i kept thinking that the things that happened in my past would be repeated no matter what i did
what if i think of each new day with new people a new adventure?
the old stuff doesn't apply today, this minute
a friend asks me to help them put together some new furniture...
it immediately brings some kind of defensiveness or thoughts of i just can't do it
it upsets them and me
the first thing i do is to think back why this happens all the time and i try to explain
well, what if i didn't compare this one time to the others and think of it as something i've never done before with totally different circumstances and not compare it to the past...which everyone is getting tired of hearing anyways...even insiders...
i go and help put the furniture together and we laugh at how stupid the directions are and we compliment each other for being a good workman or brain...have some popcorn, take a walk if we feel like throwing the whole thing off of the balcony...
in other words...make a good time of it for yourself
it's hard, i know
i get to start new with old baggage, but the old baggage is getting awfully heavy and i just want to let it go and have a fun time
i can deal with the cr*p at another time, with my t or sometime alone...but for this second, i'm gonna have fun
i'm not sure if i answered you and it probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but i've been down this road way too long and i'm tired of it