I finally got the nerve to look up this subject matter. I couldn't bring myself to think about the fact that I was sexually abused my whole entire childhood by my uncle. I was so embarrassed as a child, I would not say anything. Now as an adult I am that more embarrassed and ashamed because I didn't do anything to stop it. I used to fantasize about his death. Praying over and over that he would die so I wouldn't have to go through it all. I can not function in life. I don't have any memory of my childhood except for what happened to me. I can't even remember one single teachers name. I have flashbacks but I always try to block it out and not think about it. Right now is the first time I have thought about it without shutting it out of my mind. I am feeling sick, disgusted, panicky,anxious, and a bit overwhelmed. I am scared my husband is going to walk in and see me on this website. I need help to end this nightmare but am too ashamed to talk to anyone. If I was to go to a psychiatrist then I would have to tell my husband and I don't think I can do that. He would want detail and I can not bare to talk about it. HELP