If you dont feel good and if things you read hurt you then please dont read what i type here
im gunna do something lisa taught me to do here and type further down so you dont accidently read it. Its not nice an i have said some pretty bad words.
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About forgiving people who hurt you well i think that it sux. for me anyway if someone else wants to thats kool its there choice but i have been told by two people so far to not be angry because anger hurts you and that i should try to forgive my stupid mum and her stupid husband. Why should i forgive them?
Maybe i should say its ok mum for hating me
or its ok mum for scaring my friends away
or its ok mum for all the times you hit me over the head for things as little as not eating my dinner
or its ok mum for telling me every day that you would rather be dead and thanks for the times you did try to and i come home and found you thinking you were dead.
or its ok for the times you went psycho and held a knife to my throat cause you thought i was reading your thoughts. or for the time you threw me through a glass window for nothing, the time you made me stand outside all night with nothing on because i spilt my dinner on my clothes, or the time you shaved my hair off all cause i had trouble combing it. You phsychotic bitch.
or how about thanks mum for marrying a man more interested in me then you.
or even better then forgiving my mum how about i just forgive the man who gave me a life of hell
who tied me up and belt me across the back with a bamboo stick then had sex with me
who made me do sick and horrible things to him that were just yuk
who did all this and made me hurt forever.
Because of both these people and there not really people they are animals but cause of them i now have nightmares about it all. I make a idiot of myself in front of my (real mum) when i wake up screaming at night and then realise i have wet the bed like a stupid baby and that is humiliating. I throw up all the time when i think too much about things that i cant stop thinking about. I make sores all over my skin because i feel so gross that i try to scrub him off me in the shower because i feel like he is all over me all of the time. And i am scared all of the time and no matter what i cant stop being scared. I have someone who likes and cares about me alot now and i know im going to disapoint her cause i cant go to school cause im even scared of that now, she thinks im there now but another day im not. I hate myself so much and i cant stop that either. People say that forgiving helps you feel better well thats crap and i will never not ever forgive these two people who ruined my life. It WONT make me feel better and what will make me feel better is to be allowed to tie both them up and belt the crap out of them or have them locked up forever. I HATE THEM. I HATE ME AND I HATE FEELING BAD AND THATS ALL I FEEL NOW. I JUST HATE EVERYTHING... LIFE JUST SUX. All i wanted was to be a normal kid.