What you are feeling is very common among survivors. It is very hard to talk about, especially at first. And the embarrassment, shame, anxiety, and disgust can be very overwhelming at first. I want to let you know that you are not to blame. There are thousands of children who are abused and don't do anything to try to stop it. They are scared. Perhaps they have been threatened, but even if they have not, the threat is still implied. Something even worse might happen if they fight back, or if they tell. They are not to blame, for they are protecting themselves in the best way they know how...and you did too. Please know that you are not alone, and you are now among people who have been there and who understand. You are welcome to talk as much or as litte as you want/need to here. Healing is possible, and you've have taken a very brave first step. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve to heal.