I understand you perfectly, and I know it is so so hard. Can I ask, have you ever read The Courage to Heal? It is a very good book for survivors, and it talks about what you are going through now. It stresses that you are NOT going insane, even though it feels like it. I highly recommend it. Also, many cities have Survivors of Incest Anonymous groups, and those can be a good place to meet other survivors and know that you are not alone, and know that others do understand what you are going through. Flashbacks and body memories do feel awful, I know. And you didn't deserve for him to do any of those things, or for your mom to deny all that he did. You matter, and you will get through this. I know it's not happening fast enough, but it will happen.