You know I understand exactly what you're saying. I thought when my grandfather died I was finally free! No more pain. I was so happy. Then when the real reality of what happened hit me in the face & began to bother me worse each year I tried to erase it from my mind. Well it didn't go away. I have been told by several people I have finally opened up to that I was making progress too. You know to me though it felt worse than ever. It felt like instead of going forward I was taking steps backwards. I hope you understand me. I have always heard the saying it gets worse before it gets better though. Maybe, this is true. I just hope it gets better soon. For all of us. We have suffered long enough. We deserve to be happy & be loved & most of all free!! Free from pain & hurt. I am 30 now & I feel like a failure because I can't handle this well. Even put it behind me like so many others have. But, it's a healing process that takes a while. One step at a time. It's like a baby in a way trying to learn to walk all over again. We have to try to learn to do things all over again. It's hard to. But, at least people here understand us. So hope you find that happiness you deserve so much.You take care & write me anytime. It's nice to meet the people on here.