Gosh, it sounds like a tough situation. Have your bigs ever considered leaving him so that you all can be safer? I know it is hard to leave someone you love, and sometimes even more so when you are married, but no one should have to put up with behavior like what he is doing. You and your bigs deserve so much better than that. You all deserve to be respected. I hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes by stating my opinion about this, and if I have, I am sorry. I just want you all to be safe...