No matter what anyone told you or taught you through their actions, you are not a piece of garbage. You are a worthwhie person and derserving of love and respect. What your first husband did to you was rape...that you were married is beside the point, it was still forced. You did not deserve that. You say you don't know how to love yourself. I know that is hard after being taught for so long that you are not worthy of love. I have mentioned self-affirmations before. I will mention them again. In this case, the messages would be, "I love myself", "I deserve to be loved", "I am lovable". Try it. Keep trying it. It will take time...will not feel comfortable at first. Don't give up. Because you DO deserve to be loved, especially by you.