I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I can somewhat relate to it because I just found my roommate (not my partner, but my other roommate) passed away earlier this week, and I can still see the pictures in my head. Fortunately, she did not take her own life, nor was it someone I was related to, but it still is something that stays in my mind, so I can somewhat understand how it is for you. I hope you feel better soon, and are able to deal with the feelings this all brings up for you.