.....

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 11:52 PM

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A few words

by NP

Regardless of the fact that it seems like the world is a sea of shit to you right now, I want to tell you that there are a few good people out there. I ran into a very wonderful husband and have been with him for almost 24 years now, married for most of that time. I can trust him. He does love me. That multiplied in our children, they also love me and care for me. Then I ran into a great T who also cares for and loves me. I have several 3D friends. My co-workers are a great bunch and we have fun.

Thing is it took several years to get to that point where I was even able to let people into my life. Looking back I can see that when I was a teen I was pushing people away and then not understanding why they weren't there later.

It will come to you in time. But you're right about the strong part. Don't let it make mush out of your brain. The only way to truly win is to live well and be in control of yourself. I know you are at about the hardest part of the journey right now but don't give up, work hard to get over the early problems and it will come to you. Don't let it take over your life and live in a viscous circle.

Sounds like you could really really use a break right now. I don't care if you swear. My own boys do it all the time.

NobodyPerfect

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 6:06 AM

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To NP

by Jamie-lee

Thanks NP an thats all makes lots of sense what you said. like i some times just think of stuff like what you said about your finding good things like your husband an your kids an your T an some times of why an how that happens. hope that all sounds right cause i wasnt sure how to say it. like its like that life can be good huh an things can get better even if they feel shit now. i try to do thats lots an just some times it all gets where i feel i wanna give up but i wont ever do that cause there has to be some thing better even if its ten years time an plus with every thing that sux at the time now i do have a prety special carer who does luv me its just that im scared of that but will get better one day i reckon. Just confusing u know. But that thats a good thing thats happened so i should think of that even if ido get angry at her.
Thanx for every thing u said and for sayin u dont care if i swear an i think its kool that ya boys do it 2.
Jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 10:53 PM

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Jamie-Lee

by Misty & dawni

From reading what you've written, it sounds to us like someone you care about has taken a step back from you recently and we can bet that hurt a lot. We've been there, lots of times, and can attest to that.

But, we don't think that necessarily means they don't care. We're not saying that is true or false in your situation - we're not there, we didn't witness what happened, and even if we did, we're not in that other person's head to know what their motives were. We're just suggesting that maybe it's a possibility.

We'll also say that we don't care how you act, within reason. If you're angry... you be angry. If you're feeling like you can't handle being the strong one... then you don't have to be. We're not about to walk away from someone just because they're human. You know what else, Jamie-Lee? You can swear as much as you like, because sometimes swearing is a wonderful way to release excess tensions and emotions that might otherwise be bottled up too far inside yourself and cause you a lot of harm.

Finally, please know that if we have nothing to say, in general we won't say anything at all. On the odd occasion we might leave a message just to say "Hey. I/we read this. Don't know what to say/how to help, but wanted you to know you're not talking to a brick wall here" but if we have nothing to say, then you'll know it. We (Misty & dawni) don't say things like that to friends/people we choose to talk to in order to fill in space and/or time.

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 9:23 AM

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to Misty an dawni

by Jamie-lee

Thanks Misty an dawni for every thing ya said an for reading. thats all made lots of sense an plus just every thing makes me know that im not wrong for feeling what i feel and all the stuff goin on just is ok to feel like i do.

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 10:57 PM

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Jamie-lee

It's ok to be angry, and even to swear. I'm not sure if I'm the one your mad at or not, cuz I think I have not yet answered your last e-mail, and I can see how you might feel like I have chosen to ignore you. Because, you see, I've been very busy lately, and although I have answered the boards, I have not answered all my e-mails. If it is me your are mad at, I'm ok with that and can accept it. And if it's not me, that's ok too. Regardless, you are entitled to your feelings. And about you being strong and brave, I don't think that you are not strong or not brave, just because you can't always have strong and brave behaviors or feelings. After all, you are only human. I know that personally, I don't hate you even when you are having a really hard time, and I still want to know you no matter what you are going through. I know not everyone can handle it when people they know have a hard time, but there are still some good ones who can, and who don't judge you for having a hard time. I know it is hard to trust, and that people have not earned your trust, but I hope that you will find that there are people out there who are good to you, cuz they are there, and you do deserve that.

Love you
Terrie

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 3:36 PM

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to Terrie

by Jamie-lee

no way Terrie im am not angry at you an if i was i would not paste a message on ya sites so truly am not ok. An it does take lots to get me angry an emails i got like 10 (thats probly exageration) of em that i need to reply to but havnt done them yet. So is kool ok its not you im angry with. im am embarressed you think is you.
im angry with every one in my real life. some probly dont deserve me being angry with em but i dont care no more. im am not spose to post here no more either cause the lawyer says so,but ya know im am sick of bein told what i can an cant do an say an he is only interested when i tell him what he wants. thats who i meaned when i said ppl like you when you pretand to be brave an strong but if ya not an you don't tell em what they want then they only ignore an hate you. He tells me its my responsibility to fight an get Jerry locked up for ever so he cant hurt nobody else NO THATS NOT my responbility i dont care what he says. What happens if Jerry gets off then thats means its my fault an if he hurts any one else thats my fault so fuck the stupid lawyer ITS NOT MY RESPONSBILITY CAUSE I NEVER WANTED IT.....NEVER. He says i cant say nothing to no body on here or any one except my counseller or carer until is all over right then my carer and him tells me that every thing i say to them an my counseler is between me an them but then my counseler tells me that she will most probly have to go to court an in court they will ask her stuff ive said an the law says she has to tell. who is telling me the real truth an who is lieing cause i dunno no more. I told em all they can get stufed an im not saying nothing else to no body an thats when they all got pissed off so ya see thats what imean about every one liking ya when you good an what they reckon is strong an brave,if im so strong an fucking brave then why is that just when i do what they want me to .An when i dont then im just silly or not being responsible. its all just crap,they think im just a dumb kid who dunno what there trying to do. Im am slow but not that slow but they think cause iam the way i am that they can trick me. my life was lots less comfusing before i opened my stupid mouth. At least back then i only had to put up with what iwas used to anyways.
Anyways im not angry at ya ok .
Luv from Jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 10:58 PM

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Hi Jamie-lee

Thank you for writing to me and explaining what is going on. I did not know if it was me or not, and I did not want to assume one way or the other, so no need to be embarrassed.

I think it is pretty normal for people to be angry at the world, in your situation. And it's ok to be that angry...so the next thing is, what are some healthy outlets for that anger? I think it is important to express anger in ways that don't hurt yourself or others. Some things that have helped some people....talking into thin air as if someone they are angry at is there.....hitting on something soft like pillows or a couch cushion.....ripping up phone books......twisting towels as tight as you can.....writing your feelings on paper, as a letter or as a journal.....talking to people who are healthy and willing to listen to you and understand what you are going through. It's not easy, I know...but you can work through the anger and find a "normal" life.

As for Jerry...no, it is not your fault that he hurt you, and no, it is not your fault if he gets set free and hurts others....but if you stop to think about it, do you really want him to get out to hurt you or others in the future? I know you have no contol over what the courts and lawyers and everyone does, but I also know that if you really want to help you and others be safe from him, you can do what it takes to try to help that happen in court. Does this make sense?

About your counselor...yes, it is possible that the courts could make her talk about the things you have told her. That's called a supeona, and it's when they are able to access information that they otherwise would not have a right to. Most times when people see a counselor, what they say is totally confidential (unless someone's safety is in danger...then safety takes first priority). But in cases where the court is involved, they can sometimes supeona the records and the counselor.

I'm curious about how you think it is going to help you to not say anything to anyone anymore about what happened. Perhaps you could help me to understand that...

Love ya,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 22, 2002, 8:33 PM

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Terrie

by Jamie-lee

Me not saying any thing any more probly wont help me but it hurts alot to say what they want me to say. An then i dont want every one to know what i did cause its all just gross. i told in the first place cause i wanted stuff to stop an i had to have tests an stuff done an they show that im telling the truth so why do i got to say every thing i did. it just hurts me more and i only want to forget. i no it will get beter an i no i have to do stuff to make sure Jerry dont hurt no one else, i just am tired of hurting.

Posted on Apr 24, 2002, 5:17 AM

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Jamie-lee

I know it's hard to talk about it. I know it's especially hard to talk about the things that YOU had to do. Try to remember, though, that all of those things are his fault. Yes,they are gross...but I promise that talking about it will help in the long run. Not just cuz of the court stuff, but for you, inside. I know you just want to forget, but that's not going to happen, and so the best way to make it not so big inside of you is to talk about it and let it out. You're not alone, Jamie-lee. I'm here to support you every step of the way. I care.

Sending you courage,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 24, 2002, 7:41 AM

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thanks Terrie an question

by Jamie-lee

Thanks heaps Terrie. for being there an saying ya care an not just only that but for understanding an telling me like the truth in how about the sepena stuff an every thing you have told me.
if i wrote out some stuff that they want me to tell them in a email some day could you read it an tell me if its ok like what i say an stuff first before i give it to them ? if ya dont wanna but thats kool. an if ya say i can it will probly take a while.

Luv Jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 24, 2002, 9:24 AM

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Jamie-lee

I would be glad to help you in any way I can...feel free to e-mail me.

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 24, 2002, 7:54 PM

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an Terrie again

by Jamie-lee

An i did forget to say thanks for all what u said. Its is helful to no that im not feeling the wrong ways or that im not wierd an stuff u know.

Luv from
Jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 11:12 PM

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(((((((jaime-llee)))

by lisa

am sory yur hurtin...an i kno al tis crap hurt lots....
yu did notin wrong....

sory can no help yu much but i see othrs hellp yu bettr.....
just wanna sai im here mi frind....kk

Lisa

Posted on Apr 24, 2002, 7:57 PM

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{{{{{Lisa}}}}}

by Jamie-lee

hey how ya doing????
Dont be sorry cause ya no what u help me HEAPS just cause ya my friend. I dont got many friends in my real life ya know so is kool that u like me an i like u 2.

well gotta fly cause am going to the movies with my f-mum. bye bye for now
Jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 24, 2002, 11:25 PM

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jaime-lee

by lisa

wat movie???
i like movie...an ya....is kool cuz we lik eech other...
tuday is sooooooooooooo boring is rainin...
but is gilr scout....
lisa

Posted on Apr 25, 2002, 4:23 PM

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lisa

by Jamie-lee

Hey lisa i could not go in the movies when we got there. some times i cant do things i plan to do an have to go home. but was gonna see a beautiful mind which u probly heard of, is a true story. sorry its boring for u an i hope the rains stops soon cause it sux when it rains. But i hope ya had heaps of fun at girl scouts. well time to go pack. gotta go to my mums for the weekend which is ok just that i think i prefer to stay here its nice an quiet an peacful here. well only two nites an two days so that is kool. i hope ya have a great weekend an that the rain stops so ya can go out an play.

Jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 25, 2002, 10:00 PM

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I'm confused

I am 36 years old. I was physically and verbally abused when I was a little girl by my mother. I remember all those times. I'm like a person from the out side looking in on this little girl who endured being abused. The bad fricken thing about it is that I still have a relationship with this woman...I still starve for her love, affection... But recently I am pissed off and I just wish she would die and leave me the fuck alone!!!!! The bitch still plays her head games with me, still puts me on guilt trips about not coming to see her. I have a younger brother whom I am 14 years older than he. He has never been abused and he can never do any wrong. Of course the bitch always throughs up how good he is and how dependable. Don't get me wrong...I love my brother and it isn't his fault...He gets mad at me for not going around my mother too. What pisses me off the most is that my mother has forgotten the time when I was about 4 and my new puppy pooped in the floor and she chased me around the house with shit in hand trying to rub my nose in it! I remember spending all night under the bed, against the wall, waiting for her to fall asleep... My mother doesn't remember any of the awful abuse she inflicted. I am so pissed cause I am living with it every single fucking day of my fucking life. I don't know what to do. I now have memories of my mother having with my dad in front of me. Does this woman not remember all that shit? I have so many hang ups because of my childhood.

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 11:47 PM

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Hi juniper

I'm so sorry your mom did those things to you. And I can certainly understand your anger. You did not derserve this awful treatment that you received. As for her not remembering....it could be that she does remember, but will not admit it; or else if she doesn't remember, then she is in denial herself. Either way, she was wrong to do any of it, and is wrong to continue to lay guilt trips on you and comparing you to your brother as if to say "You/re not good enough", when really you ARE good enough, and it is her who is not good enough. As for you still craving her love and affection, that is very normal and what it is is a desire to be "good enough" and to have the mom you never had. Anyway, I hope that in time you will be able to work though this, but in the meantime, please know that you're not alone, and that what you are feeling is normal under the circumstances.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 3:13 PM

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Its true

by NP

What Terrie said is true. Lots of us here feel the same way about Mothers and brothers. We try to hold each other up when it gets tough. You are welcome here.

NobodyPerfect

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 4:53 PM

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Thank you...

I appreciate your response. You know, I talked to her this morning and I confronted her with a hypothetcal situation like mine. You know what she says, "Well, maybe that mother is dealing with what a mean child her child was as a child and teenager, and maybe the kid deserved the treatment she got". She went on to say,"Even though parents abuse children the children have to obey God's word and honor your parents even when they get to be adults". I was really taken back by that response. I however do not believe that I (we) are obligated to people who have harmed us, and one of these days I will let her go. I feel it may be real soon. Here is an example of how she even does my children. My 13 daughter's cat come up missing. When I seen that the cat was really gone I told my children that a nice family probably thought that he was alone and adopted him...My 7 year old son mentions this to my mother and she (my mom) tells my kids that in her opinion the cat probably was laying dead or injured some where as the result of being run over. My 7 year old son did not understand this and he bombarded me with whys and whats... It is this kind of cruelty that makes me sick. Terrie I really appreciate you hearing my "sad stories". It helps.

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 6:10 PM

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juniper

It is obvious to me that your mother is a very hurtful woman, and I am so sorry that you and your children have been subjected to her ways. I think what she told your son about the cat was just plain hurtful and uncompassionate. I know that letting go is hard, even with all the hurt...you have my support regardless.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 8:10 PM

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re:...

Thank you Terrie. It helps to know that someone out there is a support to me. I don't think I will be in contact with her anymore. I don't think it will be much of a problem. She is works all the time as a nurse prac... and when she is home she sleeps, so I need to just keep myself from calling, remind myself of all the pain from the past and present. Thank you Terrie.

juniper

Posted on Apr 22, 2002, 10:03 AM

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juniper

glad I can be here for you....hope you are feeling better.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 22, 2002, 8:16 PM

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hey Juniper

by Jamie-lee

I just only wanna say welcome. Ya mother sounds like she could be twins with mine. Mines is one real crazy person an she dont luv me or didnt show affection neither like yours(i dont live with her no more). You know what else i have wished lots that my mum would just only die for the total same reasons as u do. I used to think that i was bad cause i felt those feelings but i dont think so now cause if some one hurts ya well its kinda hard to not feel that way. Reading what you said was like so real to me, like even where u said about the guilt trips but just not for the same reasons. mine would say stuff like if i didnt get her dinner she would die from starving or if i didnt do certain stuff she would kill herself an stuff like that.
Ya know what else my mum dont remember nothin either an my carer calls that selective remembering or some thing like that, like that she realy does no what shes done but she wont admit it. My mum is also sick an she uses that as a exuse for hurtin me an not geting better.
Am sorry that your mum is nasty to u 2 and doesnt treat ya like she should.

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 11:56 PM

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re: Jamie-Lee

by juniper

Hi Jamie-Lee, and thank you for the welcome. I think it is so terrible that there are others out there who have suffered at the hand of a parent(s), but I must say I am comforted by your response. Do you still have a relationship with your mom? I have the support of my husband and kids who tell me not to go around her, but they have never been through what we (you and I)have...I mean they don't understand the extent of the pain or the vicious cicle of trying to overlook what this parent has done or is doing to us for whatever the reason. So it helps so much to get an opinion from someone who has been there. Jamie-Lee, I am sorry for the grief your mom has caused you, and I know that sometimes the guilt trips can be the most painful...I hope everything works out for you. Thank you again,

juniper

Posted on Apr 22, 2002, 10:13 AM

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juniper

by Jamie-lee

well i kinda do an dont still have a relationship with my mum, like i am in a foster home just now but have to see my mum cause its the law an she just got allowed to have me back again on the weekends an that starts again this friday night which is ok i suppose. i dont have a husband an kids like you cause im kinda 2 young for that but i no what you mean like how your husband an kids dont understand cause ive had friends like that who used to say just tell her to get lost or whatever but thats not easy hey. my mum did wierd stuff in front of my friends an she scared them away. This might be hard to say right but i will try. Like do you some times try to do stuff for your mum to make her like you even if you no realy deep down that it probly wont work cause i do stuff like that an its like even if you no you still try. today i was thinkin all day of things i can do on the weekend to make her happy an hopeing they work an i dont do nothin to get her angry but ya know what when i realy think about it the right ways it aint gonna matter what i do, she will be how ever she wants to be an that scares me a bit but i to just think that its just for two day an nights an then i get to come back here, but it wont stop me from trying. I hope this did come out right an you can understand what am saying. I hope one day ya mum is nice 2 you.

Posted on Apr 24, 2002, 5:15 AM

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Hi Jamie-Lee!!!

Yea, I was always trying to do things to make my mom proud or happy with me. I would buy her expensive gifts, clean her house, bring her something to eat...Her attitude was like, "Oh yea thats nice. Look what your brother did". It's like you can do and do, break your back, but they ain't gonna love us anymore. When I was in college I got a B in Biology and my brother got an F. My brother and I had the same profes... Well, he is supposed to be the really smart one. She told me the reason I got a B was because I was a female and the instructor didn't like guys. I thought she would be proud but NOT. Anything to bring me down. I'm sorry I got back with you so late. I didn't realize you had written me. Anyways, thanks so much and stay the sweet person you are Jamie-Lee

juniper

Posted on Apr 29, 2002, 7:24 PM

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Hi, Juniper

by Mary

First of all, I am so sorry you had to go through all that when you were a child. Sometimes I think that mothers truly cross the line and it is the children that pay for it. I have choosen to raise my children differently than I was raised, so I have the choice to change things.

Have you ever read "A Child Called It", "The Lost Boy" and "A Man Named Dave", by David Pelzer? They are three separate books about a boy who endured a lot as a child, teen and as an adult. These books may be triggering for you, but I found it very inspiring. It's a true story.

I wish my best for you and please know that a lot of mothers choose to sweep things under the rug. Mine chooses her pervert son over me, but that's her choice and she has to take that to the grave with her. I won't.

Peace be with you,
Mary

Posted on Apr 22, 2002, 10:19 AM

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Hi Mary

Hi Mary,

I have never read those books, but I am going to purchase them. Thank you for your support. It really makes me feel good and hopeful. Talk about triggering...My daughter has a friend whom confided in us that his mother and father abuse him, his brother and sister. He told his story, and it really made a whole lot of emotions and feelings, memories...flood in that I am having a hard time dealing with right now. I thank God for this message board. You all came at such a needed time in my life. Mary, I am so sorry for you too. It saddens me that there are so many of us out here. I am however happy I found you all. Thanks again

blessings to you,

juniper

Posted on Apr 22, 2002, 6:59 PM

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It finally happened

by NP

Our daydream for all the ages finally happened, but turned out all wrong. They were supposed to die.

Yesterday my/our adoptive parents who were born with four leaf clovers clutched in each hand had a car wreck. Apparently yesterday afternoon was when it happened but I am not considered enough a part of the family to bother calling. The a brother called at midnight last night (he finally got around to it, his way of making sure we did not call so he could look better than us. He is a control freak. He stood on our body and spit in our faces, he physically abused us to the point where we were taken from that home). He said they were both in hospital and broke up pretty bad and needing surgery. This morning I called amother's sister and she said that afather slept at their house last night but they kept her over night. He has broken coller bone and is in no pain and she has a broken leg. Niether needs surgery.

My feelings are all over the place over this. (We actually cried when our rapist/torturer of 6 years died.....) Of course I have compassion for people who get hurt because I am a caring human being. But they are abusers who have continued the psycological abuse right up til now. I can't go there to "help out" even though it has been made clear that this is what "decent people" would do and work is not the only reason. If I go there I will still be unable to keep from confronting her. We were in the middle of trying to do this, but just last month this communication was cut off again. So what I am saying is I am doing them a favour by staying away.

The abrother was the one who they called. His new wife (you may recall we were barred from going to the family function, his wedding) is now the paragon of virtue....the "daughter" I was "never able to be". And we hate ourselves for that which, I imagine, is why she said it. I hate them, but I wish I could have been accepted even though they are fucked it would have felt good just once ya know?

I told my T not to bother with me any more. I am dirt and scum and nothing more. Everyone knows that, right?

Nobody

Posted on Apr 19, 2002, 9:41 AM

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Nope

by Sandy

Nope, not everyone KNOWS that. You might think it and it is easy to feel that way cuz I do at times too, but you are not scum...the fault is in the others court...

Looked for you today in chat....it was empty.

Sandy

Posted on Apr 19, 2002, 2:01 PM

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I have been so busy

by NP

I haven't even been able to do anything on computer for over a week. Work is crazy and I have been either in the office or in meetings. I am tired, and overworked but at least I love my job. Still even at that I am getting too stressed. To top it off we are working on the remodeling of our own house again so we work long hard days at the office and then head home for a quick supper and more work. It's the only way to keep from not thinking so much.

NP

Posted on Apr 19, 2002, 5:19 PM

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NP

Just because a dysfunctional family sees you as scum and dirt, doesn't make it so....after all, they ARE dysfunctional. I, personally, wouldn't trust their opinion. Hope you get to where you don't either.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 19, 2002, 9:33 PM

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Thank you for saying that Terrie

by NP

I'm so glad you are here for us.

{{{{{{{{{Terrie}}}}}}}}}

NP

Posted on Apr 19, 2002, 9:38 PM

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NP

I'm glad I can be here for you. You deserve to heal as much as anyone else. {{{{{{{{{{NP}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love you,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 10:23 AM

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Maybe I'm a little slow...

by dawni

But I sure don't know that - hell, I don't even think that.

But I definately understand the desire to be accepted by them, no matter how screwed they are.

~dawni

Posted on Apr 21, 2002, 9:11 AM

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Thanks for saying that Dawni

by NP

I'm not sure if I understand it but its true. I always just wanted it to be ok and it never was.

NP

Posted on Apr 23, 2002, 6:52 AM

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I take it back

by NP

I am NOT the biggest screw up.... no matter what what goes wrong or with whom, they blame me! Incredible. Why do they even care about me any more?

For record, I haven't even been on the computer this week except to draw. Actually it's quite funny if it wasn't so pathetic....

Elise

Posted on Apr 18, 2002, 5:18 PM

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NP

by Mary

hi, NP, do you mind if I ask what happened?

I don't spend a whole lot of time on the internet at all. I've been at this site since it's inception and I trust it. I don't like to go to other sites.

Hope all is well.

Posted on Apr 19, 2002, 4:09 PM

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Well

by NP

This is the only place on the entire internet that I am allowed to post and I like it here too.

NP

Posted on Apr 19, 2002, 5:14 PM

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Well that's funny...

by Lea

Cuz you posted on the main board here on Apr 15 and 16.
Not on the computer indeed....
Not on other boards, indeed. I fyou had just stuck to this one place on the internet, you wouldn't even known what they were saying.

geez, if you r gonna lie then make it believabnle.

Posted on Apr 19, 2002, 8:22 PM

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I read there

by NP

I worked away from home those days and the person on DP was posting all day long. Everyone knows I read that board but don't post

Posted on Apr 19, 2002, 9:17 PM

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Interesting

by Lea

If you don't read DP and were reportedly too busy and/or not online all week, then how to do you know about how often that particular person was posting?
That's more information than is available at Denization (or anywhere else for that matter).

So, what is it - you haven't been on the computer (except to draw) all week or you were at work reading Denization and posting here?

These are purely rhetorical questions, and I don't care about getting litieral answers. My point is - if you are going to defend yourslef by caliming you were not online or too busy to poist, then it's wise to make sure by all appearances that is true.

Lea

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 9:54 AM

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Here is a quote from my post that you answered.

by NP

"Everyone knows I read that board but don't post"

Learn to read. It says I DO read the list. And I am planning to post there sometime. I have the right. If you think you can restrict my movements on the internet just because YOU DON'T LIKE me, you have another thing coming.

Any further posts here will be ignored, you no longer exist.....delete!!!!! smile

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 12:02 PM

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No offence, but....

I am not sure why you are putting out a defence of not having been on the computer all week except to draw, but I am curious about it because the only days you didn't post on my mb's were on the 10, 11, 12, and 13. You have posted somewhere on my mb's every day since then. You know I care about you, but this discrepancy and defensiveness has gotten me confused......

Love ya,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 10:21 AM

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Easy answer

by NP

The person they are currently attacking on a different site has posted all day long every day. If you look at my posts here they are either early morning or late at night. I put that post there when they started to once again "blame" Elise for everything and yet when I read the posts of that person she has really done nothing wrong. In fact the only thing this group seems to have against me is that they don't like me so they are trashing every site they think they find me. Is it really me? Who cares. I have the same constitutional rights as anyone else in this country, even screwy mentally ill people. The person posting over there was merely trying to talk to other people and even asked Lea not to read the posts. Lea continued to tease.

I didn't say I left town, just that I have had no time during the day. The one day when I actually had a post during the day, that person had already left the other forum. None of the attacks occured until AFTER she had already left!!! Incredible. And even though the person never returned they are turning on me. She is gone but they are in their usual blood frenzy so everything is automatically my fault.

Now hear this, I am tempted to start posting there just because I CAN. I am allowed. The regulars there are very uneasy with Lea, Alex, Paradox and Realms because the other person is gone and they continue. It is very obvious at this point who really is obsessed and I think have now understood too late who the dangerous parties really are. They said it was really fucked for them to post my home addy and phone number on the internet. There are two addresses posted, each for a different name of people, but the man's name remains the same. They aren't even sure if it's mine or not, if it truly was me posting, not that there was anything offensive said except that Lea kept attacking this person over and over.....

So here I told what I know about me. I have been very busy with little time on the puter. Yes I read that elist, they knew that long before this happened. I do not post there. So when I saw my name coming up again I posted that here. I said nothing about them, but if they read the message fine. I do not wish to post over there because it will blow my cover of who I am on the elist. They have tried many times to goad me into posting at that list. This is the second time Alex posted that home info stuff about me on the elist. Alex says she is "sick of that woman". Well quit coming here to read then, Alex.

They think it's terrible that I go and lurk anywhere yet they watch us here and you see what they do to me whenever I try to post. I also chose not to post the elist with my name because I didn't want to see that list ripped to shreds like they do everywhere else. So I will ignore anything they put here and continue to post. They have problems with obsessing but it only becomes my problem if I let it bother me and I no longer will, although if any of my family gets hurt in any way through their use misuse of my 3D info, the cops already have the whole story and there has already been a restraining order put into place, just not executed. The police advised me to do it this way because then if anything happens they have all the information ahead of time, yet I am not actually taking any action against them as I didn't want to do that unless necessary. They are getting damn close to making that a posibility. Alex thinks she so cute posting private stuff on the internet but she is not the only one with that info, I have hers too of course. I'm just not wacko enough to use it against her in public, it is only for my own protection that I have it and was given to me by the police when I went in there enquiring if there was anything I could do to stop this. There is. I will do it. I'm hoping they come to their senses and back off.

Elise

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 11:59 AM

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elise

i would be amazed if you had any of my 3d info as i've moved and changed it all. and let the police come here, elise. if you have so much info about me, feel free to post it. i'll confirm or deny if the info is right.

i'm sure about the info i have on you. i won't say how at the risk of hurting several people. also if you're so savvy about the dp list, you'd know i hadn't posted there in months, i was unsubbed and i only subbed when i knew you were back, hurting my friends again. but they are big girls and can fight their own battles. i unsubbed b/c i don't care what people at dp think about me.

i'm done, again. if you have so much info, then come on. you're just sore that i know about you and that you don't know about me.

alex

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 9:05 PM

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My next question is....

I understand your reasons for making the statement now, but why here? I think I have made myself very clear that I do not want any fighting here, and when you make statements like that here in hopes that they will see it, you are inviting a fight, whether or not that was your intention. Please, please, please do not involve me in these fights, or even potential fights, by bringing them to my boards.

Terrie

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 9:27 PM

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OK

by NP

I answered your question and I am glad you gave me the chance to do so. But I doubt very much they will leave your board because every time they run across someone they think is me somewhere else they will come here and attack.

As you can see by my response, they are deleted from my life. If anything 3D happens to me or my family people will know. I never wanted any fighting and was caught in the middle. But I am sick of being picked on and I never deserved any of this.

Posted on Apr 20, 2002, 10:05 PM

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You know I have a question too

by NP

Why was it wrong for me to post that I have been busy all week? I never brought up any names or made any acusations, the problems didn't start until they came over here and crabbed at me, so in what way is this my fault? Is there a specific post you had a problem with that you thought was a come on?

NP

Posted on Apr 23, 2002, 6:58 AM

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NP

In the initial post of this thread, you stated "For the record". Generally such statements are a defence against something that is going on, and Lea's posts confirmed that you were defending against something that was going on elsewhere, and therefore that comment was what invited the fight/disagreement to continue on my board instead of where it originated.

Terrie

Posted on Apr 23, 2002, 7:35 AM

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Terrie

by NP

That post followed the original attack that was taken off by Shelley. Thats why it was said that way.

Just wanted to understand. Thanks for answering.

A very compliant Nobody

Posted on Apr 23, 2002, 8:52 AM

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Ok

Ok...thanks. I did not see that other one.

Terrie

Posted on Apr 23, 2002, 6:47 PM

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I'm just glad

by NP

that we can talk it over and understand each other and stay friends even when we have misunderstandings. Thanks for being patient with me Terrie, I have some troubles once in a while like anyone else, but I try to be a good person. I'm happy you can see that, it makes it worth keeping on trying.

{{{{{{{{Terrie}}}}}}}}

Posted on Apr 23, 2002, 6:52 PM

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How can I be such a screw up!

by NP

If anyone is reading this just remind me that I said.... it is STUPID to trust. It always comes back to bite ya in the ass. Why have I not learned this by now?

Shaking my head My own fault.... I played with fire....

NP

Posted on Apr 17, 2002, 8:55 PM

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Trust

Trust is a funny thing....only some people are deserving of it. And even those generally should earn it rather than you just giving it to them. It's hard to learn how to differentiate who to trust and who not to trust, and it's hard to learn when you know someone well enough to really trust them. Sorry you got burned again.....

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 17, 2002, 9:12 PM

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The more I peep at the internet

by NP

the more I realize how foolish a thing trust is. The lies and deception, the power mad idiots. Face to face is the only way.

NP

Posted on Apr 18, 2002, 5:20 PM

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WHY

by FIRELIGHT

WGHY YOU DO THIWS WEHY HATER USSS ASLL WE GVOOD AN YOLU JUS MAKE CRY WELPL HAT6E YHOU YIKOU SPOSDED BE GOOID GYOD BUTG YHPOUR BGASD TAAJKE WAQY DOGYS EY4E

Posted on Apr 10, 2002, 8:38 PM

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Hi Firelight

I know you're mad and sad about the doggy losing it's eye, and it's ok to feel that. And it's ok to be mad at God, too...He's big enough to handle that. I hope you feel better soon, and I hope the doggy recovers quickly and feels better soon too.

Terrie

Posted on Apr 10, 2002, 10:24 PM

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Terrie

by FIRELIGHT

(dawni typing for FIRELIGHT to save time)

Thank you for saying that its okay to be mad at Mr God. It just ain't fair what he does to that doggy.

Posted on Apr 11, 2002, 10:04 PM

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hiya

by J-lee

i dont know ya but i want to tell ya that i think that truly sux. an im am sorry that u r hurtin an got made to cry. I hope ya never get hurt again cause ya right u r good. u r REAL GOOD.

from Jamie-lee

Posted on Apr 10, 2002, 10:29 PM

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Jamie-Lee

by FIRELIGHT

(I'm typing for FIRELIGHT because we don't have much time)

Thank you for saying that. It just ain't fair that the poor doggy is all sick. It just aint. I am so mad at Mr God 'cause it just ain't fair. She a good doggy and not deserve Mr God to make her hurt an' I bet he just done it to make us sad huh?

Posted on Apr 11, 2002, 10:02 PM

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yw :)

by Jamie-lee

yw. An yah i agree that it just aint fair that the poor doggy is all sick cause that just sux majorly. Is kool to be mad at Mr God but i dunno if Mr God done it to make ya's sad but if ya think so thats kool but i hope that Mr God can do some thing to make ya happy. an i hope that the poor doggy gets better real soon.

Later
Jamie-lee..whos gotta fly cause she aint got much time also so ---------
ready - set - one two three blast-offfffffffff
an am outta here

Posted on Apr 11, 2002, 10:35 PM

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VERY BAD

by J-L

I HATE I HATE I HATE IHATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I FUCKIN HATE.....................I HATE HIM.......I HATED IT.................I HATED IT ALL............I HATED ALL OF EM AN INEVER LIKED ANY OF WHAT I DONE...........I JUST HATE HATE HATE.......I HATE WHAT IAM............JUST A CRUBBY PATHETIC WIMPY WORTHLES PEACE OF SHIT.....A NOTHIN A NOBODY JUST SHIT.......BUT IM NOT IM SOMEONE IM GOOD IM AL THE THINGS ISHOULD FEEL BUT DONT CAUSE OF HIM AN HIS SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCKIN FRENDS.................IAM MAD I AM FUCKIN ANGRY.............AN IJUST HATE HATE IT ALL........AN I WANNA BE FREE...................

Posted on Apr 8, 2002, 8:59 AM

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AN WORSE

by J-L

AN IAM GONNA BE FREE..........I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHO SAYS IM NOT CAUSE THEY DONT KNOW SHIT. IAM STRONG AN I DONT GIVE A DAMN NOMORE CAUSE IM GONNA FIGHT AN FIGHT AN FIGHT AN FUCKIN FIGHT UNTIL I WIN..........IM SICK A BEIN A SCARED STUPID IDIOT WHO CANT SLEEP CAUSE OF ALL THE STUPID SHIT INSIDE ME HEAD.........THE SHIT HE PUT THERE AN IHAVE HAD ANOUGH...IM SICK A PISSIN MESELF LIKE SOME GRUBBY SHIT........I CANT STAND IT NOMORE AN IJUST WANNA SLEEP SO IM GONNA DO EVERY THING EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING TO PROVE HE AINT GONNA BRING ME DOWN AN IM GONNA GET BETTER AN STRONGER AN IM GONNA KICK THERE ASSES..................I LIVED THIS SHIT LONG ANOUGH AN NOMORE. JUST NO DAMN MORE.....THEY SAY YA TELL THEY SAY THEYLL HELP YA AN IT STILL GOES ON AN ON AN ON INSIDE YA HEAD AN NOTHIN STOPS IT....NOT A DAMN NOTHIN. AN NOW IM ANGRY IM REAL FUCKIN ANGRY...AN IM GONNA FIGHT AN FIGHT AN FIGHT UNTIL I FUCKIN WIN...........

Posted on Apr 8, 2002, 9:30 AM

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And you can, too...

by dawni

((win that is)). And I know that you will.

Posted on Apr 8, 2002, 6:09 PM

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thanks

by J-lee

for listenin an knowin i will cause I WILL

Posted on Apr 9, 2002, 10:46 AM

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Great vent!

Yes, you are strong, and yes, you will win. Keep up the good fight, and remember that you're not alone.

Love ya,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 8, 2002, 6:22 PM

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thanks

by J-lee

for listenin an agreein with me

An ill remember what u said 2
an love ya 2

Posted on Apr 9, 2002, 10:49 AM

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:-(

by Sandy

I think we have all felt that way at some point in our lives. Venting like that allows us to get the feelings out. Remember though, you are not trash or sh--...you are a worthwhile person! A wonderful person! You have purpose here in life even though it is hard to see through all the pain. Hang in there!

Sandy

Posted on Apr 9, 2002, 9:14 AM

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:) thanks

by J-lee

thanks for listenin to me. an ill remember what you said 2.

Posted on Apr 9, 2002, 10:51 AM

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am angreee

by lisa

my 2nd frind leavin to go to be wwer is not safe....:(

grrrrrrr grrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrr
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr no stp crying lisa

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 9:05 PM

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{{{{{{{{{{lisa}}}}}}}}}}

I know it's hard for you sweetie. I hope you feel better soon.

Love you lots,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 5, 2002, 12:46 PM

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Sorry

by J-lee

{{{{{{{{{{LISA}}}}}}}}}

Posted on Apr 6, 2002, 3:25 AM

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My facade

by NP

What a lovely thing... and what a lie. I have been everything that I was supposed to be for years. But now that I have finally accepted the reality of my past, who the heck am I anyway?

I have been pushed too far. Broken again. This time I don't think I care. So many I know act like spoiled children, are totally self-serving and attack at a moments notice. I envy them, I think it would be a lot easier to just spit out whatever you men instead of being bound up with worry, never able to react or say how I truly feel. No, I must be appropriate. My problem is not in that I don't get any sympathy (yuck, gooey), it is in the way others can never accept what I have to offer, as if my intentions are not what I say they are, or that my gift is not as good as anyone else. Not accepted or treated as if I am a normal hunman being with feelings. Instead I am ridiculed and mocked. I am pretty mixed up it is true, but I never intentionally hurt anyhone else. Oh I have hurt people, but it was not what I meant to do. For some there is forgiveness, for me there is not.

I can't forgive myself because I am a mutant and a reject. Do I need stuff like everyone else on the planet? Naw...... I'll just put on the face. Nothing wrong here.

Nobody

Posted on Apr 3, 2002, 6:57 AM

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No Title

I read your post and I don't even know how to respond. Perhaps I shouldn't even try, but I want you to know that you are a worthy person even if you don't feel like it. We all have something to offer to this world. You are feeling very despondent right now and I can feel your pain. I have gone through the same thing and hated myself for everything that I was. Sometimes I still do.

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. But don't forget that you are a worthwhile person!

Sandy

Posted on Apr 3, 2002, 1:21 PM

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I'm glad you responded

by NP

I am a very intellectual person, but I don't have a very good idea of what I look like from the outside. I have done a LOT of worthwhile things for other people throughout my life, but precious few for myself. I have been awash with guilt and anxiety because lately I am wanting some things and it seems I don't know how to do that for myself instead of for another person. I ask myself over and over if it's wrong and even if I end up doing the thing I feel guilty and unworthy.

A couple years ago I started to play around with having some self-esteem. I lost it all through gambling by trusting others and then being thrown out like garbage.... again. So trying another tact, I tried confronting someone who has hurt me a lot in my life and she turned her back again. I mean, why am I still surprised or disappointed by this?

Truthfully you are finding me here at a time when I am very different than I have always been and although it feels natural to be going through this it sure sucks and is awful. But I have learned that it is time to stand and fight for myself. I am not good at it, it upsets me and I am left wondering why every person I know would rather fight than be at peace.

Nobody Perfect

Posted on Apr 3, 2002, 8:17 PM

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Protect Yourself

I really wish I knew your real name because I don't want to call you "Nobody", because that is not who you are! It might be what you feel like, but it is not true.

You know, as a survivor, you have to look out for yourself. If there is one thing we have learned by our experience with abuse, it is that nobody else will look out for us and protect us. Therefore, PROTECT YOURSELF! If this means taking out time for yourself and doing something just for you, then do it! At first I think you might continue to feel guilty, but after awhile, you will get to use to the feeling and know that you deserve it.

Others have "dumped" on you, don't dump on yourself! Others have torn you down, don't tear yourself down!
Build yourself up and reward yourself for making it through another day!! We are survivors!!

I am wondering curiously about your story. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking. I am 35. In my introduction I think I said I was 32.

Have no idea where my mind was that day!

Sandy

Posted on Apr 3, 2002, 9:45 PM

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Jeeeezzzzz

I just wrote this book in a response and the machine ate it! Maybe email is better. If you are interested you can email me.

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 7:20 AM

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NP

I just want to say that I hope that you do learn how to do good things for you, cuz you deserve that. And you do NOT deserve to feel guilty when you do do nice things for yourself. Please keep trying.

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 8:43 PM

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I am

by NP

We are doing something very fun this weekend, but I am so stressed putting it together that it is getting dicey! I am hoping it will all fall together and I can just enjoy it.

Still trying, but exhausted with the effort.

Posted on Apr 4, 2002, 10:23 PM

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NP

I hope it falls together for you, too. And I hope you really really enjoy it!

Love,
Terrie

Posted on Apr 5, 2002, 12:42 PM

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I do not believe that

by Mary

You are a wonderful human being just like everyone else. I'm sorry that you feel that you are not respected. It's a very difficult to heal and I wish the best for you. There will come a day soon that you will be able to say what you want and not worry that others are mocking or judging you.

I know. been there, done that.

Posted on Apr 7, 2002, 6:35 PM

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Thanks for that Mary

by NP

I wish so much that could be true. Maybe the spring weather can brighten my outlook a bit.

NP

Posted on Apr 7, 2002, 8:37 PM

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nobody gets it ,i hate it...

by elenor

i hate being here where i live.nobody gets it around here.nobody undestands what tactful,privacy,politeness, and discreet means.it angers me a lot and i feel trapped being here sometimes.people can be so stupid and ignorant,i hate being in a 3rd world place.its so frustrating here and to think i grew up,will grow old and die here.its really frustrating,depressing and makes me angry.sometimes i want to blame it on them for at least making it up to me being in a place like this.i feel more like an orphan after he left us and after she accused me and said bad things to me.they never cared about me from the start until now.how can people like them sleep at night when im hurting right now.how can they nurture others when they selfishly took that away from me.how can he just call one day to say i miss you,lets have dinner sometime.how can she say im so ungrateful when all i ever did was do what she wanted me to with her twisted ways of living a life.even if ive escaped from her shes still my dark shadow always pulling me down to be like her.how can they go on living with their lives while im still stuck with the garbage and damage they left,i have a life too.how can they feel they deserve to have a life they wanted when im still trying to get mine.why me?i ask why sometimes.im still angry,bitter and frustrated.and i will always be not until they change all that.its not fair!!!!i dont want to be angry anymore but its so damn hard if most of the people around me remind me of it.i always feel trapped being here...if only bad memories and the people in it can be erased like erasing a chalk-writing on a black board.

Posted on Mar 31, 2002, 11:35 AM

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Hi Elenor

I know how hard it is being so angry. I've been there. Thankfully, I have been able to move on past it, but it did take time, and it will for you too. You are right...it's not fair. I wish I could make it better for you. What I can do, is be here and support you. You're not alone.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 31, 2002, 6:28 PM

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so much hate

by elenor

i hate this place where iam now.if i were to choose i want to be in a place where people are real,honest and fair.i always feel that i need to getaway from here.

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 10:56 AM

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He Elenor

So sorry you are in a place you hate. I hope that you can find some people who are real, honest, and fair, even if you are not able to get away from where you are.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 8:12 PM

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Anger or Hurt?

by Jessica

My boyfriend broke up with me in February and said
"this isnt the end of our relationship, we could be together again." 2 weeks later I express to him that I think I fell in love with him. We are friends, best friends... I wanted to test my love for him and i did the dumb thing of sleeping with his good friend. My X-boyfriend says he forgives me but I cant forgive myself. What do I do?

Posted on Mar 26, 2002, 6:55 PM

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Hi Jessica

One thing you might try doing is talking about your feelings and your thoughts with someone other than your ex-boyfriend, so that you can process it all. Do you have a friend you can do that with? Would you like to do that here? Some things you might want to consider are....why did you feel the need to test your love for him? What did you hope to gain by sleeping with his good friend? What do you feel that this says about you, that makes it so difficult for you to forgive yourself?

Here for you,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 27, 2002, 7:36 AM

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Ahem.....

by NP

Ummmm, boy is this going to be an unpopular thing to say. But the thing you did, it was pretty abusive to the ex-boy friend. I mean if you really did love him why would you do that? Makes me wonder how your self-esteem is that you would just go off with another guy like that. Something is missing in this picture I think. Like none of you seem to ber doing things that speak for your roles in this relationship triangle.

He loves you....... but breaks up with you.

You love him....... but sleep with his friend.

His friend claims to be a friend..... but sleeps with his friend's girl friend.

I just don't see why ANY of you are doing this stuff. I don't mean this in a sarcastic or mean way, just to try get your thinking moving as to why it happened in the first place. Then you can decide where to go from here. You have choices, stay with him, stay away from him, go with the other guy, etc. Or...... maybe try something new altogether. Whatever, I would suggest that you make your decisions about things before you get involved with sex. Think before you have sex and save everyone a lot of pain and confusion.

NobodyPerfect

Posted on Mar 27, 2002, 12:11 PM

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Hi NP (and Jessica)

I have found that different survivors have different responses to the abuse as far as their subsequent sexual behavior is concerned. Often they go to one of two extremes...to avoid sex, or to become overly sexual. One common factor in either of these responses is that oftentimes a survivor will view sex as a tool. The survivor who avoids sex may see it as a tool by which they are used. Other suvivors, however, may see it as a tool that THEY can use, to try to get what they want. I hope this clears up any confusion, and please feel free to ask more questions.

Peace,
Terrie

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 5:59 PM

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Your Explanation

by Mary

You explained that much better than I did. So, yeah, what she said.... that's exactly what I meant. lol

Posted on Mar 30, 2002, 11:39 AM

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Personally.....

by Mary

I believe that your ex boyfriend was probably trying to sugar-coat the breakup or else he may have had someone else in mind and wanted to keep you on the side line until he found out if it worked or not.

I don't know your ex boyfriend, but that is from personall experience. Giver and the taker. With respect to NP's post, I believe she may not have been put in that position before. For me, when I was a teenager, it was very hard to get away from sex. I grew up thinking that this is what men wanted and this was how to get men. Well, it only hurt me more. Reputation wise and also self-esteem and self-respect wise. It was very hard to get away from. No matter how hard I tried, I fell in to the same trap. And didn't forgive myself for quite some time. I am now 31 and after years of counseling have finally forgave myself for my past. Sex is a tool. Men know this. Women know this. Unfortunately, the woman gets the bad rap for it. You need to think of why you slept with his best friend. Was it out of anger? Was it to get back at your ex? Or was it due to the fact that you just couldn't help yourself? If it was the latter, you need to PROMISE yourself that it will never happen again. The longer you go without doing it, the more your self-respect will grow and the more your self-esteem will grow. Self-preservation is the key.

I certainly hope this helps. I may have gone in to more detail than I need to, but please know that you are not the only one that has ever done this and I know exactly how you feel inside and I wish I could take that hurt away for you.

Posted on Mar 27, 2002, 12:34 PM

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In response....

by NP

My perspective may be a lot different because my situation was different. I was forced to participate and had no choices. It baffles me when a person puts themselves in that situation, so really I guess I was wondering if there was an underlying reason for that because it isn't very healthy to go from one relationship to the next. For me, there was no power in the act except that of holding me captive. I held no power at all.

So who holds the power in the situation described above? And what would be the reasons for wielding it? Just retorical, not expecting answers.

Nobody Perfect

Posted on Mar 27, 2002, 3:44 PM

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:0 )

by Mary

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Np. I also had no choice in the matter. I don't think any of us did really. As in my case, I felt I held some power by sleeping with these men. Because I never had the power before.

So, yes, everyone has a different perspective and I'm very happy that you know that jumping from relationship to relationship is not healthy. It took me many years to learn that.

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 8:54 AM

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Well....

by NP

I stayed away from men as much as possible really, scared. There were a few romantic interests, but I met hubby early and we have stayed married. I have always counted myself fortunate for that, to get the right man in my life right off the bat.

Posted on Mar 28, 2002, 4:42 PM

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Yes,

by Mary

you are definitely fortunate. It's usually one or the other from what I've read. Either the victim stays away from men or the complete opposite and tends to be promiscuous.

I'm so happy that you found the right man right off the bat. You are so very fortunate.

Posted on Mar 29, 2002, 11:14 AM

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To juniper

Jamie-Lee

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to Jamie-Lee

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to Jamie-Lee

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NP

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Terrie

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Jamie-lee

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jaime-lee

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juniper

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juniper

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