You know I think you are going through a really tough time of healing, but there comes a time when you turn away from the grief and pain and begin to notice the rest of the world again. I learned I had to let go of the pain and embrace the good things in life to get past this. I don't really know where you are in the process, but you don't have to accept that this is all there is. When you first came here you talked about your councellor. You talked about how much it helped to be able to talk it out and at that point you seemed much happier about things. I wonder if you ever found a therapist to take his place. I think you sound kinda stuck right now.
BTW, the past does not have to right the script for your present and future, but it can impact in a very negative way if you leave it undealt with. These forums are helpful for support of your 3D process, but we can't help you with the things you need to do to move on. Can you find a therapist? There are a lot of ways on the net to do the search.