I'm so sorry you went through all that. I'm glad you are reaching out for help though, so as to try to not continue the cycle...cuz you are right, it is very hard to break the cycle! Your healing is independent of your mother though....you can heal no matter what your mother does to support/not support you. Keep on striving to share your experiences and your feelings, and to actively pay attention to your actions so that you can continue to break the cycle. I'm here if you need to talk, ok?