Ok...memories...
Could ignore memories ok for a long time, 8 years now!! But recently my father died, and my sister try to kill herself. Try to be there for my sister, also go through some of my father's things of his...all just make me think of all those things I prefer dont think about, but now they won't go away. My sister always want to talk about things, so much that sometimes prefer to just avoid her and feel sooo guilty for that when she is so sad. Before often can just ignore those memories, sometimes spaced out if something was uncomfortable or scared etc, but now recently spend most of the day spaced out, not just occasionally, and memories wont go away. When I was young child my father used to do many other things, must do whatever to him etc and for few years must sleep in my parents bed with them, and those memories always in my head, and other things from then. But I know did love us etc, and love him, but when I was 12 he was drunk, and bring his friend home, and rape me. Like suddenly he change from love to hate, don't know why, but can't make that stop memory. Always before it was easier to ignore that, but now it wont go away, I can't do anything, nevermind space out or anything...they are still there...Just always memories in my mind, and guilty to let him do that...and just cant make it go away!
Sorry for dump here...that is just getting bigger and I can't make it stop...