Well, I am very glad that he does not hit you, but it is very wrong for him to be yelling all the time and to say that you just have to learn to live with it. Part of a healhty marriage is respect, and even if it is the bigs married to him and not you, you are part of the family that was created by the marriage just like if your big had an outside daughter who lived with her when she got married. Anyway, part of respect is to try to treat each other nice and not mean, and he is not respecting you when he yells like that, and is not respecting his marriage to your big when he refuses to go to anger management classes and says y'all just have to learn to live with it. Nobody should ever "have to learn to live with" such behavior. Have you talked to your bigs about it? What do they say?